to write a 'TO DO' list for DH

[Radley]

I have recently started work and finding it hard to get into a routine etc, it's made harder by dh working unusual shifts.

He did help last week but it seemed he could go no further than sorting washing into piles of what belongs to who, emptying the dishwasher and hanging washing out.

Would it be unreasonable to do a list of the things I would like doing this week whilst I am at work and suggest he chooses a couple of things to do each day? if not I know for a fact he will be sat watching horseracing or poker or whatever other crap he watches

I LOVE lists...can't see a problem myself if it's done nicely!

I would do but don't treat him like a child over it, ask him what things he doesn't mind doing and see if you can compromise - also do yourself a list so he doesn't feel he's doing the lions share then put both lists up. I think thats fair.

Its a great idea but it's howyou sell it that gonna land you in the dog house or on the lovely lady list.

Would he be ok with a chat? Along the lines of there's so much to do, you don't see it, i've written some stuff down in case you want to attack it? (obviously flowered up in a pill the lads can take)?

I think you're doing well if he's doing that much!

By all means do a 'to do' list, but I'd included both of your jobs. I always make sure mine far outweighs his and plump it out with 'open the curtains' or 'plump up pillows' knowing he won't register my tasks only those with his initial by them.

Failing that, pull the plug out of the back of the telly, and put 'call engineer' on your to do list.

Never thought of doing a list for myself, but will do.

Last week when I was working I came home, and tidied ALL the work surfaces which he'd not done then did the packed lunches for the next day and uniforms.

One thing that annoys me though is, as well as getting myself ready for work, I also have to get dd1 & dd2 ready whilst he sits on the sofa.

and don't forget to praise, praise, praise and say thank you heaps. Especially when he says "I've put the washing on for you" or some such nonsense.

'Fraid its proven you have to teach DPs like small children when it comes to chores. Keep up the praise (or is that dog training?)

Foxy is so right...it's all in the training. My dh was pretty good to start, but it's taken a few years to get it right. Housetraining most men is a job in itself. Perhaps I should write a book....

How about 'this is MY to do list - I would really appreciate it if you could do a couple of things from it - pick whichever you'd like'. It might work.

I know everyone will sigh if I start mentioning flylady, but I found that doing her system meant that there was a routine to get into and certain jobs to do on certain days

after you get used to it you can add the things you want to do each day/ week and you write them down in a file

it sounds anal in the extreme but it made it a lot easier to divide jobs up between me and dh; just deciding when they were going to be done and sticking to the same day/week each time made a big difference and it also meant that it came from a 'third party' so wasn't just me ahving a go

and every time he says i've done x for you, point out it is for the family, which he is an adult member of!

They call them Honey Do Lists over here in the states, marvelous idea