8yo playing out without being watched, smashing stuff up for fun. would you have a problem with this?

[gigglinggoblin]

ds went to his friends house for tea, last time i told friends parents i wasnt sure about him going as he has aspergers and really needs watching, friend is allowed to play out on his own and i am not happy for ds to do that as he has no road sense.

anyway last time was fine, this time i didnt mention not being out alone as i assumed they would remember and he spent the evening on the back alley which leads onto a busy road smashing up old wood with his friend. old wood turned out to be 'an old fence which someone doesnt want'.

my main concern is that if something unexpected happens like falling over ds often just runs off, he does not see cars and may well run straight into the road. i have had to drag him out of the road several times. but i am also unhappy about them smashing stuff up. i dont know the fence was unwanted, ds has just assumed it was because it was on the alley, its not like they checked with the owner!

dh says he doesnt go again. i agree. ds will not, and i suspect friends parents will think i am wierd and overprotective. so would you let your child go again? they are talking about sleeping over next time

I wouldn't let mine go again, its quite young for being out alone without the As being a factor.

I'd be furious if I was you. You've explained to them that he needs exra supervision and I wouldn't expect any 8 yo to be left unsupervised near a road on a visit.

Are you sure he really was left alone? Could someone have been discretely checking up on them without him really realising?

they could have been checking, but i dont think they were watching all the time. i did try to explain about the AS last time and friends mum said not to worry as her ds was boisterous. i dont think she really understood its not the same!

putting it a bit bluntly -is this family a bit thick?
I mean these days most people have heard of aspergers, surely?

hehe, that is very blunt!

tbh i hadnt heard of aspergers til i was told ds had it - however i wouldnt have assumed it was the same as a child who is boisterous, i would have listened to what it was if i didnt know!

yes but they had no excuse because you had told them - which makes them twonks

Would never have let my ds when he was 8 anywhere where he could smash up bits of wood. I always knew where he was AND, if his friends came round, I always knew where they were as well. This was basically in the house or where I could see them in garden, never ever out on a road. Never!

I think probably the best thing to do would be to explain again about your ds and the aspergers again, I have to confess I am completely ignorant about what exactly it is and it sounds like they are.

Its possible that they thought that as last time went so well there wasnt a problem or underestimated it, Im not excusing the lack of supervision. As for the sleepover I would put that off for a while yet

It would be a shame for your ds to not go round any more as he probably gets a lot from the social side of things. Try to sort it out with the parents and perhaps gently scare them eg.he ran into the road etc. I had similar concerns with my as son going round to his friends as his parents supervise him less as he's a lot more self aware.