How to go NC with mum

[LookingAfterMeAndMineNow]

I have to go NC with my mum.

I'm not going to give all the background because you'd be sat here all day reading this post!

Gist of it is that my mum is extremely emotionally manipulative, she always seems to be in the middle of some drama and she has always ruled our house growing up with an absolute control over everything and consequently my sister and I grew up extremely naive and our twenties have been difficult to say the least.
My sister is still suffering severe depression and struggling every day but managing to get on with life.
I am better off than her in that I finally and for the first time in almost 30 years, feel in control and I am happy and free from the ridiculous level of control she has had all my life.

I have been plodding along with it for some time now mainly for the sake of my 3 year old son as I wanted him to know his grandparents but after another act of emotionally manipulative passive aggressive targeting I am now at the end of my tether.

I feel sad that my son won't know his grandparents as I only had 1 grandparent and I still wish I'd met the others (they died before I was born) and I know this will cause difficulties with my dad as even though they are divorced he still remains close friends with my mum (he is beyond blind to her faults) but I know it must be done.

I guess my question (it's more a WWYD than AIBU) Is how do I go about NC?

If I write her a letter explaining everything (I would stay calm and factual in the letter) then I know she will kick off big style and start spouting a load of nonsensical abuse.

If I just change my phone number then she will email and I can't really change that and she will still kick off when she realises.

I just really don't want to deal with another load of crap from her!

So WWYD?

Honestly I just stopped responding to any contact

Do it in a low key way. You don't need to make a big announcement. Stop answering the phone to her. Don't reply to text messages. Ignore emails. Be prepared for her to up the ante, accuse you of all sorts, threaten all sorts, get other people involved in trying to guilt trip you. The bottom line is that you're an adult and you get to make your own decisions about who you have in your life.

My mother sounds similar to yours and I am low contact with her and my dad. The guilt can be tough in the beginning but it gets easier and life becomes more peaceful. I highly recommend professional support as well, I was in therapy for several years and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself

Just stop contact, I was low contact for years because I just couldn't get over the guilt but I've been NC for 9 months now and it's great

We've been low contact with them for a few months now but it doesn't seem to be enough to stop her.

That's precisely it - I feel guilty about 100% NC cos I feel like I'm 'stopping them' from seeing their grandchild but in reality I'm protecting him from their manipulations, I don't want him to grow up thinking that kind of behaviour is ok or normal.
And on the flip side I can see if from the other side as I'd also hate to lose contact with my son when he's grown up as he is basically my world. But this is why I will make sure I will be a way better mother than her.

'in reality I'm protecting him from their manipulations, I don't want him to grow up thinking that kind of behaviour is ok or normal'

Yes. Yes yes yes. Hold onto this. You don't want to expose him to people like this. It doesn't matter if they are his grandparents. I know it's hard - I spent several years grieving the loss of the parents I wish I had - but you are doing the right thing. You're protecting your son but also protecting yourself. You're important too.

Thank-you @Lottapianos I will try to repeat that to myself.
It's all the more heartbreaking because my son will say his grandparents names and he loves them but he's too young to have seen any of this other stuff yet.
I actually feel like my heart is broken a little bit now.

It's ok to feel heartbroken. It's heartbreaking stuff. Your son 'loves' anyone who is kind and makes a fuss of him. He's too young to know what these people are really like. You know the difference. You're protecting him, keep hold of that xxx

Thanks @Lottapianos 😊