Aibu to ask not allow visiting children to use tablets/phones

[sahbear]

I have 2 DS age 8 and 9. Increasingly visiting children turn up with a tablet. My children have limited screen time. I am a bit torn between being unwelcoming by making them leave their device at the door or unwillingly increasing my children's screentime. What do you do? Mostly this is local friends/neighboring children who are not with their parents.

"You can all have 20 minutes then all screens are off ok! ". seems to work with my younger ones. Then after the time is up a quick reminder to pop them in the kitchen out of the way.

What Anni said

Isn't this the same as someone bringing a toy round so that everyone can play with different toys together?

Making videos is really creative. We've done some great stop motion animations with iPad apps.

I'd find a happy medium, say twenty minutes on the tablet and then its time to do something else. I wouldn't like it if DD's friends brought tablets round to playdates (hasn't happened yet but she's only 6 so might happen when she's older). I think the less screen time when they have someone to play with, the better.

@WhatABaklava

How is filming someone on your tablet (ie. using a camcorder) the same as hours of screen time?

I was always making videos/putting on plays with my friends as a kid. If we'd been allowed to film them all, I'm sure we would have done.

This view on MN that screen time is inherently a bad thing is quite damaging imo. Yes, in excess it's not a good thing, but in moderation there's nothing wrong with it.

Just kick them outside after half an hour if it bothers you so much.

Lazy parents ?

What crap.

It took my parents no more 'energy' for us kids to play monopoly than it takes me for the kids to do musically videos.

We ALL played Cluedo yesterday because they wanted to. We ALL went to the park because they wanted to. They made slime because they wanted to.

Tablets, phones, lying around the place - no screen time ban.

11yo friend was over the day before, they spent hours watching you tube gymnasts & learning moves, making musically videos, then they asked if I'd take them to the trampoline park & in the afternoon we did some baking that they asked to do. Then went out on their bikes. Decorated the baking, then late afternoon they played some horse game on their phones, chatting & connected 'in game'

Failing to see where lazy fits in.

caffiene - you are being disingenuous- the kids are not spending all their time being creative - people here are suggesting they are to justify their lazy parenting. Sure, tablets etc can be used to encourage creativity, but it's certainly not what they're doing the majority of the time.

My kids do have screentime, and at times too much (because I'm being a lazy parent) but they also know how to play, with toys (or sticks or mud or whatever they find) and they do so with their friends. If tablets come out, interactivity goes to virtually zero.

But we each parent our kids in the way we think is best.

I think all the evidence suggests screentime is harmful. If you take away screens children read books and play creatively. That said my children love their tablets, Xbox, etc and get a lot of pleasure from them. I guess families have different values and not sure exactly where to impose mine on other people's children.

Yeah, it's really uncreative to be making movies with your friends

Isn't acting/directing/filming things like that the very definition of being creative? Or doesn't it count if there's a tablet involved?

Basically in your house its your rules sahbear

caffiene - read my post more carefully (or perhaps your eyes are fuzzy after too much screen time?)

I did read your post. I never said they were spending all their time being creative , just that making movies is the definition of being creative, so if that's what they're using the tablets to do occasionally, what's the problem?

Anyway, if you're gonna resort to insults, I'm off.

Turn off the wifi while they're there...

It's easy OP

Let them play on the tablets for a bit - tell them how long they have. Then say "right guys, break from tablets, let me look after yours for you Philomena, let's go and play in the garden". They get another half hour later if they are tired or want to do something specific .

And chill out about it a touch?

Yes it's a sad state of affairs when an 8 year old comes round and their first question is "what's your Wi-Fi code?" !!

There's a very simple answer to that problem - big smile and "Sorry, we don't give out our code to anyone".

Coincidentally, I hadn't heard of the musically app until this morning when someone had posted in FB about a link to it and online grooming.

If you google "musically app grooming" lots of stories will come up. I know this is an issue for all online apps, but it seems that musically is attracting the dregs of society (i.e. The groomers, not the kids).

For clarification, I am posting this FYI, and not trying to use it as part of the screentime debate.

Yanbu and I say this as someone whose ds is glued to the tablet (Minecraft). Our rules are that he can take his tablet but it stays switched off unless the child he's visiting has one and is allowed to play on it while he's there. We go on the basis that he adheres to the rules of the person whose house he's visiting and we expect other children to do the same. When ds's cousins are here we ask them to find other things to do.

No way would I give a visiting child the wifi code. I'd let the children play an offline game together in that situation for perhaps 20 mins then tell them it's time to go and play.

OP, I think you're being a bit U. I had two other 10 year olds round the other day to play with my DS. They managed their own time to:

Play on their phones;
Play board games;
Play Lego;
Play on the PC / gaming consoles;
Play outside on bikes and things;
Complete the demolition of an old climbing frame / swing (think Clarkson, May and Hammond rather than the professional demolition people);
Build forts and 'rafts' and dens and the like from the remains;
(Safely) toast marshmallows over some of the burning wood from the above;
Soak each other to the skin with the hose.

The only thing I had to intervene with (other than keeping a careful eye on the fire) was to force them to tidy up the mess at the end of the day.

That's really rude, yanbu.

I think all the evidence suggests screentime is harmful.

It really doesn't. Some research concludes it's bad. Some concludes it's neutral. And some concludes it's beneficial. If you delve into the studies rather than just reading the pop-science articles about the conclusions, you'll see that what's important is how the screen time is spent not the screentime itself. In this case where the children are making videos, that's likely to fall into the latter category and be beneficial. They are engaged in creative, collaborative work while using the modern tools available to them. That's actually pretty wonderful.

Before speaking to the parents , just make sure that your children haven't asked them to bring the tablets . I can imagine kids saying 'bring your tablet coz my mum doesn't let me play on mine much- if you bring yours she can't say no!'

Your house, your rules. Just make sure that the parents of the visiting child know in advance.

My ds is nearly 12 and only in the last year have i allowed him to take his phone to friends house, he has never asked to take tablet. If he goes on sleepover he is told he has to leave phone with hosting mum at bedtime. They really don't need them so yes at that age i would ask parents to keep them at home, you are not criticising them just stating your preference

I think it's a very tricky one.

Sadly we live in a world where devices are a big part of children's lives. It would be nice to go back to a time when things were different but we can't.

DD and her friends (10/11) use tablets and phones as part of their play so I don't limit them as I find it becomes counter productive. Left to police themselves they tend to use them intermittently between outdoor play and other fun stuff. They find a balance.

Equally at this age friendships become such a tricky thing and if your DC's friends feel that your home is the only place they cannot use their devices freely, this may in turn cause them to not want to come and could negatively affect your DC's friendships. Not the way things should be but just honestly telling you a possibility.

Overall I find that if you give children the chance to find their own balance, the majority of them will do so and benefit from learning to self manage.

That said, I do say 'no face timing' when friends are around as it's rude to take calls from others when you hand guests and DD's friends are told the same rule.

I would have said the same thing tha you initially.
Except that Ive found children dont really play together anymore. They play on tablets in the same room, often on the same games so they can compare etc...

I wouod let it go, make it clear to your dcs that its oly when other dcs are around and continue to limit screen time.

My two dcs are teenagers now. It worked well (and yes they are still have restricted screen time)