AIBU to ask how you'd split household chores in an ideal world?

[Lozzy5790]

Hubs and I at a standoff. We both feel like we're doing more than our fair share of household chores, when probably neither of us are actually doing enough. I work evenings and weekends and hubs works long (really long) days M, W, Th, F.

We have a 7 month old baby so when one of us is working the other one has the baby to deal with. Neither of us really gets any alone time which isn't helping - we're either at work or with the baby, and when we're both off work at the same time we try to make the most of it and do things as a family.

Obviously it's difficult to tidy/clean when you're looking after the baby so we try not to put too much pressure on each other but something has to change.

How do you split up household chores? How would you change things if you could?

Also have a 7 month old, my boyfriend works mon-fri around 50/60 hours, I'm on mat leave going to uni in September.
We actually split it pretty much 50/50, with me doing a bit more of the general day to day stuff as I'm home more.
As a general idea......
I'm in charge of clothes washing/drying, he does ironing and putting away.
I cook mostly, we clear plates, fill dishwasher and a quick tidy as soon as finished, dd stays in her highchair while we do this.
He does bath/bedtime and now dd is a bit older I tend to give downstairs a tidy round while he does, run the vac round, finishing any bits in the kitchen etc.
We keep antibacterial wipes in the bathroom and either of us gives it a wipe round before bed.
We are both pretty tidy, and tidy/clean as we go along. So it's never bad, we split deep clean and other jobs depending. So today my bf often finishes early, he's been doing the hedges and tidying the garden, with dd watching in her pram. I've given the bathroom and bedrooms a good clean, bedding had been washed and dried and he's going to iron it and make the beds.

I guess we just do what we can, when we can.
Neither of us think it's the others responsibility, well I kinda think the gardens his and the diy. That sounds really sexiest and I'm not like that at all, but I'm just not a garden/diy person either.

I hear you. My OH does loads but read this recently and it so captures it www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Yes yabu for using the term hubs

In an ideal world he does everything without being asked and without complaining!

I don't know how to reply to specific people, but I think we are just going to have to make a chore list with days, and stick to it.

As someone else mentioned baby is really clingy - she won't 'just sit and will only nap if I'm in bed with her or pushing her in the pram.

I liked that article about mental load - I think now I've read that I feel that it might be that I'm struggling with. If DH (not hubs- sorry ) goes to the shops for something he'll only go and get that one thing, but I'll remember we need butter as well, oh and milk, and we're almost out of porridge. I'll ask him to take plastic recycling out and he Will, but just leave the full bag of paper recycling right next to it, and not bother rinsing the bucket/tub thing we use.

Atm I do all cooking, dishes, laundry, bathroom and kitchen cleaning, hoovering, but now I'm back at work I just don't have as much time - when I was still on mat leave I'd give the baby to him and run around for a half hour every evening getting everything done that I'd not managed during the day, but now I hand her to him and rush out to work. I make his dinner for him ready to just be heated up and he'll just leave the dishes next to the sink and her food half eaten in the bowl/smeared over the highchair/on the floor. It's too much for me.

But equally- I do understand where he's coming from - he works incredibly long hours and then comes home to look after the baby.

Think I'm going to see if we can stretch to a cleaner every two weeks to do the bigger/more time consuming jobs then I can focus on day to day maintenance.

Cheers all :)

I wouldn't be happy with him leaving the dishes!! Maybe stop making his dinner for him, if he can't clean up after he's eaten. It's so two minute job and maybe it would be a good idea to encourage your dd to sit and wait in her high chair whilst he does it.

My boyfriends like that with the shopping though. I think it's because I have a walk round so see things and remember what we need, he's straight in, gets what he needs and out. On the plus side, he spends less if he does the shopping as he gets exactly what's on the list and no extras.

I work full time dh works a day or two a week. Dd at school full time. Ideally he would do the bulk of housework and i would chip in with 50 percent of general tidying/cooking/washing up when im home.

Just laughing at dirtychailatte retort to peanutbutterjelly from up thread. Nice one . Some people just need pulling up on their twattery occasionally