Aibu about this new relationship

[Lookingforabetteryear]

So I have one dd aged 4. With dds father I had a bad experience , he was cruel and nasty and we broke swiftly after dd. Anyway early this year I met a new guy , he's a few years older , divorced , has kids , fellow professional. All going well , we have a holiday booked in September already. But he's vey regimented , he likes to meet say three times a week for dinner n stay over / go out if we have sitters . We often take kids out too. But I feel that he'd never just pop around and seems to think he's v v busy when doing normal life tasks eg. Going the bank/ car wash . Makes me feel that life is v planned n regimented . He also suggested to me that he is unsure if he'd consider marriage again in future (something i DEFO want). He's nice and we have fun. I fee im leading / being v keen whilst he's happy to not see me as much as is possible . Is this a normal set up or is it odd?!J

He sounds spot on to me.

Don't rush it

I live with my DH so see him all the time, but aside from eating dinner together and watching half an hour of tv, we probably only "do something" together once or twice a week. 3 times sounds pretty good.

I think this sounds great, my now DH was like this when we first got together and it made things really easy. I don't like people just popping round, I have to know when they're coming so it might just be that he's the same.

I'd take that he prefers organised times as a good thing, you both get your space and independence whilst being together. Definitely healthier than someone who turns up as and when with no regard for what plans the other might have.

Thank you , I really appreciate the Comments. There are occasions where he's at home alone n I am and he doesn't come over , just makes me feel he doesn't miss me. He'll txt me to say he misses me then doesn't come over when presented with opportunity

I've been single for ages. I can't imagine seeing someone 3 times a week

There are occasions where he's at home alone n I am

Being alone is important. Being ok with being alone is really, really important.

I can truly miss my DP while also enjoying the space and quiet, and getting jobs done so that I can relax and enjoy being with him another day.

I know how you feel - I like to feel that he would spend all his free time with me, pop over late at night once all the DCs are asleep (he has a live in nanny) and make the effort to meet for lunch on a work day.

However, sometimes it is bliss just to have a bit of time to myself.

If he sounds keen and he is happy to be with you on the regular days, then maybe try to adjust your expectations of a relationship and enjoy keeping it casual?

I know that's easier said than done by the way.

IF you genuinely like him, then I'd say give it time. It sounds as though you're very different people but that's not necessarily a bad thing. My DH is very different to me and he's totally not the kind of man I pictured myself winding up with - but I think we bring out the best in one another.

Op he sounds like people in the first year of an interaction SHOULD be. Not big declarations and chaos and excess emotion. I agree with pp's - every time I've interacted with it dated someone who wants to "cone over at the last minute" they've been bad news. What's the rush? Find a hobby or be comfortable in your own .

This type of guy would suit me. I like my alone time even in the 'madly in love stage'. I think the only reason DH made the grade because he lived in foreign country when we first met so I didn't feel stifled. And l loathe people 'dropping in for the sake of it'. I love hosting and having people over but need arrangements. I guess it's just different strokes for different folks.

Is he a nice man?
From what you've written, he has good qualities, e.g. a sense of responsibility with getting chores and errands done. Three dates a week is a lot of time for someone who works and has his own children! He sounds level-headed.

If he's not sure he wants to get married again, I think that's fair enough considering his first marriage broke down after so long. But if you guys are a good match and love each other then he might change his mind - you might need to be very patient though.