To not want my Mum to do all my laundry

[Zestisbest]

This sounds ridiculous. I can't decide if I'm really lucky to have someone who will do all my washing and ironing for me (and DH and the DCs) or whether I need to take back control. Just to be clear I have never asked her to do it. I have asked her to stop. She won't. I am very grateful to have so much help but it always makes me feel completely shit and inadequate. WWYD?

You can't make your Mum unhappy if you tell her to stop trying to control your laundry or your life.
Your mum refuses to change but YOU can change and by doing so, she will have to change if she still wants to be a part of your lives.
She needs you more than you need her and that shows by her insisting on controlling your laundry.
Please stop hoping she will voluntarily cooperate with your wishes. She won't! Take control yourself but be kind.

Oh OP I really feel for you, it puts you in such an awkward situation but you really do need to tell her to stop.

I was a very messy teenager and my mum would always joke about how once I moved out she would never visit incase she got lost in the mess! Low and behold once DH and I moved in together I became incredibly houseproud and shocked her. But she still comes round a lot and helps out (at the moment we are doing a lot of DIY and gardening) but she helps out without ever criticising or slagging off DH and I.

She says she enjoys helping us out, and I am so grateful for it because she understands boundaries. She even helped me tidy DSD's room yesterday (as we have guests staying over tonight using her room) and I said she really didn't have to help but her response was "I remember exactly what it was like having young children and it was relentless, you're not failing just because it isn't perfect all the time".

What I'm trying to say is that if your mum actually really wants to help, she needs to adjust her attitude. She seems to enjoy doing it just to make you out to be incapable of doing it yourself and that isn't fair!

Lol Scouse. I'm just a bit of a coward really but I know I need to sort it - not right to feel on edge in your own home. Thanks for advice everyone, really appreciate it. I'll get my big girl pants on (once I've washed them of course )

And yes, it is all about boundaries and respecting my wishes. I have asked for very specific help in the past and she won't do it. I have asked her to come over just once a week and she said she could do what she wanted if I ask her to come and visit just for a cup of tea she will start cleaning the kitchen. I don't want to cause a massive row but I can't imagine doing this to my kids. But when I try and talk to people about it inRL they just tell me how lucky I am to have such a great mum! And she is great but it's so frustrating - gah! Anyway. Will try to be firmer. Thank you

Is your house very dirty? I know my mum has cleaned my brothers house but it really has been in a bad way, though I don't think he saw it like that.

Ywnbu to tell her to stop, it's your house, your space.

I must admit I'd love it if my mum came and did my washing and cleaning.

I don't think it's that bad but my Mum is always so horrified that I feel ashamed