To expect dh to help dress kids on a school day & help with them in other ways

[Radley]

I started work last week and every morning I had to get myself and dd1 and dd2 ready, whilst dh either stayed in bed, or sat on the sofa.

His excuse is he 'doesn't know how to do it properly'

I've lycleared the kids and said that he can do it next time, once again he said 'I don't know how to do it' and got arsey when I said I'll watch and let you know.

He says 'he can't' do things with dd1 (5) and dd2(8) and it's really getting on my nerves

Not at all unreasonable. not alone, but not unreasonable

all men are gits.
for your own life to be eaiser, i suggest you train the kids to get dressed themselves. they are well passed the age where they should need any help with this

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think you might have to start him off slowly, and with explicit instructions, just to get him in the swing of it gradually. Or you could just drop him in at the deep end, with an 'early meeting' that you have to go to.

Maybe make a timetable for the mornings with things that need to be done, and then allocate some of them to him, some to you, and some to the DDs - then he has both the overall picture, and knows which bits are his responsibility?

not unreasonable, no.

possibly he really is suffering from a crisi of confidence though so it could be that you're being a tad more confrontational than is helpful. It's a bit crap of him, but why don't you humour him and teach him how to get the kids dressed, get him to sort the washing out so he'll know where things go etc?

They do dress themselves, but it's the stuff like straightening collars, tucking shirts in, hair etc that he says he 'can't do'

He has been in bed all day as he was on nights last night and has shouted down for me to make him some chips

i've got one of those too. sometimes think it would be easier on my own )

...but I think I'd be inclined to go with the arly meeting or docs appointment route. If you wanted to be kind you could arrange a really early docs appt for one of your children so he'd have to dress feed and wash the other one.

no you're not being unreasonable. Your dh is seeing just how lazy he can be and still get away with it. If he can't straighten collars and brush hair, then how does he wipe his own bum fgs.

Don't allow it. Make him do it.

sounds like he's had it easy for too long. 8 yrs without contributing. geez.

I think a little more, cant do what, explain to me what it is you CANT do....

Sounds very familar not unreasonable at all
we have a compromise of sorts when he is not working I get them ready and sometimes he makes the lunches but he then takes them to school which suits me fine --makes up for all the days that he is not here.

the chips bit with mine it a bottle of water or a brew (after a nightshift) makes you wonder why they have legs doesnt it lol

yeh sounds like hes a lazy sod like so many men (my h included) and he should do more. However maybe they don't need hair brushed or collars staightened - my boy will not let me brush his hair so it doesn't get brushed until washed. He also wears clothes wrong way round and inside out (when he dresses himself I don't like to be critical). Whilst it is much better they look tidy, i do notice a lot of kids and mums looking a bit of a mess in the mornings - some mums still in pjs. Try - being less critical of standards when your not doing it and let them sort it out, i agree break him in with one child and tell him how much child liked spending this time with dad.
Is hard though - my h and dad always fail to get them to school on time (this really irritates me) or end up taking a taxi!!! I realise that by failing a task they can make a protest about doing something and get out of doing it again - be wise to this. Good luck its really, really hard working and doing kids & housework, give yourself a few pats on the back.

No!

some mums still in pjs

Oh sigh, why are they so crap? I agree, you have to give them so explicit clearly delineated morning tasks, eg making child breakfast or pack lunch or anything else which might make your life easier?

if he can dress himself hes full of shit - tell him to get of his arse and stop being a lazy shit.

My dh works shifts and when he is on a rest day or working lates he takes dd's to school, if he has finished work before about 11.30pm the night before he will get up early and get them ready, but if he has finished really late (between 11.30pm and 2am) I get dd's ready and wake him at about 7.45am (I leave at 8am).

I think it's not unreasonable to expect him to get them ready unless he has worked really late the night before.