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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Banned from parents night

35 replies

mumontherun14 · 29/05/2017 18:30

Is this me overreacting or my DH being a dick? Tonight is my sons sports teams parents night. He plays for a professional team. It's one of the few nights in the year they get some feedback from their coaches and then get asked to sign on for another year. I thought we could have gone along as a family and then had dinner afterwards as a small celebration for DS.

My DH has come home from work said that it's only the dads & sons that go and it's too much all of us going. My son then chipped in and agreed but earlier he was asking us if we were coming so I think he has been swayed now by DH who pretty much put his foot down and said we weren't to come. My DH takes DS 3 times a week to training but I do go to most of the games and have taken DS to training when DH working. It is their thing that they do together but I see plenty of families going together to these things and now I feel a bit excluded for something that is really important to my DS.

My DD not bothered she is already in her pj's.

I've just called DH an arrogant controlling prick in a text -AIBU?

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 29/05/2017 18:33

I can understand why you're hurt you're not going but maybe your dh feels it's something he and your son do together. A boy together type thing.

Blaaaaaaaah · 29/05/2017 18:35

You're bang out of order calling him names like that for a start.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 29/05/2017 18:36

You've even said it yourself it's their thing

Sending that text and calling him a prick YABU.

caffeinestream · 29/05/2017 18:38

Wow, overreaction much? Hmm

You said yourself it's their thing, so what's the problem if they just go along together?

Dishwashersaurous · 29/05/2017 18:40

Seems weird for a whole family to go. Parents maybe, but siblings odd.

And you calling him names is clearly inappropriate. Maybe he's concerned you won't be able to control yourself if there is any negative feedback

user1495025590 · 29/05/2017 18:41

My son then chipped in and agreed but earlier he was asking us if we were coming
Yeah but asking if you were coming is not the same as wanting you to come

Original poster
mumontherun14 · 29/05/2017 18:44

I think my anger has been building with him today and this has tipped me over the edge. He had lost his bank card and kept using mine and forgetting to give me it back so a few weeks ago I called up got him a new one and a PIN number and then this weekend when we were away he took mine again leaving me with no money, petrol or bank card this morning as he had gone to work with both cards. It was his mum's birthday today (we had been away with them at the weekend) so I had to faff about transferring money, taking kids to activities then got her cards and gifts and took them down to her and was then getting grief to get back quickly with the car so they could get to the football....

OP posts:
Original poster
mumontherun14 · 29/05/2017 18:47

Ps I know I ABU myself... just feeling a bit stressed today . He has called there and we have made up and are getting a takeaway...been married 15 years ....we both push each other's buttons at times...

OP posts:
frigginell · 29/05/2017 18:53

He was being controlling 'putting his foot down' and deciding that you weren't allowed to go to your own child's event, though. Why on earth did he think that he could dictate where an adult woman could and could not go?

I'm surprised at these answers.

Msqueen33 · 29/05/2017 18:55

I think we all have awful days. Being married can require a lot of compromise. Glad you've made up. I'd get him to sort his own mother out next time.

DameDeDoubtance · 29/05/2017 19:03

Why are you sorting out his mums birthday?

gillybeanz · 29/05/2017 19:07

YANBU

It is a special night, not just a normal night.

When my dd danced it was a me and her thing, dh never available for classes and it was mostly mums who took their daughters.
He was always there for a show and I would never have tried to stop him, even though he had absolutely nothing to do with any other aspect of it.

NotHotDogMum · 29/05/2017 19:07

I think you've overreacted, it obviously isn't necessary for both parents to attend. You said it's 'their thing' so why not let them get on with it. It feels like you're making this about you, instead of about your DS and his sport.

NotHotDogMum · 29/05/2017 19:09

@gillybeanz OP said she goes to the games, this is a parents evening and chance to sign up for next year, it's not a game or prize giving.

AmateurSwami · 29/05/2017 19:10

Just to go against the grain, I actually think he was in the wrong. It's not up to him if you go ffs.

user1489675144 · 29/05/2017 19:10

You said it is 'their thing' and yet you called your partner a 'prick' for wanting to go to do their 'thing'

YABVU

TroubleinDaFamily · 29/05/2017 19:11

I stood on the sidelines of a rugby ptich with my DS for years, it was our thing. I never excluded my DH around presentation evening. Your DH sounds like a dick.

Mummyme1987 · 29/05/2017 19:13

You shouldn't have to ask his permission to go. Who does he think he is your boss? He deserved that text?

NoLoveofMine · 29/05/2017 19:14

He was being controlling 'putting his foot down' and deciding that you weren't allowed to go to your own child's event, though. Why on earth did he think that he could dictate where an adult woman could and could not go?

Quite. It's a parents' night, it's unsurprising the OP, as one of the parents, would want to go. As for "only the dads and sons" go, what tripe, trying to make sport seem to be the preserve of boys and men which women have to be excluded from.

FrenchMartiniTime · 29/05/2017 19:16

You don't get the answers you want so out comes the drip feed making him look like a twat.

You were out of order texting him that, are you always so aggressive when you don't get your way?

Just let them do their thing.

minisoksmakehardwork · 29/05/2017 19:25

I know you've made up, but I'll be honest, if it's dh and ds' thing, then dh needs to make arrangements other than you to get him there when he can't. It's not fair for you to participate only when it's convenient. Ds1 plays football and the other 3 dc all do gymnastics. We work it between us as to who and how we get them there. Sometimes we divide and conquer when there is a clash. Sometimes one sport has to take a back seat to the other. Sometimes it's a family outing. It's just our way of showing we do support the participant. I don't see how you attending would have been any less.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 29/05/2017 19:26

It was a parents night - not Dad & Son night!

He IS being controlling - just because it's 'their thing' does not mean you should have no involvement in your sons sporting career other than as a chauffeur.

Your husband is pushing you out of what is/will be a huge part of your ds life.
Perhaps he wants all the reflected glory to shine on him - so to the outside world it looks like DS success was all down to him?

This was your chance to talk to his coaches, get a better understanding of what this means for your ds - and you as a family.
Unless you speak to the coaches yourself you only have your dh heavily edited and biased report to go by.
Plus he gets to further push you out.

In future - don't do small things like ordering his pin or lending him your card etc. He obviously doesn't consider the impact on you/your feelings and finds it easy to treat you with disrespect.

Reduce the giving until you start to get something back.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/05/2017 19:28

Exactly minis next time DH can't take the boy OP should tell DH it's their 'thing' and she cba taking her son. But obviously she won't as she sounds nice and that wouldn't be nice for DS

I do think DH was out of order.

witsender · 29/05/2017 19:59

Why is it up to him? How ridiculous.

mrsmuddlepies · 29/05/2017 20:06

So pleased you have made up. Don't spoil your son's night by arguing.
Really shocked by posters who support you calling him an arrogant, controlling prick. There have been a number of threads recently where posters have said that using cunt as an abusive term is unforgivable. The same surely applies to using 'prick as a term of abuse.
Not getting at you OP, it's the double standards adopted by some posters on MN that many of us object to.

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