To ask how you knew you were lesbian

[user1496429410]

I know there's not many lesbians on here. But, while I can tell then a man is sexually attractive I feel actually violated and upset when I kiss one.

Only started to feel this way

I guess the test is whether you feel different kissing a woman. Maybe you're not lesbian, just got an issue with kissing.

Not really 'getting' the OP. It doesn't make sense to me.

I don't fancy men. HTH

Sorry I know it was an odd OP.

I've kissed women and it feels completely right. I'm not remotely sexually attracted to men. I just can't find it in me to be s chalky attracted to them.

I'm just shocked I've only accepted this now at 28.

My mum only found out she was gay after two kids and twenty years of marriage!! I think most people just think being straight is the way it's done, so you go with that if that makes sense?

Better late than never.

I get what you mean. I have had sex with several men, each only once, and part way through got this heavy sense of really not wanting to be there. Sometimes even panicky. A couple of times I even stopped sex part way through and left. The times I carried on until the end, I think violated would be a good way to describe it. Not the men's faults, they were respectful and I did consent but I think on some level my brain knew I didn't want to and that's where the panic/violation came in.

At the time I was pushing to the back of my mind the attraction to women but since realising it and having sex with women I've never felt that way again.

Turn it on its head. How did any of us know we were straight?

We just did.

Same goes for lesbians.

When I ended up in bed with my best friend. Everything fell into place. I was almost 40.

I think the struggle you're having here is one with labelling yourself. If it feels right with a woman, cool. Go with it. If it doesn't feel right with a man ever, don't bother with men. You don't have to 'know' you're a lesbian or gay (or even straight IMO). You know when a particular person feels right. You've said so much in your post. Enjoy the experience.

Are you struggling with anything about the whole being attracted to women thing at all?

I think there's more lesbians here than you'd think

FreeNiki assuming we're all straight there. How very dare you.

Thank you everyone. I think it's time to accept it now.

FreeNiki It's not as simple as that. Most people are presumed straight until they say otherwise. Heterosexuality is the norm in our society, be it media representation, couples holding hands in public, families and parents that you know growing up, etc, it's all skewed towards straight. Most of us grow u with comments like 'have you got a boyfriend yet?' etc. So if you're straight you don't really give it thought and you just fit into all that. To realise you're not is often an active process and sometimes an unpleasant or worrying one, sometimes delayed well into adulthood.

I said / meant those of us who are straight....how did we know....just did.

One of my gay friends said he always knew even as a child.

freeniki

Some gay people do. Many don't though. It depends on the person. It's taken me ten years of misery to even start to come to this conclusion.

I like both...

Didn't know anything as a child, but as an adult, gender is not the major factor determining if I find someone sexually attractive or not - either I do, or I don't and mostly, that has been men but sometimes it has been women.

I suspect it helps that I just don't give a fuck what people think, and both parents were/are of the opinion that who I sleep with is none of their business and basically, they couldn't give a fuck either as long as that person is a good person and I'm safe.

My sister is gay and she did get a bit caught up in worrying what people think which caused her some issues as a teenager, and still does now (though not about being gay, just other irrelevant shit!).

Do what you want, do what feels right - as long as its not illegal or hurting someone else :)

I think Niki was making a point about the assumption of heterosexuality, not assuming it...maybe they didn't phrase it pefectly but hey, it's the Internet.
OP