Wedding guest (family) - what does DH wear?

[Ohthepressure]

My brother is getting married in a couple of months and we are travelling from Australia for the wedding (and to see family and friends obviously). We're not the closest family in the world, but we get on ok, at the moment (the distance is very helpful) although DH has never got on well with my parents, and vice versa.

DB's a lot younger than me - he's 28, my DH is 50 (I'm nearer 50 than 40, sob...). When asked about dress code a few months ago DB obviously hadn't given it much thought, but eventually agreed that lounge suits is probably about the mark. I thought our plan was for DH to buy a suit from M&S when we are there, as the quality's better than over here. Even though he rarely wears suits for work his other ones are 7+ years old so he could do with a new one.

DH is now saying that he will wear a new pair of these : blazerclothing.com.au/collections/pants/products/hawthorn-stretch-twill-pant-dark-navy?variant=16404808773 which he currently wears to work, with a shirt and tie. I'm wearing this : www.floryday.com/Polyester-Floral-3-4-Sleeves-Mid-Calf-Cute-Dresses-m1027961 - it was very, very cheap from another site and I thought quite weddingy and a bit different without wasting money on a one-off wear. As far as I know there's no "wedding party" role, no matron of honour / ushing required, we're just going to be milling around, but I just don't think those trousers are smart enough for a wedding guest. I would be mortified if he wore those to a friend's wedding, and to wear them to my brother's seems like a deliberate two fingers up to my family. I am (sort of) prepared to be told AIBU though, I know it's August, in the UK (albeit about the same as a nice winter's day here, it's 25 degrees here at the moment, first week of winter) and a suit will be slightly overkill but at our age it's hardly about the fashion show is it?

kath

I've been to around 30 white weddings, and the one time someone attended without a jacket people commented. It's just the done thing in my circles.

I got married last weekend and couldn't have cared less if anyone hadn't worn a suit, but that's just my opinion. A white wedding - with a lounge suits dress code - is not consistent with the outfit posted by OP. Very possibly her brother & fiancée won't care, in which case check with him.

Here's where I got my dress from www.rosegal.com/print-dresses/charming-round-neck-3-4-439252.html, $US 20 delivered! It is very polyestery, but as a one off wedding outfit it works. It took about 5 weeks to get here but I allowed 6 months so it was ok. The shame of ordering a 2XL as a size 16 though!

The wedding is in a traditional church, but the reception is very non traditional, not a hotel or anything like that. I'd just rather have no issues with photos etc and just look normal/square. I'm sure DB and DSIL to be won't mind, there will be guests there from other cultures (Caribbean) but my family (actually no, my mum, my dad is ok albeit an enabler) are hair trigger and for my one week visit per 2 years I'd just rather not light the blue touchpaper and retire. Mum started off scoffing at the idea of hats, now she's on hat patrol so I started thinking maybe it is going to be more formal.

I'll try and get a definitive decision on dress code from DSIL to be. Out of interest, DS is 14, I assume trousers, a shirt and maybe an undone waistcoat will do for him? As he definitely won't get use out of a suit!

I'm your age bracket and would have gone down the suit line when younger but I'm pretty much in 'fuck it' mode these days. If he wants to wear chinos let him. He's making an effort to be smart and flying across the world so no lack of effort.

If he does want to buy a lightweight suit may I recommend John Lewis own brand? My fussy dh has just bought two and they are very reasonable and great cut and quality.

McTufty, I've been to around 30 white weddings, and the one time someone attended without a jacket people commented.

People commented?! The shame. I'd rather be in comfortable clothes at a wedding than some sort of snob who 'comments' about what someone else is wearing.

Anyone upthread saying it simply must be a suit, it's the done thing etc needs to just find some time to chill out a bit. Chinos, shirt and tie and possibly a jacket of some sort is fine if you're not uptight and overly fixated on what others simply must wear to a wedding .

unless its a picnic in a field and a bit of a hippie ceremony then its suits sorry - and M&S OK but there are plenty of other inexpensive places as well - we go to Charles Tyrwhitt (not sure I got the spelling right there) and at an outlet place like Bicester or Ellesmere Port and a suit can be had for less that 200 and a shirt 20/5 quid. They do lighter and heavier suits.

I have ever in all my nearly 50 (;-)) years been to a wedding where code for men was not suits. Never been to a black tie one for sure

He needs some a smart jacket for the church and make sure you get him a buttonhole on the day.

I wouldn't mind the chinos, I don't think it matters if you aren't in traditional attire as long as you are equivalently smart. So I had a traditional wedding but one DB didn't wear a tie but had made an effort and looked amazing. Similarly older friends of my parents had tweed jackets rather that suits and looked great.

It should be a suit imo. If you are buying in this country then Asda and Tescos do them very cheaply.

there will be guests there from other cultures (Caribbean

Who will probably wear suits.

I went to a wedding recently where a guest wore chinos, he was smart looking but it just wasn't quite right.

I also once attended a wedding where due to a luggage cock up DPs best friend wore jeans. I honestly thought he could have tried harder to buy smart trousers, he did have the time and opportunity.

RB68 what if you don't have £100-200?

Seriously, chinos and a jacket is fine. I think my self lucky that I don't move in circles where anyone would really care what someone wore to a wedding. Yes, most people wear suits but some where something like the OP was asking about and they looked, as lucked phrased it, 'equivalently smart'.

morris 'just wasn't quite one right?' So snobby. Why did you even care? Oh he looks smart, but not quite right. Better to look 'not quite right' in some people's eyes than to be one of those people making a judgement. Awful, snobby attitude.

**wear not where. Obvs.

pamsbagnall

It sounds like you are perhaps the one that needs to chill out. Like it or don't like it, white weddings have dress codes. Some people care and some people don't, but where the OP has asked for a dress code and been told Lounge suits, to ignore it absent a good reason is poor form.

Also where have you got chinos and a jacket from? I agree that would be fine personally, but I didn't think he was wearing a jacket. Did I miss that update?

OP that sounds fine for a teenager

They are nice but IMO a bit too casual for a wedding.

McTufty, a few people mentioned the chinos, shirt and tie combo perhaps with a jacket would work. Jacket/ no jacket, it still works unless you're going to the wedding of people who care less about you being there than about how you look when you're there.

Anyone who specifies what their guests MUST wear to their wedding is odd and bit rude. More rude than someone ignoring a dress code to wear something smart that they feel comfortable in. I've never been to a wedding with a specific dress code stated. Maybe I just know people who aren't uptight snobs and who wouldn't dream of insisting someone wore something they didn't have/ couldn't afford/ could afford but wouldn't ever need to wear again.

In this day and age, having social rules about what one simply must wear to avoid being discussed in not so hushed whispers by stuck up wedding guests is just ridiculous.