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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep thank you cards simple?

26 replies

WannabeMathematician · 01/06/2017 15:52

Hi all,

I recently got married! Yay! (I'm still quite giddy)

So now I'm at the point of writing thank you cards.

Daft question, but would you be offended if you were a general guest (not wedding party) and just a really simple message?
To ,
thank you for coming and thank you for your kind . It meant so much to us to be able to share the day with you, -Maths & Co

I was speaking to my aunt and she said I should effectively write a long personal letter in each one. Do people expect that?

(Sorry for typos on my phone)

OP posts:
EZA15 · 01/06/2017 15:54

Ooh no..I never did. I wrote something very similar to what you did. Although now you may get loads of people coming on saying different!

EZA15 · 01/06/2017 15:54

So YANBU!

Pinkheart5917 · 01/06/2017 15:55

I wouldn't be offended if I didn't even get one tbh, I never really look at them if I'm honest they annoy me.

Yes what you've wrote sounds fine as you are naming the people and the gift, what more do people want blood?

wobblywonderwoman · 01/06/2017 15:59

We did a cars with our photo, nice generic message for all guests.

Then handwrote one line on the bottom. We have received postcards with everything Pre written which is fine I think but nice to have a line of something personal such as 'great night of dancing with you or loved the gift - we are getting great use out of it' type of thing

wobblywonderwoman · 01/06/2017 15:59

Card

trilbydoll · 01/06/2017 16:01

I usually say thank you very much for X, it will look lovely in the kitchen / come in very useful on holidays / make life easier / insert some other relevant statement here. Not much more effort but looks more appreciative Imo.

peachgreen · 01/06/2017 16:03

I don't think it's too much to include a more specific item thank you and at least one "personal" sentence in each. So mine essentially said "Thank you so much for joining us for our special day, and thank you for the beautiful lamp! I've cheekily nabbed it for my bedside table so DH has to just look longingly at it from afar! It was so lovely to see you and hear your exciting house news - can't wait to see photos. Do let us know when you're settled and send me your new address! Lots of love, peachgreen and DH."

So it's not a long personal letter but it at least doesn't feel like a format!

We had 120 to write and it took about three weeks, doing maybe 5 or so a night. I did half and DH did half!

MrsHathaway · 01/06/2017 16:06

People do expect more than that. Can be generic ("had a lovely time in Maui on honeymoon") but honestly yours is primary school content!

Better than nothing, but wedding thanks have their own style. The reason you get up to a year to send them (yes really) is because they take so damn long.

MrsHathaway · 01/06/2017 16:07

That said, you could reserve longer letters for older and/or more traditional guests, and send one-liners to your younger friends.

Original poster
WannabeMathematician · 01/06/2017 16:08

Ok yeah this is the same sort of thing that I was thinking.

My aunt was saying I should give everyone a thorough break down of my account of the day, then my husband's, then what we've been up to since and what we've done with the particular gift.

I thought it was bonkers and no one would read that anyway. I'll keep it simple with perhaps and extra personalised sentence per card.

Thank ladies (and any gents)

OP posts:
AWhistlingWoman · 01/06/2017 16:09

I got a very poisonous letter from DH's aunt because I didn't specifically mention the precise sum given and detail what we had spent it on. And do have to say was longer than what you are proposing!

Perhaps a little bit of differentiation as to who is likely to take offence - although these is no pleasing some people Grin

LadyRoseate · 01/06/2017 16:09

I wouldn't mind a short generic note at all. But I know some people (like my mum) expect a letter - it's as if you owe them some effort!

I once went to a friend's wedding - male friend and I didn't know his new wife very well. I gave them pans off the wedding list.

The wife sent me a long chatty detailed letter about how thoughtful it was of me to give them pans for their married life and how she would enjoy cooking for her new husband with the pans. It went on and on, she obviously felt she had to fill a page! It was daft, they were off the list, I didn't choose them and a quick card would have been fine.

The poor woman must have spent weeks writing to everyone like that!

Cineraria · 01/06/2017 16:10

I did similar but just added a couple more sentences, one saying something nice about the gift and another with something specific to them too, e.g. looking forward to seeing you again at.../it was so nice to catch up with you at the reception and hear that..., so that it looks a bit more personal.

Original poster
WannabeMathematician · 01/06/2017 16:14

Oh I didn't know I had a year to write them...

I thought people would think I was rude if I didn't get them out in a week! That's why the message was so simple!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 01/06/2017 16:21

I think a year would be considered a bit excessive by most but you certainly have longer than a week! We had to find a new house / interview for new jobs the week between our wedding and reception, and then moved house / countries two weeks after that so ours were delayed a bit, but we had them all done within 3 months. I felt like that was a bit too long tbh but I don't think anyone else cared!

RoseAndRose · 01/06/2017 16:23

You don't think have a year to write them!

They should always be written as soon as possible - gifts sent before the day should have the letters written beforehand too (but OK not to post until after) and those which arrive later, you do as soon as back home (from honeymoon if it follows immediately).

And yes a short letter such as you propose will be absolutely fine. I'd add a sentence saying something nice about the gift (even if you hate it) but it doesn't have to be a long screed.

Once you have the knack, you can knock out a good thank you letter in under 5 minutes, so if you aim to do a few day and a few more at weekends, unless you had a massive number of gifts they'll al, be done in 2-3 weeks.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/06/2017 16:29

Dear friend

Thank you so much coming to our wedding. It was lovely to share the day with you. Thank you also for the very kind gift of the wine cooler. In this hot weather it's getting lots of use!

Thanks again.

Love Wanna

Thank you for coming seems very casual and can't be arsed

MrsHathaway · 01/06/2017 16:39

OK a year is probably excessive but a week is nuts! You can definitely take a month to write them, a handful at a time.

wickerlampshade · 01/06/2017 16:40

Dear (person)
thank you so much for (gift). I am looking forward to using it to make some nice home cooked meals/play squash/display all our wedding photos/etc etc.it was lovely to see you on our special day and hope to catch up again soon
yours etc

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/06/2017 16:43

It doesn't matter how short but I do prefer when people mention the actual gift I got because it shows they did notice what I got them.

londonmummy1966 · 01/06/2017 16:53

I agree with pp - a month from return of honeymoon is fine - your letter would be fine if you added a personalised sentence about the gift or what you are going to spend the money on. BTW never mention the sum gifted - with all due respect to PP's aunt it is a bit vulgar....

Can be a sheet of paper or a card but should be handwritten.

When I've had to hand write a batch of notes I usually take them to a local cafe and write them over a child-free latte - makes it into a treat rather than a chore....

Coddiwomple · 01/06/2017 16:54

I would appreciate to receive any thank-you cards, too many people don't bother.

I do prefer a hand-written note with a bit of a personal touch (mentioning the gift, or seeing them at the wedding, or sorry they couldn't attend or whatever). I had around 200 letters to write (got a lot more gifts than I had guests!), and it took me a month. We did wait a couple of months to go on our honeymoon, so everything was done before.

FadedRed · 01/06/2017 17:09

Of the five wedding gifts we've given in the past year or so:
Four were cards with wedding photo(s) on.
Three had thank you and signatures, the fourth was two short paragraphs naming the gift and the use they had put it to.
All four arrived approx two-three months after the wedding.
The fifth couple did not send any thank you card, nor have they acknowledged the gift in any way, despite their parents being our near neighbours, who they visit at least once a week. Rude.
Itching you would be doing fine to send a card within three months of the wedding, and brilliantly if you add a sentence or two personalising it and mentioning the present.

FadedRed · 01/06/2017 17:24

Itching? Wtf? I think

C3H8O · 01/06/2017 17:37

Simple messages are the best for anyone that isn't direct family or a close friend of yours. Long personal messages from acquaintances can come off as very superficial from personal experience. I had weddings I loved attending but unless I'm good friends with the married couple, extending the event past the actual day itself (in the form of an account of the day and what you did afterwards in this instance) seems quite weird.