In thinking the parents blamed me - yet it's not my fault <stamps foot!>

[youarenotkiddingme]

Took DS and his friend to a theme park the other day. I paid for ticket and we went to shop day before to get packed lunch stuff which both parents knew - plus one works at shop and saw us and we told them!

Friend bought packet of biscuits and chocolate with his money to take and mum sent packed lunch and some money.

His friend kept saying he was hungry and eating throughout the day as well as eating lunch I provided. He ate all food from mum, food he bought, packed lunch from me, chips and sweets he brought there and also had dinner on his return.

I did comment he couldn't possibly be hungry but he said he always eats loads. Who am I to disbelieve him?

Anyway 2 days later I see parents on seperate occasions and both commented for length about how he'd eaten to excess and been sick and dad was moaning he'd had to clean it up.

They appeared to blame me saying I didn't control it but I think I can't physically stop a child from eating - can I?

I have said to DS I will not be taking him again - AIBU?

It's most likely just a teen with a bit of freedom, too many sweets + theme park rides. And many 14 year olds are stick thin so that's not in itself a cause for concern either.

but it's also easy to overlook eating disorders in teenagers, especially amongst boys. So, whilst the obvious explanation is probably the most likely, I'd also be hoping the lad doesn't have bulimia for example.

Sorry I meant the stick thin comment as perhaps he burns food quickly/ has a fast metabolism if he eats loads too!
More of a "I don't think he has an issue with overeating" kinda side comment.

Maybe would have helped if I'd explained that

Erm that's interesting actually re eating disorder - he was insistent on repeatedly saying "I don't know where I put it" and showing me his very toned stomach everytime i suggested he couldn't possibly be hungry again!

The thing with boys around that age is that their growth spurt is like a rocket boost. I remember DS' growth all went into his height for a year or two and he was like the proverbial bean pole; whilst eating us out of house and home.

This is all very normal and as parents we laugh and roll our eyes. And we complain that the fridge is empty. Again.

The trouble is, it's also easy to overlook the child with an eating disorder amongst some of that light hearted jokiness. As I said, it's most likely that your Son's friend over did it fir the day, but there is something about his parents reactions that makes me just a bit uncomfortable.

I was stick thin at 11 and tall. My knees were the thickest part of my legs as seen in a school skirt. I used to tell my mother I was still hungry after eating dinner and she'd scoff and say I had worms!

So I suppose I might have acted in the same way, had I had access to money.

What Pyongyang said.

The fact that the parents blamed you seems to suggest that they expected you to take on the proxy food police role they probably enforce at home with their son. Children of that age and size should be allowed to eat when they are hungry. Food disorders are a bit of a wild card when the obvious reason is that the child is on a growth spurt.

14 year old boys can, and often do, put away an amazing amount of food. My youngest could out eat any man I'd ever known when he was 14 and then he'd still be looking for a snack. YANBU, keeping a 14 year old boy from food is a task beyond mere mortals.

Hmm. I wouldn't really expect to have to accompany a 12 and 14yo around a theme park. Maybe check in on them every now and then. I'd certainly expect that they wouldn't eat themselves sick. But the 14yo doesn't seem very mature. Most 14yo's knock around with kids nearer their own age ime and don't need so much supervision around spending/eating. In your situation I think I would have had to call a halt to the eating though just because I would challenge anyone to eat that volume of food without being sick and with fair rides/transport it could well have been you cleaning it up!
I don't blame you for not taking him again though. It sounds like he needs a lot more looking after than you would reasonably expect for a teen.

I wasn't by their side the whole time. But my ds has ASD and does need some supervising.
This lad is immature socially.

But I still had no idea what a child his age would normally eat and how much a tall teen boy would eat.
I made comments and that was it.

His mum did say you have to put your foot down to stop him constantly eating - ok, fair enough!

But his dad knew I'd bought packed lunch stuff, he told his mum he'd got a few bits at shop (stuff he bought) and she'd made packed lunch for him to last whole day. She said she didn't know I'd made one as well.

It didn't occur to me to actually speak to parents beforehand as the lad had information and they could have spoken to me if they wanted more into than they had. This is the second time they've come with me.

But I am going to keep an eye out for him food wise. I've recently stopped his habit at turning up at 11.30am (so just before lunch)

Ds either goes out with him (which ds will rarely go out to play) or he's told to come back after lunch (1.30) and can stay til 4.

Okay well let's flip it. Hes Mithering for biscuits. You refuse saying.
No youve had enough. He goes home to his mum and says, to his mum. I was hungry and Youare wouldn't give me anything to eat. She'd have been moaning about you saying no to her snowflake.
So either way. You were in a no win situation.
You take her child out. Make a fuss of him, and She kicks of like a banshee.
Talk about gratitude.

She didn't kick off or wail like a banshee. Just both the parents seemed to want to discuss it at length and tell me all about it.
Mhm saying he'll eat too much if given the opportunity.

I could obviously control what I gave him - and did. He was given a reasonable and normal sized packed lunch. I also didn't buy the donuts or ice cream as I felt it was encouraging the ridiculous behaviour. But I couldn't say do not eat what mum packed or stop him eating dinner when he got home. I also couldn't physically stop him buying sweets and chips with his money.

I will admit that I obviously gave him too much credit for being able to manage his own needs - because clearly he's more immature than I first thought. But his parents should have informed me he will eat too much and checked food situation if despite dad knowing they were unsure.

I'd already decided I would t take him again due to other factors (he's a complete PItA!) but this just sealed it for me!

I'm at a 14 year old eating so much he makes himself sick unless SN.

I wouldn't expect to have to police his food intake at that age. His parents need to start encouraging self discipline quickly, he will be an adult in four years and possibly living away from home! I dread to think about the mess he will get himself into then!

My stepson did this a couple of times at that age. Once was at Christmas - he just didn't stop. I mean you can tell a 14 year old he should probably stop but when do you trust them to know their own bodies?!

He still does the 'look I'm so skinny' thing which irritates me as I know it comes from his mum who is borderline obsessive about her weight.

It's not your fault. I can't even believe you took his money!

DD aged 12 and her mate are here and their money is their business!

Perhaps his parents don't give him any food freedom and so he couldn't cope with a bit when it came his way.

I went with a church youth group to a Theme park at a similar age and my sister and a couple of other kids were sick a while after going on a spinning ride several times in a row. (The one where it spins so fast you are stuck to the wall and the floor disappears.) They had eaten a lot of food all day as kids tend to do when on a day out. It's kind of normal for kids that age to be a bit on the greedy side as they are growing fast and tend to over-do it on the treats.
I don't think you should be blamed. My parents certainly never blamed the church leaders! His parents need to have a word with him about being more careful and eating less next time! Something he can learn from the experience.

Next time they mention it:

'I know! I still can't believe it myself, I'm not surprised it is still bothering you. He literally ate constantly throughout the entire day with me, I was worried then that he would feel ill, I'm just astonished that he carried on at home. There MUST be something wrong. Have you taken him to a doctor? Ruled out worms?'

Keep on and on about it in return with a REALLY concerned face.

I would just ignore the ungrateful fuckers.

If I was feeling brave I would tell them the only polite thing to say when someone has taken your child out for the whole day is Thank You...

Mhm saying he'll eat too much if given the opportunity.

Yep, food police. So when he was off the leash he went mad, sounds so familiar. My sister is massively overweight because she has no self control around food as we were never taught it. Every morsel that went into us was controlled. As a PP said, in a 4 years he could be living away at Uni, how on earth will he manage? Unless she is one of "those" who will try and get him to live at home for as long as possible.....I know one of them too :(

At 14 I wouldn't dream of policing his food when guest. Esp in fact given his height and that he's v thin

I have a DS a similar age.

It is bonkers to suggest you need to police what they eat at that age. They are perfectly capable of knowing when they are hungry and thirsty and when they've had enough.

Yes, teenage boys can sometimes eat their body weight in food when in the middle if a growth spurt, but even then they do stop when full.

I think perhaps the parents are realising their DS has an unhealthy relationship with food and are in denial, trying to find a scapegoat for this bizarre behaviour.

So he had two packed lunches, chocolate & biscuits that his mum knew about?

Oh, & money.

Had chips there?

That sounds like (more than) enough for the day.

Can't think why his mum saved him dinner-especially when she knows that he'll overeat given the chance!

Don't think mum realised I had made him packed lunch. Not sure why as I thought it was clear when I had BOTH boys at supermarket day before and dad saw is there "choosing their lunch stuff for tomorrow" it couldn't have been clearer.
Apparently boy didn't tell mum I had lunch stuff and he told me mum made him the other packed lunch for his dinner.

I took his money because he was holding it in his hand as waiting for ride as he was desperate to spend it! He asked for it back the minute they got off and I gave it too him and he wanted chips.

My ds was shattered by then and his legs were hurting anyway so we went into the chip shop place and sat down for a bit.

Part of me is kicking myself for not being able to control it but the other part of me couldn't allow this lad to be hungry and I trusted he was eating because he wanted/needed to.

At 14 he eats what he wants it's ,not for someone to police it and equally at 14 he should be able to throw up in a toilet without making any mess .

If they don't trust him to moderate his own eating at 14 then I pity the poor kid as he's being babied. He's not 3.