To hand in my notice without having a new job

[BuzzDamed]

I expect IABU but I feel so at the end of my tether that I need to vent/get an outside perspective.

Basically I moved to my bfs home country 18 months ago, started a job here shortly after I arrived and that's what I've been doing ever since.

The problem is that I really hate the job! The business language is English but socially everyone speaks the local language so I feel really isolated as I'm not able to get involved in the day to day office chat. Lunch times are ok cause there are a couple of people who'll hang out with me and chat in English but if they're not around it's really lonely. I'm not a super sociable person but I really, really miss the little conversations I'd have throughout the day back in the UK.

The work that I do is quite boring which I can live with but what I hate is that there are no systems or processes to anything. Ask three different people which form to use or how to file this document and you'll get three different answers. It's so frustrating. I'm trying my best but I'm not used to dealing with this kind of stuff so I feel like I'm performing really badly (especially lately since everything has been getting me down more).

I've tried speaking to my boss about doing different work and it's a no-go. I've tried applying for other jobs and not got anywhere yet (I was lucky to get the visa for this job - they're pretty hard to get and tied to a specific company).

WIBU to tell my bf that I can't take it anymore and I'm handing in my notice (we've spoken about it before and he thinks I shouldn't quit until I have something else to move to). My notice period is quite long so I'd hopefully find a different job although tbh I feel like wherever I work would have the same problems as where I am now plus the kinds of jobs I can do are quite limited.

Would I be really stupid to give up a well paying job (for local standards) with no guarantee that I could find anything else. I would speak to my bf about this but he's away for work and in a very different time zone so we haven't spoken properly for what feels like ages. Plus I think he's getting a bit tired of the fact that I'm finding it hard to adjust. Last time I brought it up we had a huge row and I've tried to keep it to myself since then.

Sorry this was so long and rambling.

It sounds like you're very isolated: are you sure you're really better off living there than going "home", especially if your OH it's frequently away on business?

If you didn't find a job straight away, would you be financially dependent on your BF? Because relying on on him financially in a foreign country, when your relationship sounds a bit wobbly anyway isn't a great plan. Wouldn't you be even more isolated if you weren't working?

Can you focus on improving non work time while you're looking for a new job? Or learning the local language? Jacking it in sounds a bit premature. You might have some of the same problems in a new job.

Is your move long-term? I think if you're living in a new country you're going to need to make the effort to learn the local language so you don't feel so isolated. Can you take any lessons in your spare time? Relying on the English-speaking colleagues to chat to is a bit dangerous.

Sounds to me like your problems wouldn't be solved by getting a new job so it's probably not a very sensible solution.

If you didn't find a job would you be able to stay in the country?

Enrol on a language course and you are bound to meet people in a similar situation to you and get some conversation practice. Do you have any interests you could pursue outside work? That will widen your social circle and get you chatting to people. If you jack the job in you'll isolate yourself and potentially put your immigration status in jeopardy.

I don't think the job is your problem but your living situation. You're there for your bf but he's working away? Are you there long term? If so learn the language. If not then how long for and what are you gaining from it?

How are you going to provide for yourself financially until you get a new job? Is there a reason your BF should be obliged to keep you?

Harsh perhaps, but valid.

Sounds like you have wider issues anyway with the whole relationship and setup. It's not just the job that's making you unhappy and being dependent on your BF may well make things worse, especially if he is not prepared to discuss major issues in a caring, adult manner.

The language thing is complicated by their being three main local languages plus one other and then English for business. It's very split along race lines. I learnt a bit of two of the languages when I got here but thought English would be fine. Which for work it is, just not for any kind of social life. I guess I need to make more of an effort to learn some of the third one (which is cantonese so super difficult but that's what everyone where I work speaks - although not what my partner speaks).

I don't get anything out of living here except my relationship. Tbf to my partner he's been going through a very stressful time with work and family life so I can understand him not wanting the stress of me being unhappy as well.

Thanks for the perspective. I think you're right that quitting wouldn't be the best plan.