To be really effed off that the baby is on Facebook?

[Mummagrizzlebear]

Bare with me on this because I will have to tell the back story in order for it to make sense.

When I was pregnant with my first DC, my Aunt had very opinionated ideas about what my DH and I should be doing - for example she thought it disgusting that we found out the sex of the baby, she didn't want us to tell her DD (my cousin) as it would ruin it for her so therefore tried to ban us from announcing on Facebook to friends what we were expecting, she wanted to be the first to visit me in the hospital after I had given birth (I was out within 12 hours of giving birth so couldn't anyway). Then to top it all off when she found out she couldn't come to the hospital she requested that she be at our house when we arrived home. I got home from hospital to find my Aunt, her DD and her DD's best friend in my house all waiting to hold our newborn. I was absolutely knackered and just wanted to be on my own with my DH and new baby. So I have a lot of resentment about that.

Fast forward 5 years and her DD got pregnant. Everything was different for her - she was "allowed" to find out the sex and announce it, her DD was the one to dictate who she had to visit her in hospital and in what order etc. Her DD has been home from hospital for 5 days and we haven't been asked to visit the baby. When questioned when we can visit, we were told that her DD was not up to visitors - fair enough, I understand despite being narked that they were al waiting at my house when I arrived home.

Today I see on Facebook that a friend (not a close friend I might add) of my cousin has seen the new baby and has posted pictures all over Facebook of my cousin posing with the baby. So I've seen the baby for the first time on a Facebook post.

AIBU to be really fucking upset that they treated me so badly throughout my preganancy by dictating to me when they would see my baby etc but now the table has turned she's allowed non close family members to meet the baby (despite telling us she was not up to visitors) and post pics on Facebook before me or my family have even set eyes on him?!

YABU, but only in the sense that you took so much crap off them when you were pregnant!
To put it bluntly, it was none of their business whether you found out the sex, or whether you were to announce the sex on Facebook.
I personally never found out the sex of mine as we didn't want to know, but would have just eye rolled at anyone telling me I should be finding it out!
As for the cousin "not wanting to see the sex of baby on FB" well there's a simple solution to that - she doesn't have to bloody read it! Nothing to do with her at all.
Should have minded her own beeswax.

Honest answer - yes, YABU. Get over it. It is not important really is it. Also don't follow stupid suggestions such as dropping it lightheartedly in to conversation when you do visit, just enjoy visiting the baby, encourage and support your cousin and get over it.

Cut out the middlewoman/aunt. Send a nice card to your cousin and say that you are delighted that she has had her baby, hope she is well and you would love to pop over meet the little one when she is good and ready - just give you the nod.

Your cousin probably knows what her mother is like and has found a way to stand up to it which is good - wouldn't it have been awful if her own mother had done to her what she did to you? Take some tips from her for future use .

You just have to accept that your cousin has had the visitors she wants to have round already and that when she is ready to see you she will let you know.

Please don't be as demanding as your silly aunt was!

If I had turned up home with my baby and had unwanted visitors they'd have been turned away. Who let them in?

YABU about facebook, DH and DS were the only people that had met DD before her photo was up on facebook, although the photo was text to our parents first, I have a huge family and wasn't up to that many visitors. DS probably would have been the same had fb been a thing then. Most people didn't meet either of my DC til they were about a week, apart from grandparents because I just didn't want visitors, it was nothing personal but anyone that involved a) me brushing my hair and b) putting actual clothes on could fuck right off.

YANBU to be annoyed at your aunt though.

I think when you and the whole family are there, you need to tell your cousin (within earshot of your aunt) how you would have loved to have had some baby bonding time alone too. And that she made a good decision not to let family abush her so soon after the birth. Make it clear that if you ever had another baby nobody's going to be allowed at yours for a month. Bullshit needs calling out.