Ex, contact and whooping cough - aibu?

[sailorcherries]

My ex has contact EOW with DS1. This weekend DS1 was supposed to go to a caravan with ex and his mum (who ex lives with) but it was cancelled yesterday morning as exs mum is really unwell apparently and can't drive (and ex doesn't).

I agreed to drop DS off at exs today after his club (normally goes on a Friday night but as no one could take him to club this was changed to this afternoon). I've woken up with a dodgy tummy so DS2 and I are staying in the house while OH drops DS1 at exs.

OH phoned and said exs mum thinks she has whooping cough again but won't go to the drs to get checked. I've told OH to go back and get DS1 as, although he is vaccinated, the NHS website states he could still get it but not as severe but DS2 is only 2.5 weeks old and clearly hasn't been vaccinated at all.

Surely if you thought you had a contagious disease you do not invite others to stay in your house, especially young children and young children who have even younger and more vulnerable siblings at home?

I'm fully expecting ex to kick off but aibu to ask DS to come home?

As you said DS1 is vaccinated and I'm assuming you had the vaccine when pregnant with DS2 so he will still have immunity from that. Guessing if exs mum is really that ill she won't be having a lot to do with him this weekend so if it were me I'd be leaving him there and not having him risk catching your dodgy tummy.

Oh the dodgy tummy isn't something he can catch, it just meant that I probably shouldn't go in the car today. I spoke to NHS 24 and they ssid, despite vaccines, he can still catch it and ideally the person with it shouldn't be socialising with others, much like chicken pox.
Unfortunately exs mum does the bulk share or the care for DS1.

Ok well if she were going to be doing the bulk of the care it wouldn't be so unreasonable to go get him, she's probably be grateful as it would be difficult dealing with a small child while feeling that I'll. Suggest ex takes him out for day or something tomorrow and you'll drop him off/pick him up maybe if he tries to kick off.

She thinks it's whooping cough "again"?? If she's caring for small children she needs to have a DTAP booster vaccination herself and she needs to take it very seriously. Whooping cough can kill newborn babies.

I thought whooping cough was something you could only catch once.
That they're saying whooping cough again implies to me that either she's a dramatist over illness or they're trying to panic you into thinking you must fetch ds.

Personally I wouldn't risk it. I might've had a different response this time last year but my ten year old vaccinated child caught WC last autumn. He is still coughing.

Oh and you can get it more than once

You can get whooping cough more than once. Immunity from both an infection and also the vaccine wanes over time.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Whooping-cough/Pages/Introduction.aspx

I made OH go back and get DS1, at which point both ex and his mum kicked up a fuss, said it wasn't fair and cried asking my DS what he wanted to do, which obviously made my 6 year old feel like crap and upset him.

Whooping cough is only contagious for the first three weeks, you can have it more than once and children who've been vaccinated would rarely get it. Don't know if that changes how you feel but sounds like you were unhappy with the arrangements anyway.

DS1 has been EOW for almost as long as he has been born so the arrangements are the norm for us, no issues there. I do get annoyed when exs mum can't pick DS up as it interferes with his routine and means more running around for us (ex cannot money manage and doesn't see the point in learning to drive). I was also upset because DS was upset about missing a weekend away, although that can't be helped.

Unfortunately exs mum is still contagious. When OH first dropped DS off she "thought it was whooping cough but wasn't sure" and when OH returned for DS less than half an hour later she "had been to the drs yesterday and it was whooping cough but as she'd had it a week she wasn't contagious".

So her story changed to suit her needs but either way it was still unacceptable. DS will go back over once she is well enough.

Steer clear. No question. I caught it last July. Still have cough attacks now. My 8 yr old got it too. And I passed it onto a co worker. It's bloody nasty.

With that young a baby in the house, I'd advise steering well clear. Whooping cough in a neonate is seriously scary (instead of whooping, the daft buggers have an annoying habit of stopping breathing with the cough).

If you had whooping cough would you send him away to stay with ex for a few weeks minimum and not see him at all? If so then fine, if not then maybe you are being a wee bit hypocritical? Did ex offer to even take him out somewhere for a few hours?

Just thought I'd update. Ex never bothered to see him for a few hours, hasn't asked to see him this weekend either and has never asked to see him out with EOW.

And no I wouldn't send him to ex's house for personal reasons, he'd go to my parents. If I had a disease or infection that could make my children seriously ill then their needs would come first.