To think you can't just send your child home when you've had enough of them?!

[phoenixtherabbit]

I'm absolutely at the end of my fucking together with ss's mum.

He Is 12. They were not getting on so he moved in with us.

Things have gone from bad to worse with them because she is just constantly rejecting him. Not having him so she can go get pissed usually and sending him home early because she cannot be arsed with him.

She says he has a bad attitude with her that he answers back and screams and shouts and calls her names. He admits to being irate with her but says she provokes him (I believe him)

She's just sent him home early and won't be having him at the weekend now because he 'Kicked off' she didn't elaborate on this.

He doesn't behave like this with us. He sometimes does not listen but there is kicking off to speak of what so ever

Aibu to think she should bloody well parent him rather than sending him away every time this happens and that she should resolve it rather than expecting us To (which is hard because we don't have a bloody clue what's actually happened!)?

Yanbu - what does his dad say? Maybe counselling for the two of them (ss and his mum that is) would help?

I had this with my exH. He used to call me or text and say " Do you want to come and get the kids now"!! Ha! You're their dad, I don't ask you to collect them when things aren't going smoothly.

I have every sympathy, it's a shame she uses pathetic excuses to get put of having her own son for the weekend. I do feel sorry for her son, and it's her relationship with him that she is ultimately ruining.

What would happen if your dh refused to let her get away with saying no, has he tried this?

Sounds like a nightmare for him.

Is he suddenly looking much more like your dp now he is older? Not that this excuses anything.

Not much really. He obviously talks to ss about it and asks him why he behaves so differently and he just says the same every time that his mum provokes him

Dp is starting to think it would be better for them both if ss didn't stay but I think that will really ruin their relationship and as much as I think his mum is not a good influence on him I don't believe it's fair to stop contact.

They may benefit from councillinh together but it's not something his mum would do I don't think

He does look a bit like him I suppose. They have a lot of similar manerisms.

He has said no previously she dropped him off told him to get out the car and went. No idea what would have happened if we hadn't have been at home!

Poor boy. I was rejected and eventually abandoned by my mum at a similar age, and it really messes you up. Make sure he feels secure and knows you love him

My SS was treated like this, he ended up on Heroin.

I've had to not meet up with him on occasion because I always see him as the 14/15 year old boy who wanted his Mum's love.

Don't focus on what she should be doing, my DH did that and it wasn't productive.

Ask him his perspective and don't make excuses for her, or criticise, unless he needs to know that he's not the one in the wrong.

She isn't going to change and hopefully he will distance himself from her.

Whatever you do, don't encourage contact because "it's his mum".

That's awful birds

I can't help but focus on what she should be doing because I can't see that there's anything else we can do. He knows he's loved and secure with us but he wants to see his mum and I just wish she would treat him how she makes out she does on facebook.

I'm just fed up of her palming him off on us when she should be spending quality time with him. She only sees him two days a week and doesn't do any of the proper parenting e.g. disciplining or Washing clothes or helping with homework etc. She gets to be the 'fun' parent and she can't even manage that!

Dp is starting to think it would be better for them both if ss didn't stay but I think that will really ruin their relationship and as much as I think his mum is not a good influence on him I don't believe it's fair to stop contact.

This part has confused me, wouldn't it be better if stepson stayed at yours at the majority and with his mother the minority (i.e. when he wants to) rather than what your partner suggests or is that not possible?

Does she pay child maintenance?

While contact with a parent is important,think about it for a second.

Your SS had to come living with you because his mum couldn't deal with him,now she goads him and provokes him to start arguments so she can just drop him off on your door step again. That's rejection each and every time he sees her,and that's without counting the actual arguments. Is that really better? Is contact with a parent so important that a 12 yo child has to put up with this?

Could contact be shorter? Just a couple of hours at the park,cinema,having a drink and a chat etc. Also don't force him to go to when he doesn't want to... he'll only end up back at yours anyways.

Whatever the reason his mum acts like she is,he shouldn't have to endure it.

Poor bugger. If his attitude to her is shit I don't blame him. 12 year olds aren't stupid.

She sounds like an a-hole.

This part has confused me, wouldn't it be better if stepson stayed at yours at the majority and with his mother the minority (i.e. when he wants to) rather than what your partner suggests or is that not possible?

It's not the days my partner suggests. He and ss and his mum talked about it and agreed the dates. He only stays two nights a week and one of those is a school night so he only sees her a few hours after school and he gets up and goes to school the next day and comes home to ours. Then after school Friday night and home sat eve.

He wants to go. He wants to see his mum.

I did think it was just a clash of personalities and they'd get over it and especially with him not living there but it doesn't seem to get any better.

I do honestly think he's trying to behave and not acting out on purpose I just think he's very easily hurt and I know what she's like and she will say things without thinking about his feelings. She often says nasty things about me and his dad and he doesn't like that. So he might talk back to her but he thinks that's right because she's saying something she shouldn't iyswim?

I don't even know what to do for the best and dp seems yo just be burying his head in the sand now.

She does pay maintenance yes after a long fight with the csa