To ask wtf my 1 year old does this?

[creepymumweirdo]

First of all, I love him dearly. He is the apple of my eye, the best thing that's ever happened to me, blah blah.

But he's a stubborn little sod! Bed time comes around, he's shattered, he's had a fun day with social interactions, quiet time, quality time with both parents, fresh air, exercise, a good 2 hour nap late morning (he's an early riser) and sometimes a quick 30-60 mins mid afternoon to get him to the end of the day. This amounts to the recommended 12-14 hours.

Still, he lays in my arms staring at me and does EVERYTHING in his power to avoid sleep. Twitches his fingers, waffles his legs, pokes himself in the eye, pulls his hair or mine, sometimes slaps himself, to keep himself awake. Usually quietly, he doesn't seem upset at all. He has a dummy and a comforter that he fiddles with. Sometimes these get thrown. When he throws things he usually giggles. Quite often he's half asleep; eyes half closed, breathing slow and heavy. So why won't he go the fuck to sleep???!!!

It can take an hour or more. It pushes my patience to it's boundaries and drives me completely batshit. I sometimes have to put him in his cot and walk away, even though I know he'll cry, just to get out of the room for 2 mins and calm down.

We tried some gentle sleep training at 8 months bush to get him to self settle and it worked well. But every time he's ill or routine gets disrupted in the slightest way, it's back to square one. It's like she spots a chink in my armour of consistency and exploits it as best he can. I know, he's a baby. But I swear he's canny! The older he gets the more stubborn he gets and the more sleep training is impossible without full on fits of rage, which I feel uncomfortable with.

He wakes up at 5ish most days so by the time it gets to 7pm frankly I'm ready to drop.

I work too, part time. This hasn't been an issue as my old job was fairly flexible but I start a new one Tuesday that will be a lot more demanding (and rewarding) and I don't know how I'm going to keep my shit together if this carries on.

Sorry for the rant. I don't know what I want really. Just a bloody good sweary moan about my pain in the arse bundle of joy.

My dd was like this. She is now almost 9 yrs old and still has to fidget and whisper to her toys for a good 20 mins before going to sleep. It's like she has something to let out of her brain before she can sleep

I feel your pain. Is there any reason why you can't put him down in his cot to nod off, even if that takes a while?

Have no help to offer but my little one only just nodded off after much fidgeting and rolling about and giggling etc. We've been up since 5 too. I feel your pain. Hoping this was a one off 😩

He freaks out. It's like he's livid, rather than upset. He flips himself around and screams. People tell me I should just leave him to it until he wares himself out but it seems so mean. I'd hate the last thing to happen in his day to be so negative.

I would drop his mid afternoon nap if possible.
I have a 1 year old DD too, she sometimes does this if her nap is too late.. I cannot let her nap past about 3.30!
My DD is up around 6.30/7, has a 2 hour nap at about 12/12.30 and then goes to bed at 7.30.

I think if he was down to one nap he may sleep later in the morning.
What do you do when he wakes at 5? I've got to be honest I could not get through the day if I was getting up at 5. Any wake ups before 6 get treated as night time for us.
My DD still has milk during the night (big no-no according to the HV) but it works for us.

I think the afternoon sleep is a mistake. Two hours in the late morning is enough. 12-14 hours may be recommended but that doesn't mean every baby will need that much. He might well go to sleep more quickly at night if he were more tired.

DD is like this.

DH sits with her, sings, reads, chats, and "waits till she feels she is ready to sleep".

I kiss her, pop her in her cot, say a cheery night-night and go downstairs.

Guess which one of us she acts up for?!

I would never leave her really upset but some people need their space to go to sleep. Just tell him you love him and go downstairs. If he cries leave him a minute ot two to see if he's just having a grump and if not, come back, hug and repeat a key phrase - ours is "night night, it's sleepy time" and back in cot. He will get the idea soon enough and chances are he will be quite happy to lie awake burbling for 20 mins after you put him in bed and then nod off by himself.

My dd is a bit older 17months, but we've dropped the afternoon nap now and she is so much better!

If she has an afternoon nap she's still up arsing about at 8pm. Then still up at 6am.

If she doesn't have the afternoon nap she can be a bit crabby by 5, but as long as I'm on the ball with her dinner she's pretty happy to eat, quick play, bath and straight to bed, asleep by 7. She also needs wearing out, so 2-4 is either park, soft play, beach... Anything to knacker her out.

Maybe try dropping the afternoon nap? Just have dinner ready to go the second he wants it! I've even brought bedtime forwards by half hour if she's really tired.

I'd put him in his cot and maybe rub his back or I would just let him cry for a few minutes which is a crime on MN

Have really busy mornings to keep him active and then push the late morning nap to after lunchtime - 1pm ish.

That should crack it

I used to sit waiting for DS to fall asleep and it would take ages and my BP would rise. Cue DS turning about 2.5. One evening he looks at me and says Mummy go out. Mummy bothering DS. Mummy bothers bothers bothers.
I was like; wtf?! You are going to scream if I go out. Fine. I am going.
I left. He chatted and played but fell asleep independently. I kept waiting for the crying and it did not come. And he has gone to sleep by himself ever since.
He's 5 now and was ill last month. I thought that after tucking him in I would lie next to him for a bit. 5 mins later: 'are you finished with the hugs now Mummy?
🙄🙄🙄🙄
He's a lovely cuddly boy. Just needs his own space at night.
If yours isn't shouting I would leave him to it. Or potter around the room doing jobs appearing deeply uninterested in his various antics.

Dame agreed.

DD totally tries it on with the tears. Last night DH put her to bed and at 8.15 she was still sobbing dramatically "My not want go bed, my very busy, my going for a run now!"

Because she knows DH will fall for it... she doesn't try it with me!

Oh it's exhausting when illness/clocks going forward/being lighter outside affect the sleep routine you'd cracked!
I have found with DD 1, she wants to feed herself her milk and get settled into a comfy position herself...not how I pop her down/hold her.
Blackout blinds, stripping DD when too hot, not having afternoon nap or as pp said busy morning and post 1pm nap...this worked for us.

Hope your DC and you find something that works for bedtime for when you start new job! Good luck

Why are you staying with him? Its bed time. you put him to bed and go downstairs!

Thanks for replies.

Hmm I think I've known I need to drop a nap for a while but I'm reluctant because it suits me! (Selfish much?) It's a vicious cycle: he doesn't go down til 8/9, I want some down time and an evening so don't get to bed till 11, get up at 5 and I'm knackered so when he's tired enough for a sleep at 10 or 11 I put him down, collapse on the sofa and think "thank fuck for that". Then the problem continues.

We have tried dropping the late nap and having one in the middle of the day in the hope he would wake later. Nada. But maybe we need to persist and see if he levels out.

Maybe I've been lazy but I've had 18 months of sleep deprivation so tbf lazy is the only option some days!

Oh year and he's 18 months, which is also 1 year old, but not 12 months iyswim

Can be a developmental thing. But yes I think you need to drop the nap if you want him to go to bed early. Keep the morning one rather than trying to push it later. Or let him nap twice but accept a later bedtime which means you get no "adult evening".

A trick which used to work for DS at that age was if I lay down next to him (On the floor if necessary) and pretended to be asleep. They take their cues from you so he should in theory copy you and fall asleep too. The only thing is if you're very tired you can pretend a bit too convincingly and fall asleep but perhaps if that happens it's worth it!