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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lying bastard fuck face cunt

29 replies

aibu1234 · 01/06/2017 09:48

Posting on behalf of a friend...
Backstory as i know this is an influence on my friend ...So My friend A was in a happy relationship for 11 years, married and ended up having to have ivf as her husband couldnt have children. When the baby was 5 months old he left her completely out of the blue (later discovered another woman who has since left him Grin )

He has a job where he claims he earns £11,000, we know this is not possible due to what he spends, holidays, gadgets and his own debt he is paying off so subsequently he is paying pittance for his child whilst telling A it is ok as she can afford it.

He doesnt give christmas presents or buy any items for the baby but A still agrees contact on a set day and tries to be agreeable with contact as she wants baby to have a relationship with dad (at one point another day was set in stone too but he just stopped asking for that day)

A works full time in a very demanding job so time with baby is precious (she never wanted relationship to end) she earns a good wage however she wanted to be able to take a step back at some point to be with her child more but now this isnt possible due to having to pay mortgage payments on her own and unless she downsizes (which she is reluctant to do) its not an option.

His job is flexible (basically a jolly) and there is more business on a weekend for what he does but he recently asked for every sunday (so he can take baby to visit people rather than spend time with her forming a bond) which takes my friends time away from her baby as she is only free on weekends, she told him this and he keeps threatening court saying he will get 50/50. He is moving from a rented house to with a friend in the city center near his work and 30 mins away from babys home (is it likey he will get 50/50 with this set up)

She asked him to help more with payments but he has accused her of selling her baby!!!! Thats rich coming from someone who pays more for their daily costa coffee than their baby! she has never stopped him seeing the baby but with everything that has gone on she is struggling to understand how he is being such an awful person, my friend had a baby with him thinking it was for life and they would support and bring up the baby together, how is it fair that he is not supporting her properly.
I think if he was helping to support the baby by buying clothes, christmas presents it would show an olive branch which would then make it easier on my friend as it would seem they are working together. it seems he wants the easy life, living it up, paying pittance and expecting her to cover everything. He told her he could have made her go back to work instead of having her maternity leave but he paid her a bit more then (how generous)

Firstly how is he getting away with saying he earns £11,000 (she knows he used to earn more as paid his tax bill on £19,000 last year)

How likely is 50/50 in this case as she is considering letting him take her to court?
how will he afford court?

OP posts:
IAmNotAWitch · 02/06/2017 02:23

She needs to toughen up, get a lawyer, contact the CMS and go to court to get it all set in stone.

Then she needs to comply, to the letter with the court order and keep a written record when he does not.

No more talking to him about anything that isn't directly related to the baby's care on handover and that needs to be either in writing or followed up with a 'recapping' email/text.

Any other communication needs to go through her lawyer.

He isn't her friend, he never was and if she doesn't toughen up he will continue to push her around.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/06/2017 08:19

Hold on they were married?

It's not just about the CMS what about the division of assets in the divorce? The Court Still deals with that. Spousal maintenance?

My twat of an abusive ex thought he was home and dry on the derisory amount he fiddled with the CMS. I was on the point of losing our home as I couldn't pay the mortgage by myself.

The judge came along and ripped a strip off him for letting arrears mount up. The judge said it was his responsibility too to keep a roof over his children's heads.

We provided financial breakdowns which even though he fiddled to show he didn't have much showed I have even less yet contributed more. So I walked away with interim payments of 3 times as much.Grin

Go after him in the divorce. They have much more discretion.

IdaDown · 02/06/2017 08:42

Call the bluff on 50:50 - why...

  • your friend could manage her workload, recuperation time and childcare, knowing that the 50% she has with her DD would be less stressful. All the nice bits,less day to day drudge and tiredness.

  • your friend could use her child free time for herself - important to build up friends, interests etc... not necessarily dating, but...

  • when DD in school, your friend will only have to find care for 50% of holidays and after school care.

  • DD gets time to spend with her dF and if not, builds a bond with the grandparents (not necessarily a bad thing - they might want to be involved).

  • ok, you don't get CM but you don't get any of the associated sh1t threats of non payment.

Your friend needs to get professional advice.

Allthebestnamesareused · 02/06/2017 18:48

Threat of 50/50 is so he won't have to pay any maintenance at all!

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