Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

bad idea for a bolting toddler

53 replies

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 02/06/2017 19:59

DD has suspected ASD and is 2.5. She is horrendous for bolting, she has reigns but can unclip them, I physicaly can not.get her into a pushchair and if I do then she can undo them anyway. I also have 8 month old baby so Im not always able to be thay quick at running after her.

would it be wrong to get a little badge to pin onto the back of her clothing with my number and to say she has suspect ASD?

OP posts:
furryelephant · 02/06/2017 21:05

There are only 2 crash tested products that are designed to stop escapee children, the BeSafe belt collecter, and the "5 point plus". Apparently they're both very good!

furryelephant · 02/06/2017 21:07

Sorry that was in reply to you asking about in the car seat- I have no experience with anything else but had read about the car seat harness strap things recently Smile

Littlecaf · 02/06/2017 21:07

Can you put a caribeaner (sp?) around the buggy straps as well as fastening them? So you have double security but you can get her out if needs quickly? What's she like in a car seat?

I'd also use bribery (ie stay in the buggy/in reins and you can have a chocolate biscuit/sticker/new book) etc.

Soubriquet · 02/06/2017 21:10

What about Trunki reins?

They are strong Little reigns and hard to get out of

Soubriquet · 02/06/2017 21:12

these are them. Maybe you could let her pick her own design

There's different ones like red foxes and pink cats

fuzzyfozzy · 02/06/2017 21:14

When you find reins she can't undo, use them in the pram too.
I love the tshirt over the top idea!

SoMuchWaiting · 02/06/2017 21:21

Soubriquet the trunki ones are the ones I was going to suggest too. Lots of material so not much wriggle room to get arms out of and they do up at the back with a fairly difficult occasionally grandparent proof clasp.

Original poster
eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 02/06/2017 21:43

husband would be a fab idea if I had one, Im a single mum with zero practical support so if something needs doing it gets done as a very noisy, unhelpful threesome.

those trunki ones look amazing! are they generously sized, she is the size of a 3.5 year old

she wont go for t shirt over the top, it will cause a horrendous meltdoen.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 02/06/2017 21:53

Oh yes very generously sized

They go right down to 6 months and right up to quite big too. Once you know how to adjust them, it's easy

Anditstartsagain · 02/06/2017 22:02

I would clip my name and number to my child it's not like your doing it in the hope that you won't need to go looking it's a safety measure if all else fails she's lost and someone finds her they can call right away.

Obviously do everything you can to stop her getting away but some info can't hurt.

signandsingcarols · 02/06/2017 22:10

when my ds (ASD non verbal till nearly 5) was little we had a wrist strap and a rein (lead) attached to it, I took a cat collar, (nice and soft inside for sensory issues and it had a D ring attached) which acted as a wrist band, the band stayed on him and when were somewhere he could safely wander I would unclip the lead from the D ring, (which had a loop at the other end I could slip over my hand), I would hold his hand or arm, but if I had to let go I knew he was still 'attached'. It worked really well for us, he was comfy, safe and secure.

Mumoftu · 02/06/2017 22:11

If she can slip out of reins then they aren't adjusted tight enough. My child with asd was a bolter - he didn't want to hold my hand, use reins etc but it's really not something you have a choice over. They have to learn to adjust. I'd sooner have meltdowns (and I did many times) than have my child run over.

mygorgeousmilo · 02/06/2017 22:27

I think that a part of the solution could be to start treating her like she has autism. Show her simple visuals and tell her in very short and clear sentences, where you're going. Look up autism iceberg, it'll help you to remember steps to look for the cause of the behaviour as and when you see it arise. Try PECS or Makaton. She'll then know what to expect, then hopefully not be so overwhelmed and therefore less likely to bolt. Avoid supermarkets and anything in which you can actually get a delivery. It sounds counterintuitive to avoid things in order to make a child more sociable, but the less sensory overload that a person with autism is subjected to, the more calm they are likely to be and she could then be more likely to be receptive to communication. Look up some books on autism, anything by Temple Grandin, Steve Silverman, or Ron Susskind will give you some good insights.

littledinaco · 02/06/2017 22:33

Could you get a sling for your DS that you can feed in, then you don't have to stop feeding him if you need to run after your DD.

Maybe consider which places you go to and at what times. Often bolting can be a sign of panic/anxiety so maybe a farm is just too much for her and she was overloaded causing her to run and run. Same with the supermarket/shopping centres, have you seen the video of what it can be like going shopping with ASD?

Maybe try to re-think where you go, so quiet parks/woods rather than swing parks. You may find that if you reduce the places where she gets stressed the bolting stops and then when you do have to go somewhere busy/stressful for her, it's not as bad.

Some children are just bolters no matter what you do but often it can be reduced by altering how you do things.

It sounds like the reigns are really stressful for her too and she's just in a panic to get them off and run, basically flight or fight. Obviously you need them for her safety but you mention the car straps and that she won't tolerate a top worn over the reigns. Has she got tactile defensiveness? If she has, there are things you can do to reduce this.

Original poster
eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 02/06/2017 23:42

oh gosh thank you. ASD is completely new territory for me, professionals had been thinking it for a while but it only twigged that was the concern about 6 weeks ago for me. It does explain so much of her behaviour but i have no idea about how to make ot better for her so Im going to read up on everything mentioned to try make a start. thank you

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 03/06/2017 07:50

eenie honestly, having my own lovely child with autism, and working with families of other children - I can say that the children doing really well and enjoying their days are those with parents that accept their child's condition and address it. So the fact that you're actively dealing with the possibility of an ASD diagnosis, and nice and early, means that things will hopefully start to improve really soon. Read the books, lower the sensory overload, and do the visuals. Keep everything simple. I'm really hopeful that you'll start to see happy results soon and that you're all less stressed Flowers

CatsRidingRollercoasters · 03/06/2017 07:52

I've heard you can buy things which fix over the clips on car seats and buggies to stop children from undoing them. I'd be worried that it would be harder to get them out of their car seat in an accident, but it might help here. I'll see if I can find a link...

Original poster
eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 03/06/2017 07:59

completely unrelated to my original thread question but its just occurrd to me..

their dad left mid january and not seen him since and its honestly like she has not noticed, she hasnt asked for him once and genuinely seems to not be aware. Could this be the ASD?

OP posts:
SnugglyBedSocks · 03/06/2017 08:10

Probably. Was he very involved with her before? If not then there's not much to miss

Cakescakescakes · 03/06/2017 08:17

And try the SN Chat or SN Children boards on here. Lots of advice and help there for you :)

Trifleorbust · 03/06/2017 09:00

Sounds reasonable to me, OP. Obviously you will do everything possible to prevent her running away, but if she does get away from you, this is just an additional layer of protection.

CircleofWillis · 03/06/2017 09:57

We used a buggy board on the pram which reduced escape attempts along with a rear fastening harness. It was an old leather mothercare one paased on from a friend.

In the car we are using the 5 point anti escape harness from Halfords.
www.halfords.com/kids-zone/car-seat-travel-accessories/child-safety/5-point-plus-anti-escape-system
We also found giving her plenty of warning and then letting her climb into buggy / car seat herself reduced tantrums. For a while we also let her out of the buggy as soon as she asked so that she didn't think she was going to be stuck there indefinitely.
Lots of simple explanation helps too. We are going to the shops so you have to be in the buggy with Reggie. When we get to the park you can do some running.

Original poster
eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 03/06/2017 17:44

we were sat in greggs earlier (i work there and was sat with dd and area manager) and literally mid-sandwhich she stood up and ran faster than ever straight out the door towards the main road, a stranger caught her but I don't think I have ever moved so fast yet so slowly. She is getting worse by the day, not better :(

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 03/06/2017 17:50

you can get special needs reins. stronger for when they dangle off them. I suggest two sets of reins over the top of each other. and use them to attach her to the chair in coffee shops.

reins over the top of buggy straps made it harder to wriggle out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread