Asking relative to pay money that they owe - advice please

[ComingUpTrumps]

Right - this is a tricky one.

I have a relative who's attending an event with me. Some of the relative's costs for the event have been paid for by someone else. However, there are still some costs that need to be paid for. I tried asking the relative to please pay the outstanding costs tonight, but they refused.

How do I negotiate this please?

All tips welcome.

Sorry - I meant to say thank you in advance as well!

Why did they refuse? Sounds rude.

Why did they refuse?

Have the misunderstood? Are they an arsehole? And if they're an arsehole why are you going with them

They refused? I would tell them that they won't be attending with you unless they pay. They have no business refusing.

Negotiate? If they're not paying, they're not attending.

Tell them they can't go unless they pay up

Find someone else who wants to go and happy to pay

Tell them you need £x by whatever date or you'll sell to someone who will pay. Make sure you get it in advance though. Don't fall for 'I'll pay you when we get there'. Cause they won't!

The relative and I don't have a great relationship unfortunately. Also, the relative (who I'll call A) is also under a huge amount of work-related stress at the moment, so I have some sympathy for them. This might be why A refused to pay.

A may also be confused about what they owe because, as mentioned in my OP, some of A's costs for the event were paid for by another relative (who I'll call B).

However, there are also outstanding costs. I spoke to B tonight about the outstanding costs. I respect and like B, and have a very good relationship with them. However, I think that B felt during our conversation tonight that I was being deliberately snide and nasty when I pointed out that A still had some outstanding costs, as I don't have a good relationship with A.

I need to bring up the outstanding payments request with A directly in a polite and non-confrontational but firm way. This is particularly important, as the payments are for a family event next week. I don't want to be out of pocket. There's no way I could bring up the issue about the outstanding payments with A at the event, as it would of course be awkward all around. I feel very frustrated.

Dear A, I am out of pocket by £x until you reimburse me. Obviously I can't afford to pay for your share as well as my own - bank details are... please can I have it by Monday as I don't want to have to sort this out at the family event.

Tonne honest, your op is so coded and obtuse that it's quite difficult to offer advice?

What event?
What relative?
Why wouldn't they pay?

Is A your sister? I would text and say "looking forward to seeing you at x next week. Just to be clear, as I think there was a misunderstanding earlier, B very kindly paid for x, but there are still the costs for y, x and f to be paid for. The total is x and my bank details are .... Please could you transfer it by Wed, thanks ". Would that work?

Thanks for your suggestions Random and Narnia :)

llhj I don't want to give too much away as I know that my relatives use this website. I've already mentioned why I think A won't pay.

Can you refuse to take A unless the balance is settled?

Pants I can't refuse to take A because it's a family event that we're both going to by train.

At this rate, A will just take the train, pay for their train ticket themselves and take part in the activities that I've already paid for.

I've sent the relative a polite message asking them to pay. I'll let you know what happens. Thanks again for all of your help.