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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you bash someone, you apologise?

23 replies

cakecakecheese · 07/06/2017 11:22

I just had the massive rage at my bf for elbowing me. So far IABU, but this happens fairly regularly where he'll elbow me/kick me/bash me accidentally and refuses to apologise because he 'hardly touched me'. Surely it doesn't matter? If you accidentally bash someone, no matter how hard you just automatically apologise? But anyway in this case it really did hurt and he's saying it doesn't, how the hell would he know if it hurts??

OP posts:

araiwa · 07/06/2017 11:27

Of course you apologise

booloobalooloo · 07/06/2017 11:28

I have been known to apologise when someone bashes me....

MyfatheristheKing · 07/06/2017 11:28

Why did he elbow you?

Original poster

cakecakecheese · 07/06/2017 11:37

Booloo well it is the British way to apologise when a stranger bashes you in public.

MFITK he was next to me and not sure what he was doing but managed to catch my arm with his elbow.

I feel petty seething over something trivial but I'm sick of having the same row.

OP posts:

spaghettithrower · 07/06/2017 11:40

Sounds like my ex. He used to do this all the time and then turn it all back on me saying I shouldn't have been standing/sitting so near/walking past then I wouldn't have got bashed.
Once he stood on my foot and I yelped. He then got into a rage saying I was making a fuss over nothing and stormed out.
Note he is my EX.

LTB.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 07/06/2017 11:41

I had a row with a man on a tube once. He elbowed me in the head then denied it when I objected. As if I wanted to speak to him or cause a fuss so badly that I made a story up. WTF. Would be even more incensed if it was my partner.

MyfatheristheKing · 07/06/2017 12:37

It's not right that he is hurting you often like this. It sounds like he is doing it deliberately

Shoxfordian · 07/06/2017 13:27

Yeah that's really rude of him
Is he usually this rude in other ways as well?

IloveBanff · 07/06/2017 13:31

"this happens fairly regularly where he'll elbow me/kick me/bash me accidentally and refuses to apologise"

How bizarre!

MorrisZapp · 07/06/2017 13:32

I honestly think some men have trouble saying sorry for anything. My dp absolutely will not say the word sorry, unless he's totally forced. He thinks that you should only have to say sorry for things you did deliberately. He broke a treasured cup of mine once and wouldn't say sorry because it had been an accident.

Drives me mad. I keep waiting to turn the tables on him but I haven't accidentally broken any of his stuff yet.

littlemissangrypants · 07/06/2017 13:33

I was in a supermarket a while back and an older woman kept on bumping in to me. I changed side of aisle several times and she just kept following and doing it. She also loudly talked to her husband about the fatty she was bashing.
I got so angry I turned around (after 5th time) that I GRRR'd at her. Loud. I will never life that down but rudeness is bloody wrong.

SoleBizzz · 07/06/2017 13:35

He is bashing you on purpose

PatriciaHolm · 07/06/2017 13:36

I can't remember the last time DH accidentally bashed into me! How on earth is he doing it with any regularity?

Original poster

cakecakecheese · 08/06/2017 07:42

Last night as he was getting up from the sofa he kicked my foot and apologised straight away. I think the screaming may have got through to him!

He's a big clumsy bear of a fella with little spacial awareness and a bit bull in a china shop, in fact it's best he stays away from china shops as he'd probably break everything

OP posts:

SteppingOnToes · 08/06/2017 07:54

Are you sure it's accidental? It sounds like a pattern...

picklemepopcorn · 08/06/2017 08:12

DH is like this. He's dyspraxic/on the spectrum so not well coordinated. He often accidentally hurts me.

He thinks 'sorry' is what you say when you have done something wrong deliberately. It's as though if he says sorry, it wasn't an accident. It's infuriating.

Original poster

cakecakecheese · 08/06/2017 08:23

Oh yeah it's definitely accidental, he's just a clumsy oaf

OP posts:

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 08:51

this happens fairly regularly where he'll elbow me/kick me/bash me accidentally

this is weird! He's a grown up, that's not acceptable at all. Even if it really is not deliberate, he should still learn to be more careful. Would he elbow/kick/bash a toddler or his boss accidentally?

Some people are clumsy and trip over anything, but there's a limit of what is acceptable.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 08/06/2017 08:54

My husband is the same. Incredibly clumsy. I think he does it so often that he doesn't even notice now. It really pisses me off too.

Original poster

cakecakecheese · 08/06/2017 09:54

Pickle, that's really interesting thank you, yes he has it in his head that sorry is for deliberate actions. Does dyspraxia have any link with Dyslexia, as he is dyslexic.

My ex husband was a bit like it too, he never looked where he was going when getting up from the sofa, the floor, etc it was so irritating and I constantly said to him that he needed to look before getting up because one day you'll end up really hurting me, it fell on deaf ears and lo and behold one day he got up without looking where I was and kicked me so hard I had a massive bruise on my leg. He was banned from sitting anywhere near me for a week after that!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 08/06/2017 09:57

Does he do this to anyone else or just you? I honestly can't remember the last time my husband accidentally hurt me. (Of course he never does it on purpose!)

picklemepopcorn · 08/06/2017 14:00

Yes, dyspraxia is more about spacial awareness, but they are related. Sorry seems to be an acknowledgment that you've done something wrong, whereas an accident is 'just something that happens'. Infuriating. Can he be a bit clueless socially? Emotionally?

Havanna91 · 24/12/2022 01:17

I have dyspraxia, and I'm finding that I'm in a similar situation, where I accidentally catch my bf or bump into him. I feel awful when it happens and ofc I apologise, but sometimes I get frustrated because I've never had this issue before and illogical part of me thinks, is he making this worse than what it is. I.e I brushed against him and he tells me I've really hurt him. I feel sometimes like I'm being gaslited. But then I take time to calm down and logically i know everyone feels pain / sensations ext differently. But I do feel defensive sometimes. Also because of being closer in proximity than one would be to a colleague than partner, I think this causes more opportune moments for clumsiness. It's out of my control I have no coordination and when I hurt myself I don't care, I'm used to it. But I just feel so guilty and awful when I fall into, catch, hurt my bf.

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