To think I should / will have to organise my own Hen do?

[nameofthellebore]

I have nc for this as I feel so embarrassed!
I'm getting married in late July. So far not one of my dear friends has mentioned organising a Hen do for me. They are all super organised and like most of us with families plan in advance for other stuff (e.g I'm already talking to them about summer holidays meet ups etc). I've organised hen dos - fairly sedate grown up activities for some of them as we all got married much later. I'm usually quite reticent about celebrating stuff for myself but even I would really be touched with a good night out chance to wave off my single days (even though I should add that my partner and I have 2 dds).
What would you do? I don't really understand as I feel like a really good friend or that's what my wide circle of friends say. Is it because we are not having traditional bridesmaids? Thanks for any thoughts. Don't know why I find this so mortifying. Perhaps I just feel hurt ?

I've organised my own 'hen'. Not having bridesmaids, so as you say, could well be the reason. Maybe just mention it to them in passing? I just set up a FB event for a spa afternoon, with a link to a voucher deal for it, making it cheap as chips

With no bridesmaids and you already having children maybe they feel the wedding is just a formality.

I organised my own as wanted to choose the restaurant myself and pay for my guests. I didn't feel comfortable with the wedding costing them anything bar new clothes should they so wish.

If you aren't having bridesmaids, and hence no hierarchy of bridesmaids, it might not be clear whose remit this falls under. Have none of them asked you what the plan is?

I'd either pick my closest friend and ask her to do it, or organise it myself. FWIW I organised my own (but that's because I didn't want anything fancy, and it didn't take a lot of arranging!).

Just have a nice meal and night out with your friends and female relatives, it doesn't need to be a weekend abroad costing a bomb.

If you don't have traditional bridesmaids probably everyone thinks someone else will organise it. Nothing wrong with arranging it yourself.

I organised my own hen do as my 'friend' that was organising it initially, booked everything I said I didn't want and then asked my friends and family for over £400. It was one night up London but loads packed in- loads of things I didn't want.
Do it yourself, there's no harm in that

You aren't really single, you have 2 kids together. Arrange a meal or evening out. Keep it simple.

I organised my own hen do. Didn't even occur to me to expect someone else to do it for me. We had a weekend away in a house in the countryside. Booked beauty treatments with people that came to the house and took loads of food and booze with us.

I had my 6 year old daughter as bridesmaid and no adults as it would have been too hard to choose between them all. Not sure that's relevant to the hen do though.

If you want a hen do then organise it. Or if you want someone else to sort it then ask them. No point sitting in silence worrying about it, you'll drive yourself crazy.

Congrats on the your upcoming nuptials

I largely organised my own Hen night and I had two bridesmaids. I wanted something fun and simple.

The bridesmaids organised some fun surprises with the other attendees behind my back but the planning, organising and booking was done by me.

Most of my friends have done the same.

Is there any need to have an actual 'hen do?' If none of your mates has talked about organising anything, it sounds like they are not fussed, and may not even be interested in coming. I may be wrong of course.

When I got married (over a quarter century ago!) I arranged to meet some mates from work, and also several neighbours, and also a few old pals (so about 30 women in all,) at a certain pub in the middle of town. No planning, no buffet to organise, no passports, no costly weekends away that will give you little change out of a grand; just a few drinks and some pork scratchings and crisps.

Just arrange to meet some mates at the pub, the weekend before your wedding.

Hen dos are tacky - have some class and don't have one

Thanks so much for input. That's made me feel so much better! I like your point 2014newme - you're quite right . I'm not really after a big night / hugely expensive event as it seems a bit much. Perhaps it's just because I organised my friend's one and made it quite personal and quirky so I was kinda thinking she might reciprocate. God! Weddings they and the stuff surrounding them are so full of expectations and politics and I've fallen into that trap I guess! Good to know that I could just organise my own without it being too weird. I think some of this might stem from
not having grow up here so I don't have childhood friends here. Re roles - a couple of my friends have kindly agreed to do readings but no bridesmaids as didn't want to upset friends by asking some and not others.

I agree - if you've no bridesmaids folk are probably worrying about stepping on toes by offering. If you want one do it yourself or outright ask one of your friends.

I didn't have bridesmaids other than my dd and none of my friends organised me a hen do. But I never went to any of theirs as I think they are daft so there you go.

I organised my own - I was the first of my friends to get married so whilst I had bridesmaids (all childfree), it didn't occur to me to expect them to organise anything so I went ahead & arranged it all. No dramas & everyone had a great time (plus I tried to be sympathetic to everyone's budget).

I organised my own as I didn't have adult bridesmaids. I think that's what the problem is here. As you say it's a busy time of year - people are organising holidays and childcare for the school holidays - but it sounds like a complete oversight.

I'm sure if you suggest something then people will come and/or organise it.

Invite for a meal and a night out. No need for the full screeching harpy exercise, just meet some friends.