To be annoyed at other half?

[Belle1616]

Ok some mumsnet perspective required. Sorry I havent done any diagrams.

Am expecting our first child, OH has told me that when baby is just under 3 months he is going abroad for 3 weeks, it was supposed to be 2 but has now been extended. His family is based here but from another country and they have houses etc there and he is going to sort some stuff for his mum but will be a bit of a holiday too.

I haven't said don't go but I said 3 weeks is too long. 2 weeks should be long enough.

Nearest family is 2.5 hours away and whilst my mum will help if I stay she is mid 70s and not as active as she used to be.

He seems to think it should be be an issue and I'll be fine on my own.

I think he's being a bit selfish. Aibu?

Is part of this a cultural obligation and it's usual for Women to see to the babies? If so, you need to have a sit down conversation about the future, but you might not change him.

I would have managed fine, but my GC had bowel issues and had to stay upright, so we all had to pitch in to give my DD a break.

I doubt what we've got to say is going to change his mind.

But you are right to feel aggrieved.

Personally, i would organised a nice long visit with your Mum, she'll be made up to see the baby and chance is that all she'll have to do is sit and hold him/her, or shake things at him/her.

scipio - what you said.

MN never fails to amazes me with its stance. If the dp and spent three weeks at home doing nothing to help with a newborn, the screams of LTB would be defending. But the DP not be there at all for three weeks leaving OP with no one, and it's 'you'll be fine, what's the problem?'
Could he cut the holiday down? I know what you said about your mum being old, but at least if she stayed she could help by being able to make sandwiches here and there, cups of tea and just be in the house if something happened?

My baby had colic / silent reflux. I couldn't put her down for a shower without the screaming being unbearable. On days where I was on my own, preparing food for myself was tricky and I skipped meals which was not ideal as I was ebf, anything to do with my personal care was really hard. No family and a dp who was a away one night a week. DD never slept more than 1.5 at a time and between I found it hard to sleep. I was so tired at one point that my vision was too blurry to take the baby upstairs / downstairs safely and I nearly crashed the car with DD in the back.

Thank god there was no c section stickes or PND to consider. Sure you will have a better experience OP, perhaps see if you can get some help lined up during the times he's away in case you need anything, and set up some home delivery for anything you need, so there is no pressure to go anywhere if it's difficult- was a life saver for me. I could not have gone 3 weeks without adult company or any support in the first three months.

I'm amazed at some posters who seem to think being on your own with your baby will give you mental health issues, be awful etc.

Having said that your partner should be taking account of your opinion. Why not wait till child is old enough to travel?

Tell him to pay for a maternity nurse for the 3 weeks he is away - that will give you both 3 weeks off night feeds....