To regret my sterilisation.

[YawningHippo]

I've just had my 4th child two weeks ago and was sterilised during the c section. I agreed to it as I was concerned about how I would heal this time after 3 previous sections, the pregnancy had been difficult and I felt 4 was enough.

My first 3 children are from my marriage and this one with my new partner. He has no other children. He agreed with the sterilisation as he says he wants no more. He is amazing with our son and it just melts my heart as my ex was the complete opposite and was very controlling over my parenting with the others as he felt I was useless. I hate that this magical time will be my only positive experience with a newborn.

I'm struggling. I cry every day at the thought of knowing I'll never have another with my partner. I've healed beautifully and am totally back to normal so that worry was unnecessary. I'm terrified my partner will change his mind and I won't be able to give him another child. I love all my children so much but I hate that I gave my ex husband 3 children he doesn't appreciate and my lovely devoted partner will only have one if he stays with me. He says he considers the others his too, and they love him very much, but will it be enough? I made the right decision (because deep down I know it was the right one) for the wrong reasons and at the wrong time and have to live with it. How do I move past this? My partner is struggling to know how to support me as he sees my tears and just sees them as a sign of general unhappiness rather than to do with this one issue. I honestly feel very happy right now, my newborn is gorgeous and my other children are in love with him as much as we are. Life is good, and I'm trying to remember that as much as possible. Any advice for sucking this up and moving on?

Sorry for waffling! for those who made it to the end!

I can completely understand why you feel the way you do OP, I think it's hard for anyone when they realise they will never have another child never mind with the other issues on top.

Just a thought, but this c section may have gone well (thankfully!) but the next one may not. I know someone who haemorrhaged on her first c section and lost a large amount of blood and she says it was terrifying as everyone was panicking.

Although it isn't a pleasant thought, maybe you could focus on how you've had 4 heathy pregnancies and safe births and how you need to be here for them now?

Your new partner sounds wonderful and he agreed to the sterilisation. Don't beat yourself up about it, four children is a blessing and it sounds like he's as much as a father to them as his own child

Enjoy and treasure this baby stage. Enjoy the next stages in your new baby's life, and the stages in your three other children's lives, as they come. Live for the moment and enjoy what's happening now. It sounds like things will just get better and better with your new partner.

Thank you Professor. I think I really needed to hear that it's ok to feel this way. I really didn't expect to. My partner is wonderful . He's taken on all of them and loves them very much. I'm just scared that all of us won't be enough.

I regretted mine too. I still do I'm afraid, but I suppose I've come to terms with it.

I looked at reversal / IVF but haven't followed through with it, mainly as DH is not as bothered as I am.

As others have said, focus on the positives, look at your perfect family and smile!

2 weeks after having a baby isn't back to normal, you are still awash with hormones, presumably more tired than usual and really busy.

Try to think of having a baby with someone rather than giving someone a baby. Your partner met you knowing you already have 3 children, you haven't sprung them on him.

You are enough!

Accept the regret that your previous partner wasn't great and then try to enjoy every moment of this experience. I think every woman has some pangs when they realise that this is it. No more firsts of anything, it's natural even if they hate every other aspect of pregnancy and birth.

YANBU but don't let it spoil this lovely time. Take it slowly and enjoy.

I understand but I am going to get tough with you! You are full of hormones and straight after having a baby can weirdly bring a great longing for another child. You didn't make a snap decision, you will have given it a good deal of thought as will your partner. You are struggling with the finality of this being your last child. I am where you are right now and I am full of sympathy for you - it's incredibly hard.

In your position I would tell myself that there are options if you want another child and if the feeling doesn't go, you can look into that. Then I would inhale the magical and additive scent of your newborn baby and allow yourself a moment of feeling really pleased that you brought him into the world with great parents and three siblings to love him. What a start to a fabulous life!

You are not being unreasonable at all to feel sad. But it is early days and emotions and hormones are high. You sound like you made a decision based on your whole family's needs and in their best interests and your lovely partner has four children not one. He sees it that way and you need to as well.
Four children are a blessing indeed but you need to be able to be available for them all emotionally and financially as well so it sounds like you made a good decision that will benefit you all.

You've all made me cry more, in a good way! I know you're all right. Thank you. I'm enjoying squishy cuddles as often as I can and hoping the days slow down!