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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I can't wait any longer and leave? Parents evening...

26 replies

TheWitTank · 24/05/2017 19:52

Been waiting 45 mins now for our scheduled appointment and still 3 people to go...I still have work to finish (outdoor animal related) and haven't eaten yet. I get that its difficult to keep to a scheduled time with parents asking questions etc so I'm not pissed off, just busy! Am I going to look like a terrible parent if I leave?

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 24/05/2017 19:53

No, just let someone know and then ask if the teacher can ring you when convenient.

What age group?

Ameliablue · 24/05/2017 19:54

I'd go but only if I didn't expect to have any issues that need discussed.

missmapp · 24/05/2017 20:00

If we were in front of you , I am really sorry. We had just been told that DS2 has major SEN issues and the senco was sharing the results of some screening. I had asked for a separate apt with the senco but the teacher saw us together. Ds1 is ASD and ds2 has dyspraxia and noonans so to hear another issue he has to battle was devastating . As a result , we took up too much of the teachers time.
I did apologise on my way out- hope you get seen soon and have better news that we did !

viques · 24/05/2017 20:01

Not unreasonable to leave, a five minute delay is acceptable but 45 is not. The teacher should have terminated the over runners and suggested they rescheduled to discuss whatever the problem is.from the teachers point of view they will be quite glad to claw back your appointment time.

If the head is around I would mention the problem to them so they can have a word with the teacher in case they are new and struggling with parent meetings, it can be intimidating, and you need strategies.

viques · 24/05/2017 20:04

Missmap, not your fault but the school is wrong, that is a meeting that needs a long time and the senco was wrong to shoehorn it into a parent/teacher meeting.

Not fair to you or to the class teacher, or the other parents!

MazDazzle · 24/05/2017 20:05

45 mins is ridiculous. Yes, go if you want.

ivykaty44 · 24/05/2017 20:07

I had to leave after it ran over by an hour once, I had a committee meeting to attend and couldn't stay.

Original poster
TheWitTank · 24/05/2017 20:07

DS has aspergers and spd so I do understand. We have a seperate senco appointments later in the year. As I said, I get it and I'm not pissed off just on a time limit!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWitTank · 24/05/2017 20:08

I'm leaving now

OP posts:
WelshMoth · 24/05/2017 20:11

You can always leave a request for a call from the teacher in question. It happens a lot and I'm always happy to contact parents if they can't see me during parents evening.

Pootle40 · 24/05/2017 20:11

At our school they ring a bell after your 10 minutes - absolutely no option to run over.

pieceofpurplesky · 24/05/2017 20:13

It really bugs me as a teacher when colleagues take ages and end up with a huge queue that impacts on everyone else. So I dread to think how it makes parents feel!

My theory is it should be a summary - if there are major issues then surely a teacher will have made contact earlier.

Sparklingbrook · 24/05/2017 20:14

I agree that Parents' Evening is not the time to discuss anything lengthy. It's not fair on anyone.

Rockhopper81 · 24/05/2017 21:05

My view has always been that you shouldn't really be saying anything new at parents evening - summary of progress to date, next steps going forward and a comment on behaviour. Nothing should be a surprise at parents evening, so any major issues should be brought up in a separate consultation.

YWNBU to have left.

bostoncremecrazy · 24/05/2017 21:05

missmapp Flowers parents evening is not the time to be hearing that...were you expecting it?

OP - you did the right thing to leave.....just ask for an appointment another day....

we have a 10 min slot - SENCO appointments are separate...you can't discuss all you need to in 10 mins.

Starlight2345 · 24/05/2017 21:27

MissMapp that was very badly arranged..

Meeting with that kind of information should never be in a 10 minute slot.

LindyHemming · 24/05/2017 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 24/05/2017 21:42

Parents evening isn't the time to discuss actual issues. It's a time to cover the basics and if needed make an appointment for a longer, more private meeting.

The letter from ds school to make the appointments makes that side of things clear and it always runs pretty smoothly

underneaththeash · 24/05/2017 21:44

We left my DD's in the Winter term as the teacher was running 45 minutes late. I agree, parents evening, shouldn't be for raising any major concerns.

missmapp · 24/05/2017 21:46

Thanks all and sorry OP but I saw your pot after returning rom th emeeting and was a it emotional ! I wasn't expecting the news we received. Ds2 hs just been diagnosed with dyspraxia and so \I had asked to see the senco to discuss that. when the teacher started talking about significant concerns and new screening I admit I was shell shocked. I agree the meeting should have been at a separate time I didn't really appreciate it taking place in a busy hall and then having to make small talk with other parents.

Hope the school rearranges another apt for you OP

edwinbear · 24/05/2017 21:55

I left once after the teacher was running an hour late. This was the second one in a year she'd been an hour late for. I explained to the head as she came to switch the lights off and found me still sitting there and she wasn't impressed.

bigbadbarry · 24/05/2017 21:59

I went home and had my dinner once and came back again - the advantage if a village school! They were running an hour and a half late. I was most unimpressed. I did get an apology but it really wasn't good enough.

harderandharder2breathe · 24/05/2017 22:00

missmap bless you, the school really should have arranged a separate meeting for you. I get why they want teacher and SENCO to both be there but parents evening with ten minute slots and dozens of random parents milling around is not the time for lengthy discussions such as your children need and deserve. And you recognised that, it's a shame the school didn't.

In general, excepting cases like Missmap above, it's very rude for parents to take up more than their allotted time and just as bad for teachers to let them.

soapboxqueen · 24/05/2017 22:00

I agree parents' evening isn't the time for long conversations or big SEN discussions. They should be separate. It isn't fun to have to wait so long. I know some teachers just naturally over run. However, some parents can be very demanding, aggressive and totally oblivious to your cues that the meeting is over and just keep going. I'm no shy/retiring wall flower but some people just don't take a hint or even quite an explicit 'we've run over our time, Charlie's parents are waiting to come in now. It's their turn'

Yes just go. Ask for an individual appointment or a phone chat.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 24/05/2017 22:08

Flowers missmap