Doting grannies.

[Brunhildafair]

I am in my late sixties,retired, no money worries and recently widowed. My youngest daughter is having her first baby at the end of the year. I am delighted ,and of my four children she is the one who lives nearest to me.We recently had a conversation and she brought up the subject of child care. She seemed upset when I said that although I would always be there in an emergency,and be happy to babysit...I was not going to be relied upon for child care on specific days every week. I would also be happy to contribure towards nursery fees. I returned from abroad 10 years ago,with a very sick husband. The last few years have been exhausting,with me providing care 24/7. Sadly my husband died last year,and I am just beginning to get my life back. Some friends are in agreement with my decision and others think I am being selfish. Am I being unreasonable?

very reasonable, much better to be clear from the start. being there as an emergency if her child has a cold and can't go to nursery will be very useful!

YADNBU. In fact, you're being very generous offering to help with nursery fees.

I was asked this by my dil and had to refuse.
I'm not always in the best of health and my dh had taken early retirement so we often would want to go to our caravan mid week.
It was only ever going to cause ishoos

Thankfully everything has turned out well. The little chap is 7 now and mum works in during term time.

We've covered emergencies , nights out etc and when at home almost always have him and his brother for a day out, or for tea.
I hope you get to have a good retirement.
And so sorry for the loss of your husband.

YANBU. We have done all of our own childcare partly due to not living near family but mainly due to "our child our responsibility". My sister on the other hand only went back to work after my recently widowed DF agreed to look after her daughter for a day a week and her MIL for a second day every week!

Of course you are not being unreasonable or selfish. Helping out in an emergency or the odd bit of baby sitting is the perfect solution, and really useful.

No one should have a child with the expectation that grandparents will look after it. I like that we have solid, reliable childcare with nursery and grandparents available for emergencies.

I have one ds who is 28 months and work 4 days per week. he's my parents only grandchild. They offered to have him 3 days a week before he was even born but I didn't ask. In the end I wangled Fridays off work so they have him Mondays and Tuesdays and he's in nursery Wednesdays and Thursdays. They often pick him up from nursery just so they get to see him! They have a fabulous relationship. His other grandparents - well he's seen his grandfather 4 times in his life and his other grandmother (who is very local) once every one or two months. But YADNBU!

you are not being unreasonable at all!

YANBU my mum babysits for nights out or emergencies, but day to day childcare is mine/DH issue to sort out.

Not selfish at all! My selfies. Cousin uses her parents for childcare and she's wearing them into the ground.

Argh selfish