To apply to Claire's law?

[Isthereanyusernamesleft]

Name change, however I am a regular (okay was a regular poster until recently).

I don't want to cause offence as the guy I'm seeing is on here!

So I've started seeing a new guy, things are going well however given that it's early days, we hardly know each other & ive not had great previous relationships, I'd like to do checks before I go further!

I'd love to say I trust him which I actually do, however I trusted the last one & he hit me! So I'd like to check first than wait until I get hit.

I've also a DS so of course, I am not going to put his safety at risk!

Would it be unreasonable to apply to the police under Claire's law to see if he's ever been arrested for domestic violence??

Just because he hasn't been arrested for Domestic Violence doesn't mean he hasn't hit a previous partner or won't hit you.

To be honest if you are that concerned then I would be inclined to say either: a) something is making your spider senses tingle - and get out.
b) or you are overly concerned - also get out.

Now if it is mainly because you have a DS, so want to be extra cautious. Yes you could apply - but the information will be of limited use. Far more important is to take things very very slowly. Get to meet his friends/family etc. before introducing your DS. See if his past checks out and so on.
Its why the best partners are often friends of friends, because you may be able to find out about their past (and how long people have known them).

If you're so unsure of your own judgement that you feel you have to do this are you really ready for a new relationship? Have you processed what happened before? Is there anything about the new guy that makes you uneasy?

It would be entirely sensible and something I would do in a new potentially serious relationship and certainly before introducing him to DC.
The point of Claire's Law is to protect people. Wanting to use that Law isn't an indication that there is something wrong with you, it's actually very sensible.

Agree with smell. That's what is there for. It won't be 100% but if there is something then at least you will know. Getting to know their friends isn't a fail safe either. Some of the most horrific abusers are the nicest people you could meet in public when they turn on the charm.

Nothing he has done or said has made me think "oh I'm going to check him out now", if anything he's been saying all the right things.

I get that just because he hasn't been arrested for it doesn't mean he won't hit me, I was only saying to a friend today about how a DBS check doesn't mean someone isn't a danger to children or vulnerable adults, it's just means they haven't been caught for it yet or haven't acted on it.

I've no intention on introducing him to my DS any time soon, nor do I plan on meeting his DC.

I just want to check so effectively I'm trying to minimise my risk of it happening.

I agree, my exDP hadn't been arrested for it before & still hit me but I just want to be able to say I checked it out. Oh & if you spoke to my exDP's friends/family, they'd all tell you he is the nicest guy they'd ever met, that he wouldn't hurt anyone nor say a bad word about anyone

I fully understand this isn't a foolproof way.

Okay maybe I have to simply trust him (I do) as you have to have a reason to apply. They will ask you why you are concerned.

They don't need any concerns for Sarah's Law it's for anyone that will have potentially unsupervised access to DC, which in a serious relationship they most likely would. I would apply for that when you are at that stage.

You don't have to give a reason as far as I can see - or only that your are in a new relationship and want to be careful.

Things to look out for are all the red flags: slagging off an ex, being too loving, moving too fast, what he says about himself etc.

I'd also be curious to know what the mother of his children and her friends thought of him/had to say about their split.

So far he's not shown any red flags....not that I've seen anyways.

He is very keen however he's also said he'd like to take it slow.

He's a great relationship with his ex.
He certainly hasn't slagged her off, they are actually friends.

He's not a jealous person, obsessive or controlling.

If you are concerned about giving an explanation, call your local force and ask.
But, be aware when I made an application re Sarah's Law the Control Room said I couldn't without concerns. I knew I could and said the DI for vulnerable people of that area had advised me to make the app (he had) they then set the app through and I ended up having a very uncomfortable talk with 2 officers and a SW, who was lovely actually.
Clare's Law I'm not sure, Sarah's Law you do not need to have concerns to raise the app if the person concerned will have access to your DC.

Hello. Please do apply for it. I had to report my soon to be ex husband to the police for a series of sexual and physical assaults on me plus prolonged verbal, emotional and financial abuse. I'm not strong enough to have him arrested as I couldn't face court but the police have told me that the information is now against his name so future partners can apply for Clare's law and they would be told about it.

You need to be safe and there is no shame in taking precautions. I plan to do it for future partners as I never saw any signs of his real personality until the first incident. I wish more people would report men who do this as I feel most are just left to move onto the next innocent parter and potentially do it again.

Likely it was Crafty given the number of users on MN. But OP can still ask for feedback regarding her own particular query.

Try googling 'shark cage'

Apologies crafty however, the only similarity between me & the op of that thread is the fact we've both been in abusive relationships.

I'm not uncomfortable around him
I haven't introduced him to my child
He hasn't requested to be with me solely because I have a child
He hasn't attended a BBQ with me
We aren't in our 40's
There aren't any red flags
I've no actual concern to apply to Claire's law (I just want to do checks)