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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset no-one has remembered my DS' birthday?

14 replies

Greenpineapple · 02/06/2017 21:52

My DS2 turned 3 today, the first birthday since we moved abroad 8 months ago. He has a large extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins, but only my parents remembered to call or sent him anything. No-one else sent him even a card. I posted some photos of today on social media, which drew happy birthday responses from some, but that's not the same is it? It's not even as if we live on the other side of the world; we're still in Europe. Of course we've had a nice day anyway and he's only three so he doesn't really know or care. But AIBU to feel a bit hurt and sad his wider family seem to kind of not bothered with his birthday this year?

OP posts:
ROTFLBSST · 02/06/2017 22:06

I can sympathise i also live abroad, it does seem as soon as you're out of sight birthdays/xmas are out of mind pretty pronto.

Something which helped us stay in touch on occasions, I sent our close friends and family an FB message saying something along the lines of 'the new address is x for your diary, always love post' :)' I'm always a sender though and realise can't always expect it returned unfortunately, will also mention it in passing with enough time for it to arrive out here.

Happy Birthday for your DS 🎁

peachgreen · 02/06/2017 22:08

YAB a bit U, sorry. I know he's the most important person in your world and that's as it should be but to everyone in your extended family he's just another relative, and one they've probably not seen in a while. Do you send cards to everyone in your family? I would expect cards from grandparents, your siblings and maybe godparents / the equivalent, but not much else really. It'll all change when he's at school, he'll have more presents than you'll know what to do with!

Ravenblack · 02/06/2017 22:15

YANBU, but unfortunately when you move away from the area where the family/wider family grew up, (be it 100 miles away or 1000 miles away,) people will start to lose interest in you. Not on purpose, but because you're not there.

Sadly, people have their own close family fold, neighbours, work colleagues, siblings, partners, friends etc, who they see daily/weekly, and the new baby of an extended family member who lives 1000's of miles away is not going to be at the forefront of peoples minds.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

Original poster
Greenpineapple · 02/06/2017 22:17

Well yes, even though we live abroad I do remember birthdays and send cards and presents to all my nieces and nephews. And the people who have forgotten include my siblings and the other grandparents (no godparents as such.) Since he's so young I'm not making a big deal of it but it seems a bit unfair. On the other hand hopefully it'll mean everyone forgets my birthday too this year (one I am keen to avoid!)

OP posts:
Pinkheart5919 · 02/06/2017 22:19

Yanbu

Most people own a calendar, and family is important well it should be how hard is it too post a card once a year!

I hope he had a lovely day 🍰 🎁

Ravenblack · 02/06/2017 22:32

@greenpineapple
Well yes, even though we live abroad I do remember birthdays and send cards and presents to all my nieces and nephews. And the people who have forgotten include my siblings and the other grandparents (no godparents as such.) Since he's so young I'm not making a big deal of it but it seems a bit unfair. On the other hand hopefully it'll mean everyone forgets my birthday too this year (one I am keen to avoid!)

I do hear ya. However, I have seen this happen to a few people I know. They move away, and the rest of the wider family stay in the town they all grew up in. Then the person who moved starts to get a bit pushed out of everything. One pal of mine was very upset because her 2 sisters, 4 nephews and nieces, and 4 aunts and uncles and 6 cousins started forgetting the birthdays of her 2 children, and hers, AND her husband's. Then after a couple of years, they didn't send Christmas cards anymore.

They also had various celebrations like BBQ's, Engagement parties, and birthday parties etc, and my pal was never invited. And they never ever ever visited her. (She moved 250 miles south.) It was always her visiting them. Even her parents - although they maintained more contact and sent greetings cards - only visited twice in 18 months. When she actually confronted several family members, their response was 'well YOU left, so don't have a go at us for not including you in stuff; you're not here anymore.' They seemed baffled that she was miffed, because in their eyes, they couldn't have been that important to her, or she would not have moved 250 miles away.

AceholeRimmer · 02/06/2017 22:41

I have noticed this but don't mind as it's less things to remember and less things to buy.. Whenever we have lived near people we have always bought presents as we see each other, and then when they move/we move- they stop so we stop. He really won't mind unless the parent makes an issue of it and will be getting plenty of presents elsewhere.

SquinkiesRule · 02/06/2017 22:46

Only my mother sent cards to my children for their birthdays when we lived abroad. Not even family living near us who were also abroad remembered.
I just ignored the whole thing.
They'd have only two or three cards, and a parcel from Grandma and presents from us, and some from a party when they got to school age.
Sad but thats how some people are.

glenthebattleostrich · 02/06/2017 22:53

OP, we don't even live abroad and half my family forgot or ignored DDs birthday this year.

11 neices and nephews, 4 siblings, 4 in-laws and half of them didn't bother. 19 years of remembering birthdays (including sending gifts, driving 200 miles with a homemade and decorated cake one year) christenings, Christmas, first holy communion a and every other occasion known to mankind and not even a text message from 2 of my siblings.

Then today a call complaining I've only put £10 in my niece's birthday card ... ...

Families can be shit, this year the adults can whistle for gifts / cards / any kind of greeting.

glenthebattleostrich · 02/06/2017 22:54

Sorry, that was quite a rant.

mummymummums · 02/06/2017 22:58

YANBU but we live in England as do my children's 2 aunts (Dh's sisters) and they have not once in 10 years been on time with a Birthday for either of DC. A week late is very good for them, 3 months late is not uncommon though, with a present eventually appearing.

Hippee · 02/06/2017 23:05

Perhaps there are cards in the post. I lived abroad and on my 21st I didn't get a single card - they all arrived the day after.

QueenOfRubovia · 02/06/2017 23:09

None of my DCs have ever had cards or gifts from any of my family. We live around 200 miles away. It's not that they don't care for them, it's just not something they do. No cards for me or dh either.
I always send a card on their birthdays. Meh. I'm not all that bothered.

PaintingByNumbers · 02/06/2017 23:22

you left, thats how it goes. it will be the same/get worse with time unless you are putting in 10x the effort. sorry :( hopefully some cards are just lost in the post.tho

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