Different sex children in changing rooms- age limit

[Cupcake1315]

I was reading the post about men in changing rooms and it got me thinking about taking children with you to the toilets, I have a 4 year old son and I always take him with me, he looks like he's 6/7 and I think I would continue to do this till he was around 9. He'd probably look around 10/11/12 then. He's a bit too friendly and him being somewhere I couldn't access would bother me. He has no sense of boundaries, overly affectionate and thinks everyone is his friend. He goes up to random strangers and hugs them, thinks nothing of giving kisses on cheeks, holding hands etc. I also have a daughter but I think my ex would gladly make her go into a female toilet around age 4/5 unattended and I feel this is too young.

I believe they're still children and if they're still in primary school or have disabilities, or lack the awareness to understand boundaries then they should be able to accompany you to the toilet if there is no alternative toilets available. Sometimes if they are disabled toilets/ baby change toilets available I use them but I do think I shouldn't as someone disabled may really need to use them. Feels like you can't win.

So would I be viewed as being unreasonable if I continued to carry my son with me to the toilet till he was 9?

For me around seven is the limit, after that Id assume the child isn't NT so should be in the disabled if they need an adult with them.
But if you were quick in and out, and aware and mindful of others need for privacy I doubt I would notice a 9 yr old boy in the ladies.

I have a DS and I see the cut off as age 8, which DS will be this summer. Is there a particular reason why your DS doesn't have the boundaries you mention in your OP, or is it just his age?

My DS is 7 by the way so he still uses laies' toilets with me now.

Yes, if there's a sign up saying children over 8 should be in their own sex's facilities, and in the absence of special needs.

You'll be amazed how much your 4yo will change by the time he is 8, though. And your daughter.

Interesting question, though, about whether a 5yo girl would be safer in the Ladies on her own or in the Gents with her father. Depends how busy, I guess.

Yes I think so, although I do think this is one of the reasons we need to rethink how we do public toilets and probably changing rooms. There should be a male, a female and a non gendered. All toilets should have an accessible facility and a baby change.

This would solve so many of the issues from parents taking their children to the trans debate.

Really hoping this isn't going to be another disabled/accessible toilet debate...

I think around 8 years old, unless there is a specific need or requirement to go together.

Our local pool is age 8. Clearly signposted.

Why does your 4yr old hug strangers? I'd probably nip that in the bud.

About 7/8 I guess.
There should be some more non gendered/family toilets (big enough for an adult and 2 small DC) around.

This weekend I saw a bunch of boys refusing to go in the ladies (men's was shut), I'm not sure how old they were but their comes a point where they probably won't want to go in.

I still take my 9 year old son into the ladies! I will be forever haunted by that young boy who was raped in the gents toilets at the arndale centre. The way I see it is I take him into the cubicle with me so he's not doing any harm.

My DS is 6 and refuse to go to the ladies toilets so I let him go on his own to the Men's. Changing room I would say when he start getting embarrassed.

Thanks, I suppose I may have to re-evaluate as he gets older. I don't know why he has no boundaries, I keep trying and so does his father, honestly he'd be easy pickings to be kidnapped. Most ppl tolerate him but I can imagine some might be annoyed. The plumber came to our flat a week ago and he just wouldn't stop hugging him, I was practically yanking him off. He gets loads of cuddles and kisses from me and his dad.

I just think if we're inside a cubicle, wash our hands and go then what harm are we doing. But I will take onboard that not everyone will like this. I am a bit over protective, so maybe he'll be able to manage when the time comes.

My son was always very small for his age so I took him into the ladies changing rooms at swimming until he was 9 though I always sent him into a cubicle.

I don't think swimming lessons are as much of a worry as it's usually only kids and their parents there. I'd be more concerned at public sessions. Fortunately we now have a new pool with a unisex changing village which only has cubicles so a dad can get changed next to his daughter etc (and has the side-effect of me no longer feeling like a prude as I was the only one who went into a cubicle after my swimming lesson, all the other ladies stayed in the communal bit talking to each other with no clothes on).

Ds decided aged about 6yo that he would go by himself.

I would say by 7 or 8 a child with no additional needs should be more than capable of going to the toilet alone. Location probably makes a fair bit of difference at first but by 9 I wouldn't be expected a boy to be in the ladies or vice versa.

I also think a lot of children would be uncomfy with the idea by then too.

I have been thinking about this recently as my eldest is 6. He is happy still coming with me to the ladies though he goes in the cubicle by himself while I go in another with his younger brothers. He is capable of going by himself but I am not comfortable with it just yet and I think he would find it a bit daunting.

Tbh it doesn't bother me what age others do it until. There are cubicles for privacy.

I think it all comes down to judgement and knowledge of your individual child. My DS has only just turned 7, but is tiny for his age and very unsure of himself in unfamiliar situations. A school friend of his has been allowed to use the men's toilets ever since they made friends at 4. At that point I was shocked, especially as the friend has developmental delays and unable to communicate clearly. Now I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of letting him go on his own. I would far rather bring him into the ladies with me. He can have privacy in a cubicle of his own and, seriously, what threat to a grown woman does a boy pose anyway? Plus most people mistake him for a girl due to his long hair. DH thinks I'm daft and says what harm can come to him from going to the toilet? I think Arndale Centre every time DH tries to persuade me it's ok. Anyway, back to using judgement. Last month we had a whole school trip to the theatre in London. At the end of the show I knew we would need to be quick visiting the toilets before catching the coach for the journey home. The ladies during the interval had long queues and looked the same at the end of the show. Lots of dad's were popping in to the mens, as were a fair few of the yr5 and 6 boys; some with younger brothers. I told DS to go in quickly and told him who would be in there, while I waited outside. It's not the first time he's been in the mens (DH often takes the boys in), but it was the first time on his own. He came out looking pale and concerned. He was absolutely fine but I guess it was just the worry of not having me right there should he have needed me. So, right now, he's not quite ready. Give it a few months though and that may very well change.