To have been completely shocked to see a toddler kicking another toddler's head in quite brutally at soft play?

[highneeds]

I'm totally open to being told I'm being precious and out of touch with the realities of toddlers here, don't hold back! While at soft play with my two year old boy, I witnessed a little girl, about 3 years old, face of an angel, kicking seven shades of sh*te out of a two year old girl's face. The two year old was screaming this awful piercing painful cry. I might be being precious here but the whole thing really shook me. I was next to them but divided by netting and couldn't get to them as I'd have had to walk out and around and back in to get to them. Had the floor not been made of padded mat goodness knows what sort of injury could have happened. No parents visible. All I could do was shout "stop that! You stop that NOW!" But she continued until eventually stopping and telling me inexplicably "she's a princess" as if that explained the whole event to which I told her "that was VERY mean and naughty".

An older lady appears and I ask "are they with you?" as I'd assumed they were sisters. She tells me the two year old is not with her but her parents are sat with them and she will take her back. She said "I think there's something wrong with her, she's got braces" as she had braces on her legs. "No" I said, "the older girl was kicking her in the head and it was really dreadful to watch and I couldn't get to them to stop it". "Oh she's my granddaughter" then in fairness turned to her granddaughter and began to question her and ask her if she was naughty.

I suppose what I'm asking here is, am I very out of touch with toddlers to be shocked by this? I found it very violent and I don't like violence! By God they've got faces like little angels but they can do such dreadful things. Is this to be expected from my two year old? I have seen him attempt to kick a baby before but thankfully I intervened in time so I'm really not judging. I saw the little girl later and she looked absolutely fine, playing away, which made me think perhaps I over reacted

Of course it's not normal. I'm surprised you even need to ask

Most toddlers are savages until taught better, I'm working on dd (2) at the minute as ds (4) is old enough that he knows not to hit and kick and she can be brutal towards him. Most learn better eventually

Well I've seen siblings fight and they can be quite vicious. At least you intervened and stopped it.

I need to ask because I've not got a huge amount of experience with children, only really my own one. It appeared quite extreme to me. But when I saw her later playing and smiling I thought perhaps I'd over reacted and this is what toddlers do.

This is why I won't leave my two year old for long at soft play. I know some people refer to it as 'helicopter parenting' but what if someone tries to belt him in the head, or what if he tries to belt someone in the head. It really was awful to watch.

Siblings and close relatives tend be fight far more brutally than random toddlers, mine looks like an angel at toddler group but with her brother its almost fur flying and I need to watch her

I assume they'd just met that day as their families probably sat next to each other in the coffee area and thought how lovely, our little princesses can go off and play together. The grandmother looked very shocked when I told her her granddaughter had been kicking the smaller girls head in.

I think that's partly why it has upset me, the younger one was less verbal, less strong and less able to defend herself. The older one looked possessed and showed no remorse. I know she's a toddler and in expecting a lot from her! But it disturbed me and I wasn't sure if I was over reacting.

Aren't toddlers basically psychopaths? Total ego, no remorse, no empathy.

Two pre-schoolers once cornered my 3yo DS in a soft play place. They backed him against the netting and punched him repeatedly in the stomach.

No sign of parents at all, but I strode across and thundered repeatedly "I can see what you are doing" in the loudest/deepest/calmest (aiming for booming rather than shouty) voice I could manage. They buggered off as I climbed up and rescued my very shaken DS.

As Terry Pratchett said, "It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.”

Yes Kokusai, that's how it looked at the time! It was really quite chilling. I know it's very early in their development and they are learning right from wrong but it's unacceptable to do that to others. I'm not blaming anyone, as I say mine nearly booted a baby in the face once. I just hope she learns that it's not okay (even if the person is a princess ).

Love the Terry Pratchett quote (what a guy). He had something there though. Don't they look all gorgeous and angelic but close up they're little monsters. These little girls flouncing around in their pink tutus while caving people's heads in

"Little girls look cute to adults but to each other they are life sized" margaret atwood

I also love this description by Laurie Lee of what was going through his 4yo head while he repeatedly hit one of his classmates with a stick. Which goes some way to explaining that their behaviour may be less sinister (though no less voilent) than it first appears.

"She came up to me in the playground one morning and held her face close to mine. I had a stick in my hand, so I hit her on the head with it. Her hair was springy, so I hit her again and watched her mouth open up with a yell.
To my surprise a commotion broke out around me, cries of scandal from the older girls, exclamations of horror and heavy censure mixed with Vera's sobbing wails. I was intrigued, not alarmed, that by wielding a beech stick I was able to cause such a stir. So I hit her again, without spite or passion, then walked off to try something else."

Sadly I've witnessed a lot of incidents like this at soft play before, and it's the main reason I don't let my 2 year old go off without me. He is very conscious about not harming anyone, and would sit there taking it whilst crying (if someone were to hurt him).
You'll usually find the 'little darlings' parents tucked in a corner, out of sight, with a book/phone and hot drink.

I have a 3 year old and nearly 2 year old and yeah, this sounds pretty shocking to me. Mine occasionally lash out at each other with a smack but nothing more violent than that.

That's pretty bad, very extreme I'd say.

My 2.5yo nephew pushed my 10mo once but not very hard. He bit a kid at nursery once about 6 months ago too... that's the extent of his violence towards other children. Likes to head butt my db in the nuts though 😂

I'm not saying it's right but it wouldn't shock me. Children can be vicious.

I think what is extreme is that it was allowed to get that out of hand by the parents and the concept that she is a princess and allowed to get what she wanted.

DS was a terror between the age of 2 and 3 for kicking, pulling hair (he once kicked his sister in the head with a booted shoe) but it was out of anger and frustration but I was aware and monitored it so the minute anything looked like it could kick off I was there. He outgrew it and now is fine and I trust him on his own in softplay.

What I am saying is you should not judge the toddler as they all do it but the parents should be aware and intervening.

Unfettered toddlers seem determined to make it their lifes aim to re-enact The Hunger Games.

YANBU!! I have ds1 age 5 and ds2 age 3. We are soft plays at least twice a week and I've never seen anything like you describe - actually, that one of my ds's might be on the receiving end of such behaviour is one of my biggest fears! but do far, all the little ones in the soft plays I've met have been mostly very well behaved! The worst I've seen was a little girl that pushed my ds quite hard on the chest. Her parents told her of big time, and I still remember it. What u describe is significantly more serious. I would have been shocked too, and worried about where this behaviour was learnt

When my DD1 was about 18 months she was attacked by another little girl of about the same age, maybe a month or 2 older. The other child was viciously hitting her and grabbing her hair, luckily I spotted this pretty quickly.
The other child's grandma appeared and was very embarrassed, saying that if her daughter had seen she would have been horrified that her toddler could behave like that.

I remember looking at the child and thinking i would remember that face forever, but of course i didn't!

Thank you everyone for your replies. It seems soft play can be a hot bed for this sort of 'child on child' violence!

I couldn't trust my response because as I said, my wider experience with children is very limited. I'm also quite a sensitive person in general. I was left shaking and my little boy was scared as I'd been shouting at her to stop, he looked frightened and was clinging to my leg. Now that I've had time to reflect on it and I've read your comments, I realise I was right to be very shocked about it. The image of that poor little girl, too small to defend herself and unable to express herself verbally only with a piercing scream, is really very harrowing. The thought of anyone kicking my son's head in like that is really upsetting me

I also explained to my husband (who works with children) exactly what happened, demonstrating the action of the little girl, expecting him to tell me "that's what kids do" but he looked genuinely shocked.