Who is BU Me or ExH?

[BitchQueen90]

I'm fully prepared to be told IABU so here goes.

It's my birthday in a few weeks and I planned to go out with friends for a meal and drinks. Exh works a job which involves shifts and he has one weekend off a month. He usually has DS midweek when he has days off. I asked which weekend he would be off so he could have DS and he told me, we agreed he would have DS that weekend. So I booked a table at a restaurant for me and a few friends.

He has now contacted me and said he cannot have DS as he is going to a friend's wedding. Normally I would not mind and see if I could change my plans but he has form for doing this. He did it before a couple of months ago when I was supposed to be going away and I ended up paying for a hotel that I didn't get to stay in. So I was a bit pissed off and said well it's tough because I've already sorted my own plans.

Honestly AIBU? If I am then I will try and rearrange but I'm a bit bloody fed up of always having to change my plans.

He needs to arrange childcare if he is going to a wedding the weekend he agreed to take her. He is bu.

No YANBU. It's the second time, he has to suck it up. His mistake, not your fault.

Yanbu.

Him sorry, sleep deprived with a teething toddler!

He needs to sort childcare. His weekend, his problem.

No, you're not being unreasonable.

just watch out for yourself though. My ex is inflexible and will just point blank refuse to co-operate. So I would put in place a back up plan (clearly dont tell him) just in case he refuses to collect your DC or be in when you drop them off.

He is being a twat...would he just refue to have your DC ? Is there anyone else that can have them

His weekend. His childcare arrangements. Never give in again if you have booked and arranged something - only if it genuinely doesn't inconvenience you.

Do you think he is finding out your plans and sabotaging on purpose?

One option is to stop weekend contact as he won't stick to the arrangements if he takes you to court he'll get fixed contact on his weekend off. Although you still can't force him to collect...

I've been there OP and unfortunately as you no doubt know it is not as easy as saying tough, its your week. In my case he was doing it just so that I couldn't go out, so have a back up plan for important things so that you can just shrug your shoulders and say 'fine with me'. He loses the power to piss around with your free time, and he loses out on time with his own son which he will hopefully very quickly realise is not a good thing.

Thanks for the replies. I don't think he does it to purposely sabotage my plans, he's just a bit selfish and thinks his social life comes before his responsibilities. He moans that he never has time for himself as he works FT and thinks I do because I work PT (although I do 90% of childcare compared to his 10%). Bearing in mind he's been on 3 foreign holidays this year without DS and is going on another in September.

He also has no local family support and I do so his answer is always "can't your parents have him." Yes they could but DS is not my parents responsibility.

I just wanted one drama free evening out.

Def not BU, but having a back-up plan does mean he can't screw you over, and ultimately only he loses out. Do keep a log though, in case it ever does have to go to court.

I understand why you don't want to ask your parents, but you are their daughter and if it's a rare night out for you, perhaps they'd be ok to babysit. Or find a babysitter?

I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind having him but I always feel bad asking. They both still work full time and have DS one or two nights in the week while I am at work so I don't like asking them to give up their weekends.

I will find someone else just in case but ex's lack of responsibility is very annoying.

YANBU as his DS is also 50% his responsibility let him find a way around this.