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AIBU?

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Original poster

To really feel that this is taking the piss

37 replies

Gizmo79 · 04/06/2017 13:27

Okay, so will try and make this short.
Yesterday my husband hadn't decided if he was going to go and play his hobby (haha I am happy to say what it is if anyone cares!)😄
Fine, it was left like that overnight. So we have 3 kids, 11,3 and 4 months. I have been sleeping downstairs so he can sleep away from the baby, he took over at half 5 and I crawled upstairs to bed, and then gave the baby back at 7 as apparently he was hungry (he wasn't). Anyway, I asked him (via text so as not to holler downstairs) if he could take the baby so I could get a bit more sleep. In he comes all dressed up to go, and informs me he is leaving in five minutes and thought I was asleep. He then did the annoying thing of ' well I won't go if you don't want me to' which pissed me off, as he hadn't decided he was going the last time we spoke, he was going to leave the house with me not knowing he wasn't there, and I have basically had no time to myself for the last 4 months. I tried to have a night out a while back, and had to cut it short as he wasn't coping with the baby. I am just fed up that he buggers off for the whole day, left at 8am and won't be back til 6pm, and I am just expected to get on with it, when I don't ever get a break.
Even when I pop to the shops I get guilted about the baby crying, so I just take the baby with me now.
Husband also boasts about how the 3 year old just plays in his room happily when I'm not around, whilst I get the usual 4 million questions and playing lego with him etc.
Sorry, just ranted there! I needed to vent somewhere. Doesn't help that the poor baby is teething like a lunatic and acts like Hannibal Lecter when anything comes within reach!

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/06/2017 16:57

If he really doesn't think to feed a baby would the other two not have ended up in hospital?

He asked because he knew you would come home.

Next time make a point of leaving phone at home on the table right in front of him. And if needs get a sharper and write "feed baby at 6" on his hand face and legs....Grin

museumum · 04/06/2017 17:00

Ten hours!?!?!?! That's ridiculous.
Dh and I have always made sure we both get "hobby" time. 2-3rs each. That's reasonable. A ten hour a day hobby is not reasonable when you presumably work five days out of seven and have three kids!

user1483972886 · 04/06/2017 17:04

My husband is similar. Last Saturday he went to his hobby for 4 hours which he goes to every Saturday morning and got home 1 hour before DD's 8th bay party. Apparently not going is unacceptable and it's fncking outrageous I even request this. Seriously Confused

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/06/2017 17:13

I have an idea. Say you are going out for a movie with a friend that you will be back by 9 and if he has baby fed bathed and asleep in bed you will come home and out on that pink night he likes so much and you can have an early night with a bottle of wine.....

Then when you get home to discover it all quiet and him in his "best undies" the ones which aren't full of holes and been worn for 3 days straight... You can turn round with a "see you can do it" and get back out ...

Original poster
Gizmo79 · 04/06/2017 17:54

Giles - re would the other two not have ended up in hospital- I have realised in hindsight that I did exactly the same with the 3 year old, and Dd has a different dad, so can't blame him for that one!!

OP posts:
CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 04/06/2017 18:31

Why have another kid with him when you know he won't pull his weight?

You need to give your own head a wobble for enabling him to be like this.....if he would rather cause harm to his child than parent/feed him then why are you still with him?

Mysteriouscurle · 04/06/2017 22:34

Urgh! This is the second thread today where the dp/dh says "you dont mind do you" or some other manipulative bollocks to guilt trip dw/dp into not wanting to be the bad guy, so that the man can get away without doing his share. Is this a thing?

Mysteriouscurle · 04/06/2017 22:44

Mothervulva that is a brilliant article

silkpyjamasallday · 04/06/2017 23:03

You need to put your foot down OP. My DP started getting a little slack recently, not understanding that if he is looking after dd while I have a bath, that doesn't mean putting her in the bouncer and letting her cry while he played PlayStation, doesn't make my bath relaxing if I can hear her crying. The next day I had been in the bath 20 minutes and instructed DP to bounce her to sleep to Amy Winehouse (DDs favourite) when he comes up with her drowsy on his shoulder, but of course the moment she sees me she is awake again, and I had to get out and resettle her.

Your DH needs to learn how to do everything and put in the time needed to be able to recognise sleep or hunger cues and actually look after his own child! I had a bit of a go at DP about it, asking why he thought that I deserved no relaxation time at all, or even the chance to bloody wash while he gets a break at lunch and goes to see friends or plays his games every evening and that it shouldn't be a 'treat' for me to be clean. Now he is SO much better because he actually understood how selfish he was being. Does your DH not find it upsetting that he doesn't have a good bond with the baby, as that makes it difficult to settle them, and the fact you are breastfeeding is no excuse, if there is milk in the freezer he has to give you more breaks, you are making food in your body for your baby every minute of the day and I don't think men think about how physically draining that must be.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 06/06/2017 07:01

I had 15 months without even a minute away from my dd. I had a complete shouty meltdown about it one day and my dp then realised that he needed to step up and do more. It worked I have to say.

Mysterycat23 · 08/06/2017 03:48

he has a history of stropping a wee bit.
I do just tend to bite my tongue a lot, and I know I will this evening as I can't be bothered with the door slamming into if I'm not in a great mood when he returns.

Do you feel like you're walking on eggshells trying not to upset him?

Is he slamming the doors or are you?

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