To not want to leave DS overnight?

[onemumtwocountries]

Am I being precious? PFB?

We have a couple of events coming up this summer that would require us leaving DS overnight (with PILs). I've said to DH I'll either not go or go and leave early/drive back (one event it's 2.5 hours away so not easy).

DS will be 1 in the summer. I don't really have a reason other than I don't want to leave him. PILs are capable but I just don't feel like leaving him. DH says it's unhealthy for me not to want to leave him.

AIBU? Should I want to leave him overnight at this stage?

Left my 7, 5 and 3 yr olds with DH overnight for the first time last month. Just about managed to relax. Would not leave them with anyone else tbh.

When you are ready you will know.

Both. I think YANBU exactly but perhaps a little bit precious.

why risk it if I'm not bothered about going away

Maybe your dh is bothered? I think he was out of line to say it's 'unhealthy' but if he's saying you'll both have a good time and his parents are capable then why not? I think he has a point. I left my ds over night with my sister at 4 months and we had a nice time (she was only 10 minutes away though). Dd was a bit older I think. Now they're almost 2 and 3.5 they're used to going to stay over night with dsis, they enjoy it, we enjoy it, dsis loves it so it's win win really.

Battle He can say what he wants and encourage me to go but I don't think he can say that I'll have a good time! I understand him wanting to go out - we can do that locally and my MIL can come watch DS while he's in bed - that's a win win for me. Or we can wait until he's older, I'll have no problems with overnight stays at the grandparents once I'm no longer feeding him and he's old enough to understand...

My 2-year-old feeds to sleep and comes in to me at about 3 where she'll BF and stay until the morning. She'd be distraught if I wasn't there and I wouldn't do an overnight until she stops BFing. I presume everyone saying your child will be fine doesn't BF and has children who sleep through. You know your baby - YANBU.

whoooooo

The mother comes on sleepovers with the children?

Under 1 is still a baby baby, yanbu at all. We didn't leave ours until gone 3 when we went to a funeral. We are not martyrs, just never felt the need and they needed us. It's up to you, you are not stopping DH going.

Besides, I think some misunderstand the word martyr. If you're not bothered about going, and your child actually needs you you are hardly martyring yourself.

The first time I left ds1 was when I had to give birth to ds2 (ds1 was 2.5). I haven't left them for a night with anyone since (they are now 5 and 3), although just starting to think I'm ready (and quite fancy my first lie in ever!!!! Hope it happens soon!!!)

YANBU and your DH is being very U by saying it's unhealthy - it's not!

YANBU.
I'll be leaving DD overnight for the first time to go to a wedding when she's 20 months and I'm already dreading it.

Thanks all, I'm leaning towards going and driving back/leaving early - that really shouldn't upset anyone! DS goes to nursery part time and is socialised, I don't wrap him in cotton wool but nights are difficult.

Impartially I would say YABU but the general consensus so far leaves me in the minority! If you feel in your gut that you shouldn't or don't want to go then don't because you probably wouldn't have a good time there if your child is on your mind. May I ask if it was relatives of yours rather than in-laws would you feel differently about leaving your child with them?

Mission Good question, at this stage I would feel the same about my mum and dad having him (they live overseas so no option). MIL is very clued up and we get on, so no problems there.

My mil told me that one sleepless night didn't matter to her as she could catch up on sleep anytime.

onemum I have 5DC (oldest late teens and the youngest is 10) and the only time I was away from them overnight voluntarily was when I was in hospital having their baby brothers until about when 4 years ago I went away for a weekend with a couple of friends!

There was one day when the 2 oldest were 4 and 2 my MIL took them against my wishes to the beach, then informed us late on in the evening she wasn't bringing them back until the next morning! Worst night of my life but that's a whole other story and now my DH and I are both NC with her.

I can't say that not being away from mum or dad has ever done them any harm.
They very happily went off on school residentials, Beaver/Cub/Scout camps without looking for mum or dad! Now my DH and I are both Leaders we have to go to the camps anyway but that's completely different.

On the other hand I have cousins who left their young babies with the GPs whilst they went for weekends/on holidays and it doesn't seem to have done them any harm either!

What suits one family does not necessarily suit another family, go by your own instincts and don't let your DH push you into a decision you're not happy with!

You have to do what is best for you.

You may even agree that your DH goes and stays away over night. Inevitably though, even if you agree this weeks or months in advance, the week leading up to DH being away will, for some reason, be the hardest and most stressful since the birth of the child (that seems to happen a lot around these parts- the babies know when to have bad weeks). And you may end up posting on here that you are annoyed he is leaving you even though it had been agreed to go with your choice of you staying and him going. Personally, I wouldnt risk it, arrange for childcare and go have fun.

You are, eventually, going to have to do that anyway. (the friend of WhooooAmI24601 about has a seven year old who may want to do things like joint a youth groups like the cubs who go on camps without their parents - can you imagine the trauma thats going to cause that friend).

scottishdiem I'm a Beaver Scout Leader and have taken 6 year olds away to camp. Some of these boys and girls have spent nights away from their parents but also some of them have not.
I don't want to make a swiping generalisation of children but I must say it's usually the children that have not stayed away from their parents before that settle quickest and easiest!
Of course, that is not true in every case but it's what I have mostly found.

StarsAndStripes18 Oh I know kids are far more resilient that their parents give them credit for. I was more concerned for the parent who goes on sleepovers with their child (one wonders if cuddly toys are involved as well).

I think as soon as he's late toddlerhood or preschool age I will put his needs/development before my feelings and allow sleepovers as we see fit as a family. But for now he doesn't need to be away from home at bedtime and I'm going to be selfish and do what suits me. I'm no expert but I very much doubt sleepovers before the age of 3 have an impact on independence aged 6+? I might be wrong of course.

I never spent a night away from home until age 9 when I went to summer camp and I turned out just fine moved abroad in my twenties but that's a different thread

If it works for you that's fine.

My now 6 year old has regularly stayed with both sets of grandparents all her life. First time was about 3 months old when I went to a wedding about 5 hours drive away. Now she is older she asks to stay.
She loves them and has a wonderful bond with them.