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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not use baby monitoring apps?

12 replies

mikat · 06/06/2017 12:02

Don't know if i am BU or if DH is (first world problem I know but I'm curious about how other people feel about how phones/ipads seems to be always on).

I have I DS (4) and an 8 week old DD. For DS I think I went a bit mad and had a number of apps on my ipad which I used to monitor feeds and sleeping times etc. I think they gave me some structure in the madness of being a new mum and I think they calmed me down a bit to see that there was maybe a sleeping and feeding pattern that I could figure out. I think the apps were a bit of a crutch/reassurance.

Anyway - come to DD and I haven't really used them at all - can't be bothered, feel like I know what I'm doing a bit more. It's made me think I'm a bit addicted to using the ipad for everything and I can't help feeling like maybe just going with the flow is better and that I maybe gave myself a harder time or even missed out on some of the fun of babyhood with DS with all my measuring and logging. I loved using the pregnancy apps both times round to keep a track of developments etc but I haven't monitored feeding or sleeping at all with DD and feel much more relaxed about it. DH is obsessed with the sleep monitoring app and says it makes him feel more involved but I'm getting sick of him staring at his phone and jabbing buttons rather than just "being" and enjoying the baby - aibu?

OP posts:

Miniwookie · 06/06/2017 12:04

Yanbu. Urgh. Those apps sound awful. I have 5 DC and they all fed and slept without being monitored. Don't do anything that will add to stress if you don't want to.

Miniwookie · 06/06/2017 12:05

DH can be involved in much more useful ways than looking at an app!

AuntieStella · 06/06/2017 12:06

Well they didn't exist when mine were small.

But you do what you want to do with each DC and it changes. So PFB's weight was measured regularly and carefully plotted. By DC3, well I'm not sure she was weighed at all.

You haven't missed out in fun. You've got through the demanding early bits in the ways that suited you at the time. And can do the next bit in the way that suits you best. You keep on making it up as you go along, which can be a very liberating thought.

museumum · 06/06/2017 12:13

I guess it depends. Is your dh missing out on time with the baby as he's on the app? Or is he using the app to keep in touch with you and the baby's routine while he's away at work. I know when my ds was little if i left him with dh i wanted to know everything when i got back - how many nappies, poos, feeds, sleep.... it's just a way of staying connected.

Original poster

mikat · 06/06/2017 12:15

Miniwookie - thats exactly it! But I guess it plays into the fact that we are so used to using technology for so much of daily life that it almost felt natural to do the same with all the baby apps that are out there. And it did help navigate that first bit when you feel like you have no idea what is going on.

AuntieStella I love the make it up as you go idea but I guess that that you have to develop a confidence to do that and maybe the apps helped me first time round?

I'm torn between loving all that technology can do and fighting that image of a family glued to their phones/screens...

OP posts:

OuchLegoHurts · 06/06/2017 12:17

Gosh I think those apps sound totally over the top! I had premature twins and didn't monitor anything (officially) I think you'd know if something was seriously wrong? Why do you want to keep track of things like that? Maybe I don't understand what the apps do...

BabyLedWhining · 06/06/2017 12:20

A parent doesn't need to know exactly what time their child did a poo or slept when they weren't even there

Yanbu.

arbrighton · 06/06/2017 12:22

My mum recently showed me all the charts/ lists she had of me feeding/ NOT sleeping, as I'm now expecting my first.
But, it's the sort of thing she and I would do to make sense of it all and try and keep some function in our brains, as intelligent women but very sleep deprived and presumably lacking adult conversation.

However, if I do any of it, I doubt i'll get an app, it'll be a notebook or something.

And while DH probably would plot it in an app, I think he's as likely (I hope?) to talk to me and ask how the day was/ be aware of how the evenning is

Moregilmoregirls · 06/06/2017 12:24

Yanbu I did not use any apps with my two, read a lot of useful advice but did not formally monitor anything. Each child is different and I think it's more important to get to know your child and you'll soon know if something's not quite right.

Original poster

mikat · 06/06/2017 12:27

I agree Moregilmoregirls - I think I thought that the monitoring was a part of me getting to know him - in the beginning I mean when getting to know them was about eating and sleeping as that is all they do when that small!

OP posts:

Ecureuil · 06/06/2017 12:29

Mine are 3 and 1 and I didn't even know these apps existed.
What are they for, really? What's their purpose? How does it help knowing exactly when they fed/slept etc?

BertieBotts · 06/06/2017 12:30

The iPhone only came out when DS was about 6 months old so apps hadn't really caught on and I mercifully missed all of this...

I do remember reading that taking notes of things like feeding and sleep times can actually be detrimental in the early months, especially if you're breastfeeding as they lend credence to the idea that feeding is something specific which can be controlled and monitored, when really it's about watching your baby and their signs and the feedback they're giving you. Most biological processes can't be stacked neatly into a box and so tracking things like this can lead to anxiety if you're expecting it to be quite regular and then it's not?

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