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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel uncomfortable when

47 replies

WinkyWinkola · 16/03/2007 21:42

MIL drapes her legs over DH's when watching TV? Whenever we visit, DH will stretch out his legs over a pouf (sp?) and she will stretch out hers over his. I feel like I'm watching a cat spraying over its territory.. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

OP posts:

mytwopenceworth · 16/03/2007 22:03

i suppose it depends what vibes you get when you see it, iyswim, 2 identical actions can give off totally different vibes. but. it sounds like a very relaxed gesture between 2 people who are comfy with each other.

TheJAM · 16/03/2007 22:10

If people see something sexual in it, that says more about them than the mum being a mum with her son.

HappyDaddy · 16/03/2007 22:13

I find it uncomfortable. You don't. That's it.

concernedaboutmysister · 16/03/2007 22:13

Wouldn't bother me

She often cuddles him & says nice things to him. He's still her little boy even though he's my dh...

TheJAM · 16/03/2007 22:15

ohhhh handbags

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 16/03/2007 22:35

I just find it a bit odd particularly as they barely touch at other times, just a kiss when greeting.

It's funny, isn't it - if you disagree on Mumsnet, you're "weird".

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 17/03/2007 04:11

I agree with other posters who've said it depends on the individuals involved. I think I would feel uncomfortable if it was DP and his Mum.

Last time she was here, DP was having a bath and I was getting 3 week-old DD undressed in our bedroom to have a bath with her Dad. MIL wanted to take DD to bath her with DP . Now, I think that was from more out of a conviction that I was not competent to bath her rather than out of any desire to see her son naked but still...

ghosty · 17/03/2007 04:18

My brothers (41 and 38) still kiss MY DAD when they meet.

IN PUBLIC

ON THE LIPS

What would you think if you saw that??

alipiggie · 17/03/2007 04:42

I live in hope that my two boys when they grow up will still be the wonderful cuddly huggy boys that they are now . I actively encourage them to show their emotions. I can imagine why people are uncomfortable with that though. I used to sit on my dad's lap when I was younger - I'm sure that would be frowned on these days too. He ho.

twentypence · 17/03/2007 05:13

My MIL does this to my dh and it's never occurred to me that it may be warped. He's her son.

Original poster

WinkyWinkola · 17/03/2007 09:41

Affection to me means e.g. hugs, a kiss, linking arms when walking etc. It's just the legs thing that made me feel a bit odd although perhaps not warped. To me it seemed like a higher degree of intimacy than appropriate.

My MIL is ok. A pain in the ass sometimes but not a bad person. She doesn't kill animals for fun or anything . She is very competitive though and needs to feel that she is No 1 granny, mother and knows everything about everyone. Perhaps that's why I cringed a bit when I saw her drape her legs over his.

OP posts:

SidtheKidsMum · 18/03/2007 10:16

Ghosty - that's really lovely.

WinkyWinkola, I think your MIL is showing you who she thinks is the boss. I'm sure it's also about loving her son, but draping herself over her DS in your company means that she thinks that she's the daddy.

Ignore it. He's her son but he's your man.

Blu · 18/03/2007 10:19

Mu mum would never do this...but dp's mum would - just different normalities.

In my view DP's family pay no attention to personal space, in his view, mine are formal and starchy.

of course, neither is 100% accurate!

tigermoth · 18/03/2007 10:32

Is your MIL on her own? does she have a partner to cuddle her?

If not, she might be lacking in people to show affection to. (Children are a bit different). She might have spent a near lifetime cuddling her children and partner, and really miss it.

I don't think it's OTT, and certainly not wierd - I hope my sons will still be cuddling me sometimes when they are older.

However in the light of you saying she is a competitive granny, it would take me aback just a bit. I think if you feel odd about it, there is something to feel odd about. Even so, I think it's one of those things you have to live with Perhaps try and feel sorry that your MIL may feel a bit lonely and threatened.

Incidently, do you cuddle your dh in front of her?

pointydog · 18/03/2007 11:15

wanderingstar · 18/03/2007 11:38

Slightly off beam but I sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable when sil is all over her 19yo ds - lots of thigh stroking, bare stomach caressing etc., - ie. she'll put her hand up his top to do this. I've asked myself why I find this "bleughhh" when lots of hugs wouldn't evoke the same response, but I'm not sure. It surely would be odd to do to a younger boy above toddler age, so why OK when he's 19 ?

zippitippitoes · 18/03/2007 11:44

ds still likes me stroking his arm though i ahven't for a while and looking for nits

and he will still get on to the bed between me and dp ad mittedly not to watch tv so much these days

and he kisses me goodbye

and he is 19
i can imagine us fighting over the sofa without much difficulty

Saturn74 · 18/03/2007 11:46

only inappropriate if she really is spraying to mark her territory.

wanderingstar · 18/03/2007 12:01

If as winky says they are often not so tactile, then it does seem odd.

I have 3 ds's and a dd and I don't want the cuddles to stop when they're big, but come on, draping your legs round your adult ds...

zippitippitoes · 18/03/2007 12:03

perhpas she just wants the pouffe

SidtheKidsMum · 18/03/2007 12:55

Spraying!

Backthennnnnn · 11/11/2022 21:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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