New etiquette for modern life

[user1485342611]

The world has changed so much in recent times that maybe we should come up with new rules for how not to piss off your fellow citizens.

Rule one

If you are in a cinema or a theatre or at a church ceremony switch off your phone. Just - switch - it- off- and-leave-it-off-until-it-is-time-to-go.

Feel free to add rule 2.

Dropping your children to school/creche does not give you a special dispensation that allows you to park on double yellow lines and yellow boxes or across people's driveways.

'If you take your children to a restaurant, don't just plonk them in front of a screen and insist it's the only way you can relax. Interact with them FFS, and teach them how to behave in a restaurant. It will pay dividends very quickly. And yes, I do judge. '

My son has autism. I 'plonk him in front of a screen' sometimes as it quells his anxiety when he's in public. I don't give a fuck who judges me for it. Try thinking outside the box, it gives you less of a wedgie than hoiking your judgey pants.

Don't presume that because your child came for a play date that I can look after them til 8pm on a school night when my child goes to bed at 7. I am not a free babysitter.

If some msgs you on FB messenger you must reply instantly or they think you have taken the huff with them.

A long bus or train journey is NOT THE TIME to have a long-winded phone catch up with every single member of your family or friends. I dont give a shiny shit about what you watched on telly last night or what you bought for lunch or a dissection of your last long term relationship. Just shut. The fuck. Up.

When at the cinema please follow Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's rules of cinema, the 10 commandments of Wittertainment.

@expat I'm well aware some children 'need it'. I have two autistic kids. But most of the people I see doing the plonking are parents of toddlers. It's not the case that in the past five years every other toddler in a café/restaurant in my town has additional needs or disabilities. Parents use them because it is 'easy'.

@bakedbeansandtuna
"If some msgs you on FB messenger you must reply instantly or they think you have taken the huff with them."

Oh the horrors of this. I have two friends who seem to expect this. I try to wean them off by replying slowly but it is not working. They then reply instantly. Hello, friends, I have a life, and I do use Facebook for work so I'm not necessarily available for a social chat right now.

If you have a child who is able to control their behaviour, tell them not to scream in playgrounds and soft play.

Mine would be:

*if you are going to give your children iPads etc in restaurants- headphones or turn the sound off or better yet if no SEN do not give them at all

*if there are plenty of seats on the bus/in the cinema/doctors waiting room etc DO NOT sit on the next seat to someone

*do not be looking at your phone when: driving, crossing the road, getting on/off public transport, on the top or bottom of escalators.

*do not announce other people's good (or bad) news on Facebook or instagram before they do.

*teach your children it is NOT okay to run around in restaurants/climb on furniture etc.

I'm sure there's more...

Never use phone at dinner table
Never use phone at dinner table
Never use phone at dinner table
(or lunch or breakfast)

Especially if you are the invited guest.

No, we dont want to see that 'funny' you tube clip either

Have good manners and consideration for others. Don't judge others or be an entitled twat yourself. If someone/ something pisses you off to the point of your blood beginning to twitch, then address the issue to the offender politely but firmly.

"If you're walking down the street and someone pushing a pram or in a wheelchair is walking in the opposite direction, be the one to move over. It's easier to redirect your two feet than a pushchair/wheelchair. Also if said pushchair/wheelchair obviously move to one side of the path, move to the other side of the fucking path!"

As a pedestrian I will always step aside, move, or sometimes even walk in the road to allow the less mobile or more encumbered easy progress along the pavement ........ so a wee 'thanks' to us wouldn't go amiss either.

If someone holds a door open for you, don't just barge through igniting them as if they're not there. A quick "thanks" takes a few seconds and makes the other person feel appreciated.

Ignoring, not igniting.

I don't know what you're talking about. "Poo" in French is "caca" whereas "merdre" is "shit". HTH 💩😠

Sorry, wrong thread

Find your oyster before you get to the barriers!

When you have a poo check the bowl for skids before leaving the bathroom. If you have left deposits, clean it up (if you can) so that the bowl is clean for the next person to use.

A supermarket/shop/pub/restaurant is not a play park for your offspring. They need to learn to that there's a time and a place for running around screaming or racing about on their scooters.

When at the cinema/theater turn your phone off and leave it in your pocket or handbag. Even if it's on silent the light from the screen is distracting to other cinema goers.

If you have been dating someone for a while and decide you don't want to see them again, let them know rather than go silent and ignore them.

If having a conversation with someone or meeting up with a friend or generally seeing another human being put your fucking phone away and reply to texts later otherwise I will start texting you while I'm with you.

@Thesnorkmaidenreturns: I am SO glad I'm not the only one who feels like this...!!!!

I cringe when that little red icon appears. I need to lower my stress levels (!!) - needless to see I did get rid of FB notifications coming up on my phone :D

"As a pedestrian I will always step aside, move, or sometimes even walk in the road to allow the less mobile or more encumbered easy progress along the pavement ........ so a wee 'thanks' to us wouldn't go amiss either."

I always say thanks, but I am fed up of manovering my pram over to one side of the path for the pedestrian to then move to the same side and insist on walking right into my pram or trying to squeeze into the gap next to me when I clearly moved over to get out of their way. I've had it so many times that I've just started stopping and gesturing to the other side as they approach. Not in a rude way but almost like an air hostess. One person actually moved into my pram, huffed and push my pram to squeeze past. I nearly took their head off.... but my angel was asleep so I whisper-shouted at them instead