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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed with this way of making arrangements.

59 replies

Sunshinegirls · 03/06/2017 20:11

Whenever we make any arrangements with any of DH family, they always say they will arrive "mid afternoon" or "early evening" or "late morning". This really pisses me off! I want to know an actual time so I can organise things! What time does "mid afternoon" etc even mean anyway? Am I being ridiculous? It seems to me that they consider their time to be more important than mine.

OP posts:
BandeauSally · 03/06/2017 20:51

Just go about your day and if that means you aren't there when they arrive you can say "well you didn't say what time you would be here".

Original poster
Sunshinegirls · 03/06/2017 20:59

I always plan to do that Sally in the height of my flaming anger then when it comes to it I don't do it because I don't want to create a fuss. I suffer my anger silently then politely smile at the tardy feckers! Pathetic I know! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshinegirls · 03/06/2017 21:01

Sorry for reminding you hurrysummer!

OP posts:
diddl · 03/06/2017 21:06

I wouldn't be waiting in & I wouldn't make the kids either.

If your husband is happy with such vague timings, he can wait in!

mummymummums · 03/06/2017 21:10

YANBU - my in laws do this all the time, and when DH tells me I usually make him call back and pin them down a bit more. They behave like I'm a control freak but no, sorry, I don't fancy waiting indoors for 4 hours to give them a massive arrival window! With children and busy lives it's just not fair.

BandeauSally · 03/06/2017 21:15

because I don't want to create a fuss.

This is your problem. However, it isn't actually fuss to calmly and light heartedly say "oh, well you didn't give a time so how could I know what time to be back for?" And follow it with a smiley confused face. They're hardly going to come out and say "you should have stayed in all day", are they? Keep it all light and non accusatory. Repeat as necessary.

WyfOfBathe · 03/06/2017 21:24

I used to live about 5 hours from my parents so I would say "I'm setting out at 10am, I'll arrive mid afternoon" and they would say the same when they came to visit me, because at that distance traffic/train times/etc can make a big difference.

I don't really understand why it makes you angry. Where would you be going if you weren't "waiting in" for them?

Waddlelikeapenguin · 03/06/2017 21:33

It depends on how far they are travelling. Half an hour? Give me a time. 5 hours a part of the day is fine. HOWEVER i expect a text ro say leaving now/ we're an hour away.
Doesnt work with MIL who tells you she's leaving then adds a whole supermarket shop in Confused

If people say they'll be over mid afternoon i usually say something like "oh that's great, we'll be here any time after three" to narrow down the potential arival time Wink

then we know how long we have to hide the worst of the mess

Snap8TheCat · 03/06/2017 21:35

It doesn't matter where they might be going, is annoying not being able to leave the house and dedicate a whole day to one person's visit.

Redsippycup · 03/06/2017 21:40

When they say mid afternoon or whatever could you reply with 'oh lovely, give us a ring when you are an hour / half an hour away'?

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/06/2017 21:43

They are tardy people who dont accept that they are late.

So if you say 6pm for dinner they are always late. But if they say "early evening" any time up until 8pm is on time so they are not late (in their heads).

I am queen of the passive aggressive comment though so I am not very popular with people like that, which is why DH's siblings dont speak to me. They are very much of the opinion that nothing starts until they arrive, they even fell out with a woman who dared to start her wedding, her OWN wedding, before they arrived an hour late!

Needless to say, no loss to me and I have managed to train DH so he has survived this far!

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/06/2017 21:46

My il's had me wait in all day once and they turned up after tea. I was livid. I always tell my ILs 'I'll be out so give me a ring half an hour before you arrive and I'll come back in time'

Mysterycat23 · 03/06/2017 21:46

It would not be weird if you weren't in when they arrived OP. Let DH wait about and welcome them make a cuppa etc. He can simply text or call you when they arrive and you can make your leisurely way back from town or wherever.

Mummmy2017 · 03/06/2017 21:48

This is what mobiles were invented for...

If you need to go shopping CALL them and say have you set off yet, as if your still going to take 2 hours I am goign to TESCO...

Also if meeting tell them to call you when they are at the car park and you will meet them at X as your going shopping first, do this with my kids..

supermoon100 · 03/06/2017 21:51

Mmm to be on the receiving end of people who need exact arrival times is also rather grating.

NotAMammy · 03/06/2017 21:54

Sorry if this has already been said but can you give them a time? So if they say 'mid afternoon' you can say 'great, so I'll expect you at 3pm.' Then stick to that time, allowing say a half hour leeway either side.

PyongyangKipperbang · 03/06/2017 21:55

Why is is grating that someone says "Would you like to come for dinner at 6pm?" and then expects you to actually turn up for dinner at 6?

supermoon100 · 03/06/2017 22:03

Dinner at 6 is a definite precise arrangement, stuff like that I am a stickler for time keeping, but if I was going to stay with relatives a few hours drive away I would give them a vaguer time such as the mid afternoon or mid morning. And same if people visiting me

Jupitar · 03/06/2017 22:07

Mmm to be on the receiving end of people who need exact arrival times is also rather grating

Grin Would you find it grating if they weren't there when you eventually turned up?

AlternativeTentacle · 03/06/2017 22:11

It would be weird if I went out.

Would it? Go out and come back later and say 'Oh mid afternoon, you should have specified a time, last time you said that you didn't show til 5 so I thought that's what you meant. Perhaps next time be more fucking specific'.

paxillin · 03/06/2017 22:15

I'd just do whatever is planned until I deem it "mid afternoon". Afternoon starts at 2 and ends at 6 for me, so 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. I'd be there from 4. Late morning- I'm no early bird, so that would be from 11 onward.

Any complaints, angelic face "You said mid-afternoon, 2 is early afternoon, isn't it? Best tell me a rough time then".

ProseccoandPizza · 03/06/2017 22:16

Oh god. This is like my childless friend.
Arranges to pick us up at our semi rural address at 11. Turns up at 2pm for an hour drive to day out. Day out closes at 4:30.

I never learn to say I'll meet you there.

supermoon100 · 03/06/2017 22:16

Jupiter it has never happened so I wouldn't know but if I had driven miles with small children on my own with various stops for nappy changing and clearing up puke I would expect the least they could do is to be in 'mid afternoon' to recieve me and welcome me with open arms upon arrival Grin

SchnooSchnoo · 03/06/2017 22:18

My mum is like this, except she won't specify a time when she invites us over. She'll just say 'come for lunch'. Ok, what time? 'I don't know, lunch time!' And then, when we inevitably turn up at the wrong time (lunch is a moveable feast in her house), she'll say 'ooh I assumed you'd be here around xx time, we've been waiting/we're not eating for another two hours!'

Infuriating!

MacarenaFerreiro · 03/06/2017 22:19

Late morning - anything between 11am and noon.

Mid afternoon - 3pm ish.

It's really not a big deal, if someone says they'll be with you "late afternoon" you reply "so around 4.30pm then?".