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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to pay into joint account proportionally?

39 replies

auberginefrog · 01/06/2017 21:38

Married with 2 under 3s and currently on maternity leave. I noticed on another thread that someone is having a hard time with their other half insisting on bills being paid 50:50 out of joint account.

I am the main earner usually in the relationship although a bit less now on maternity pay obviously but we have always had separate bank accounts which we transfer money into to pay bills - basically sum of all bills divided by 2 gets paid in by each of us each month and we keep the rest ourselves. Neither of us are skint after this and we each have our own spending money but I have substantially more. Am I being selfish for not paying proportionally? (Have offered but he has said no and also have used savings to offset drop in salary on mat leave and to help fund a house paying in proportionally more on that but equal share in property if that makes sense)

I feel if I were a man and posted this here the response would be that I was awful and mean. Am I?

OP posts:

Flumpernickel · 01/06/2017 22:53

Bizarre, we have a joint account and always have. It just makes life so much simpler.

NoSquirrels · 01/06/2017 22:57

dun1urkin

We did proportional when we were just us, both working full-time, but with different salaries, careers, priorities which we both chose of free will.

Then when DC came along - with more expense, loss of income, childcare considerations, part-time work to accommodate family priorities as mutually defined - we moved to 'equal spending money". As otherwise you are penalising the person who can no longer choose to earn at their full capacity because you've agreed as a family how/who should work.

dun1urkin · 01/06/2017 23:04

NoSquirrels

Ah I see. Your first paragraph exactly describes our set up (apart from I am part time, but pay into the joint account as if I was full time, so as not to financially disadvantage the joint financial situation)

I get that it's totally different if DC are in the picture and that decisions are made re childcare.

That makes sense. I see people saying 'should have equal spends' all the time, but didn't ever see how that was fair.

carjacker1985 · 01/06/2017 23:07

We don't have DC but we share a life together, and it wouldn't be much fun if DH was constantly out splashing the cash while Im sat indoors unable to do anything because we've split the bills proportionately and I'm left with basically nothing. It just seems like it would breed resentment and arguments for us. Different things work for different people- if your arrangement works for you then great, but for us we like to have our money as equal as possible.

dun1urkin · 01/06/2017 23:14

I guess that comes down to what is agreed as joint expenditure.

All jolly japes and fun had together are paid for out of the joint account in our house.

Cash is splashed by the higher earner (being me ) but on things that DH doesn't give two shits about like shoes and handbags and the odd weekend away with mates.

CharlieandLolaCat · 01/06/2017 23:14

To be honest, I can see both sides on this one. That said, however, if you're clear that you're approach is fine why on earth did you ask the question?!?

Voice0fReason · 01/06/2017 23:32

I don't understand how each partner in a couple can be happy having a different standard of living to their life partner.
We are one family unit, we both contribute what we can in whatever way we can.

supermoon100 · 01/06/2017 23:42

It's incredibly petty to divide money up based on how much you earn. Be one family, one pool of money.

wrongshui · 02/06/2017 00:04

I think proportionately is fairest but if he refused then I think you paying for extra things like more dc stuff and holidays probably evens it out.

I'm suspecting since he is perfectly happy with the amount of spends he has he would rather contribute half than "be subbed by his wife"

If no one is short or unhappy then I can't see any issue personally, especially as you are paying for extra things.

The "I work harder/longer I deserve more" attitude coming across isn't the nicest though and would piss me off if I got that from my spouse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2017 00:13

He should do his fair share of housework, you should pay more into the pot.

Same free time, same spare money.

I don't understand why people marry, which is partially a contract saying that everything you own is now joint (often in the vows) and act like roommates. It's weird to me but whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

carjacker1985 · 02/06/2017 13:08

Agree MrsTerryPratchett.

indigox · 02/06/2017 13:14

Not selfish, I'd only have a 50/50 arrangement.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/06/2017 13:19

I too think it doesn't seem as though you like your DH very much. Money may be the least of your problems.

You're meant to be a partnership, a family but it doesn't sound much like it.

Imo in marriages money all goes in the one pot.

Lules · 02/06/2017 13:30

We have separate accounts. He pays practically all the bills but because he earns a lot more than me he still has more spending money.

I like it this way - I feel more independent. I don't want to know exactly what he spends his money on and vice versa. I don't need/want any more money than I have and if I did he'd give it to me and regularly asks me if I do. But according to MN this is terrible to the point we don't have a proper partnership.

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