Dd birthday party, advice needed please

[pinkiepie1]

It's more of a wwyd rather AIBU.

So its my daughters 4th birthday next month and all she has done is go on about a party at the play area, which is where all the parties she's been invites to have been.

Now my predicament is every party we've attended has done the class party, which was fine cos they were all before/just after Xmas so the class size was smaller as new kids have now joined.
So that makes 28 in her class and the venue is a max of 20 kids, take my 2 and that leaves 18 places.

So do i invite the kids she started school with which would take it to 17.

I know that a few won't attend but do i risk inviting the whole class, cos then what if i get yes's from 22 how do i tell 2 people their kids are un-invited?

See i wouldn't care if my dd wasn't invited to some parties as she may not get on with kids, or not enough for everyone and that wouldn't bother me, but does everyone feel the same? Will i have other parents giving me shit cos their child wasn't invited?

I maybe over thinking this but in my defence i had a baby 3 weeks ago and trying to make my dd have a day she wants, as i feel everything has revolved around the baby.

So any advice or people who have had a similar issue how did they handle it.

I just feel like I've bitten off more than i can chew sort of thing

Don't get me wrong if the venue held enough for the whole class i would happily invite everyone (even the kids with parents who i cant stand.)

The whole thing has put me off the idea of a party and that's not fair on dd. I would have done something else but she has her heart set on this.

Hmm tricky one! Bit unfair to only invite some of the class imo - ok if say less than 10 but not 20. I'd explain to dd that the venue isn't big enough and find an alternative

Yeah that's what i was thinking. I am in the middle of looking at other places as i write.

If all the other kids parties were there I would imagine all the other parents will be in the same boat going forward? That being the said I think you should just have it there and tell your daughter max invites is 18, will they include your 3 week old? I wouldn't have thought so, then you can squeeze in another one? xx

The general mumsnet advice is "less than half or all of them " which i think is good in this situation.

Agree with less than half, or everyone.
When my daughter was younger and there were restricted numbers I got round it my limiting to just girls plus the 1 or 2 boys that sat on her table that way the boys not invited were not offended.

... and by the way, my DD was and is in no way a girly girl - she did and does play with as many boys as girls, but this seemed to be a non offensive way to draw the line on numbers

That's what my dh said surely other people have been in same boat seem as its always been a max of 20.

No the baby isn't counted (thank god lol) and as its in a private play area bit can't not have my other dd go. (have already asked)

I have even told dh that he has to consider that his 2 nieces might not be able to attend, they are 2 and 1 so doubt they would understand/get it and we don't really see them very often but i still recon that will cause bad feeling, which i cant deal with at the min.

I swear i didn't have this much stress at my 18th or 21st birthday parties. Glad i haven't arranged anything for my 30th.

Did actually consider a pub but i think at 4 that would be frowned upon, even though i think most parents would enjoy a different scenery to the play area lol and don't think the kids would be happy with the disco type thing.

Too bad its not like when i was little, house parties with pass the parcel, musical statues ect. But tbh i know my house wouldn't hold 30 kids and parents.

Never thought arranging a childs birthday party would be so stressful.

That's a good rule to go by 'less than half or all'

I know who she plays with and it is most of the girls and she only talks about 2 boys so that might be the easier option narrowing it down that way.

Thanks for the advice.

I imagine everybody would like a change from the play area so if you can hire a hall for a couple of hours that would be good alternative. There are lots of people offering different sorts of entertainment for parties now if you don't want to do the traditional party games and crafts. I hope you get it sorted and have fun.

It's summer. Do you have a garden? Can you borrow a big garden and hire a bouncy castle?
Although actually, with a new baby a venue where they do everything and you just pay will be easier.
Send out invites to the whole class saying the numbers are limited so the first 18 to confirm can come?
Or invite family and non-school friends and 10 chosen schoolfriends.

If you invited all the girls from her year how many would that be?

Have you thought about hiring a village hall and an entertainer? Great for all class parties and more fun than soft play. Somebody has to buck the trend!

Both of mine got one class party. One. At a time when I could cope with the organisation and cost so firstborns was 5 I think and second was 7. She can absolutely have a big party at some point but if it's overwhelming maybe not this year. I imagine she'd enjoy a smaller party at her favourite place even if just with a handful of friends. She obviously likes the venue so give that consideration. Don't go mad trying to reciprocate invites. Most parents really aren't the kind to keep count.

Unfortunately our garden isn't that big, cos I've been to a few garden parties (before i had kids) and they hired bouncy castles and all the kids loved it. And her birthday would have perfect time. I wonder if u can rent gardens lol.

Missy, i really like that idea of saying limited numbers so first 18, as your not actually leaving anyone out so can't get moaned at or upset anyone, cos i really don't actually want to upset anyone.

Originally (When she started in September) there were... Counting on my fingers trying to remember all their (weird) names.
8 that i can think off the top of my head. I'm not sure how many of the new starters are girls as my parents and dh has been taking dd to nursery as I've been unable to so doubt they would be able to tell me.

If i went with all girls how would you handle twin b/g as i would feel horrible about inviting the girl and not the boy even if it was all girls.

We did our DS party at a local council run sports centre. They did a bouncy castle and games, plus music. We took the party food with us. The limit on numbers was much higher, 50 I think, due to the sports hall being so big. They also only charged us for the kids that turned up, so we felt ok inviting everyone.

All girl or all boy parties doesn't really help inclusive friendships being formed though does it? I'm a firm believer that young children should have friends of both genders and this doesn't help with that - boy/girl twins case in point.

And if im right she plays more with the boy than the girl twin. Well that's this week lol it will change next week.

My DD is this age and we had similar predicament. I asked pre-school for a list of those she's closest to/plays with most, then invited about 6 of those plus a few of her little mates from outside nursery. Worked well for us. Cba going down the whole class route at 4! Especially if you also have a newborn!!

Think you'd have to invite both or neither twin a this age.

If I had boy/girl twins and only one was invited on gender grounds alone then I'd be fuming and starting my own AIBU thread

Crapcat, i agree at 4 they wouldn't understand and i think its just mean. Just spoke to a friend who has a twin brother and she agreed at 4 its unreasonable to invite the girl and not the boy and even more so since she plays with the boy more than the girl.

I would never admit this in real life but think my parents and dh were right when they said i should leave it until next year when she has specific friends and im not recovering, and with a will be 7 week old.

Ask her to name the people she actually Plays with? Then she can have her cousins etc as well as I doubt she actually
Plays with more than 8-10 kids.