To judge parents who dose their kids up on children's paracetamol and send them to school with a temperature?

[SwissSarah]

Just that really. I have the luxury of being a SAHP and not having the dilemma of whether to send a slightly unwell child into school. Several of my friends send their kids in with temperatures. Is this quite normal? Or do you think it is entirely unfair on the child and the rest of the class?

Is it unreasonable even with big work commitments to send a child in if it's just a temperature that's managed by paracetamol? Or am I a big softy and keep my child off unnecessarily? Thanks.

Kids don't learn resilience from feeling miserable and unwell at school.

Exactly and as an ex teacher I know we don't need ill children in the class, it's not fair on anyone.

*Don't be a cosseted SAHM with no idea how hard it is to be a working parent"

Or don't be so presumptuous. You don't know enough about the OP to make sweeping statements like that. And "cosseted"? What the hell does that mean?

I think there's a wider sort of problem here in that when most standard sick leave and annual leave policies were calculated most families had a SAHP (obvs almost always a SAHM), or extended families lived in close enough proximity for grandparents or other family to fill in the gaps when children were ill. As a country we have moved on and most households have two working parents -and our whole tax system is (quite rightly) geared up to encourage this- but many companies haven't adjusted their family leave policies or cultural expectations towards parents who need to take time off for kids. Or the expectation within families is all too frequently that the mother should be the one who takes time off which is a whole other problem.

Of course you can't keep children off with every cough or cold, but it's really sad that very poorly children are sometimes sent in because their parents can't afford (figuratively or literally) to take a day off to care for them. I think there needs to be more joined up thinking for this. It's only going to get worse when the baby boomers become very elderly and grown up children may have care responsibilities for their parents too.

Actually the bigger issue is some roles just being able to be flexible. If you are in a retail job working on a shop floor it's very disruptive to walk out to deal with a sick child. As an assistant controller I can quite easily walk out for 3 weeks of any month. The 4th week, when closing the books, requires a bit more coordination but I'm able to leave and log in from home once sick child is taken care of.

I do the same as my dm did
" ginchild, are you dying ? "
"No ! "
" well off to school you go"
If they are genuinely sick they are home in bed with no electronic devices and resting/doing homework if they improve. My dc's have never pretended to be sick as they know it's boring
I think I am preparing them for the real world.
Oh and only give medicine if it's really needed.

I teach in reception and there's a world of difference between a mild fever accompanying a sniffle and a full-blown raging temperature. DS2 is at my school and has only been off once so far in his two years there with two days of tonsillitis so bad he couldn't get out of bed never mind get up for school. Every other day he's there.

Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don't, though, because if they dose them up and send them in, people judge, and if they keep them home for everything they'll also be judged. I have a marvellous MIL who'll always cover for me when a DC is unwell so that I don't need to take time off. Without her I'd be scuppered as DS1 has regular appointments with Neurology. If people don't have family to cover I'm not surprised they dose them up and send them in; not many workplaces accommodate parents needing time off with unwell DCs.

I'm in the US and sending a sick child to school is not acceptable in our district. If your child is sick and you need to work they will help you out and the nurse looks after the child in sick bay all day. If you have the money they will give you the number for the local emergency childcare service. It's $20 an hour which isn't bad. Here in NJ you don't pay sales tax on childcare services you purchase. During Jan through March it's a popular way for a SAHM with school children to make some money to help pay off christmas.

YANBU.
No way I would send DS to school with a temp. That's just mean! I don't care about attendance- as in I care but if he's poorly, he's poorly. He is 4 years old!
I do work and time off means messing lots of people about so I wouldn't keep him off unnecessarily.

Our school district has 47% on FSMs so quite a bit of poverty and welfare here requires that you work a minimum number of hours. For a single parent to take time off would probably result in them losing their job which is why the school district step in and take the sick child. Just don't be underhand about it.

Gunpowder I completely agree. I think the culture of presenteeism in this country is awful. Would far rather adults and children alike stayed home and recovered properly when they were feeling ill to stop the spread of illnesses. I'm very lucky in that I can WFH when necessary (including when I'm feeling ill but not needing to stay in bed all day). Just wish employers would be more flexible about it all round as I don't think it does anyone any good to struggle through.

Yeah I just love it when my kid ends up at A&E because he can't breathe because other kids have been sitting there coughing all over him. But eh, what do I know I'm a lucky SAHM.

I don't keep mine off if they have temperature but are otherwise well. The same way I don't keep them off with a cough or cold or tummy ache with no temp.

I have three criteria for keeping Ds off school. Vomiting, Diarrhhoea and any temperature of 38oC and above.

Of those, the temperature one is the one I have stick to most most rigidly over the years. This is because I know my son often vomits once in the morning when he has a cold, this is due to him swallowing too much catarrah at night while lying down. I recognise this and know he does not need to stay off school for this

He also had a case of toddler's diarrhoea when he was about 18 months old which lasted about 2 years so when I finally managed to convince his childminder (with a note from the doctor after tests were run) that what he had was not in any way contagious he was sent to childcare regardless of any one-off incidents of diarrhoea in any given day.

A high temperature however was always a sign that ds is really not well as he has never been prone to getting a raised temperature if he just has a cold so I would never send him in with a fever.

I use these criteria because I am not always 100% correct in my assessment of when DS is ill or not. Sometimes he seems fine but will vomit in school or sometimes seems ill but within couple of hours of him being kept home it obvious he was not too ill really and could have gone to school/childcare(depending on his age).

Because of this, he always goes in (sometimes with a dose of calpol if he says he feels ill) unless he had a fever, has vomitted (and it didn't fit the morning with a cold criteria) or (after the age of 4 years old) if he had diarrheoa

MASSIVE difference between D&V or being properly ill and having a bit of a temperature or sniffle, but as usual the extremes come into play to try and prove a point.

Work in education. Sometimes a temperature can be an indicator of something brewing. When children get sick, more often than not, some staff will get sick too. Costs them dearly. We have parents that do this, the medicine wears off, the temperature rockets, parents don't collect. Send them in, by all means, but when we phone, we're pretty sure they need to be home, resilient or not.

My son has always been in day care before school due to DH working away and me working FT. He has always gone to school with slight temp/coughs or colds and to be honest the only time he has been off was with S+D, Chicken Pox and Chest Infection. He is now nearly 9. Attendance is excellent in comparison to a few friends children who have always been kept off when they have so much as sniffles or snotty nose. Like somone said above what happens when they go into secondary school or work ? Exams dont get postponed for feeling slightly unwell

Well I'm not a SAHM but if mine need calpol to control pain or a fever then they don't go to school. I send them to school to learn and they can't do that if they feel like shit or are hurting. I don't give a damn what the school thinks.

Yanbu. If they need paracetamol they aren't well enough to go to school imo. We don't give paracetamol for every cough/sniffle/feeling a bit 'off' though.

I think it really depends, in some cases I think it is fine to give calpol and send them to school, it depends on how unwell they are.

I am working fulltime and I would not send my child in with a temperature. I would not go into work if I had a fever and would not expect my collegues to do so either.

Blah at a 5 year old learning recilience. They won't learn anything if too unwell and are only there for the school to reach their attendance targets or inconvenient for parents to keep them home.

I really wish parents would keep sick children at home to stop them spreading the germs

Yes YABU.

My DD has suffered from constant ear infections for over a year now (bad ones that have required hospital consultant intervention and cleaning/syringing every fortnight - google bilateral otitis externa).

If I didn't 'dose her up' with Calpol and send her in she wouldn't have even been able to sit her SATs recently! The same applies for when she gets a chest infection (asthmatic). She'd never be in school if I kept her off every time.

YNBU to expect them not to send them in with things like D&V though.