Don't people have boundaries anymore?

[RebelRogue]

Coworker today(that i barely speak to and only see once a week) asked if she could stay over for a while on my sofa.(think weeks).

Neighbour's kid(5)just knocked on the Door to come and play. Sent her awaty as we're actually having dinner. But why would you just send your kid without checking first?

AIBU to think that SOME people have no boundaries,common sense or basic decency/respect?

Colleague sounds tight. Child, sounds okay to me, just say you're having dinner. Job done.

I dunno...I think I'm the most miserable antisocial person ever, but neither of these requests would bother me. I would have refused both because, as I said,in an antisocial misery.

Co-worker - weird.
Child - totally normal, our next door neighbour asks if she can come and play nearly every day, sometimes she can, sometimes we're doing homework or eating and she can't. It's lovely for all the kids to be friendly and comfortable with each other like that. Yabu.

The thing is, this doesn't matter. Colleague asking something that you consider to be a breach of boundary = doesn't matter, even if anyone thinks one of you wbu. Adult letting their child knock on your door at a time you consider to be unacceptable = doesn't matter, even if anyone thinks one of you wbu.

A 5 year old coming to ask if they can play with your child, even inside your home is not people lacking boundaries, it is a child being, well, childlike, which I expect at 5.

Kids round here are pretty much free ranges from the age of 4, with a community 'it takes a village to raise a child' feeling. Adults are in and out, keeping an eye on the kids. We all feel free to tell each others kids off, as long as we tell the parents soon after. We have freezers full of lollies for all the kids, so whichever house they are nearest to provides them!

Your attitude seems odd to me!

As for the work colleague, are you sure she is not in a desperate situation?

Co worker- possibly in bad situation if she's even asking you, or maybe joking, possibly to regale others with your answer, which she probably expected.

Child knocking- perfectly normal.

I didn't give her an answer, i was late so I literally ran away saying we'll talk another time.

And it's not normal here not only because no one does it, but we(m and neighbour don't either). They never invite DD and I don't send her upstairs either. Their kid doesn't randomly go to others either.
If I'm in the mood and no stuff to do, then I'll invite her over, but I always check with a parent first, in case they have plans,are busy,eating.. whatever.

Coworker has got more going on than you know and is desperate. You don't ask for the lols, doesn't mean you should help, but i would try to dig deeper

Kid is the weird one for me, I wouldn't let my five year old out like that.

Coworker - YANBU. Unacceptably entitled and very presumptuous think they don't need to pay rent or mortgage each week like everyone else.

Child - YABU. Perfectly normal.

Those two things are not even in the same league. Do you always lump everything in together?

Your coworker is a weirdo.
The child? "Mum, can I go over to XY and play with little XY?" "Sure, but if they tell you she can't, come home straight away."
Would have been the norm when I was young too. In this case you're probably just a grump. A little child is highly unlikely to ask for a formal audience. I'd just say sorry, little Clando is having her dinner and will go to bed or similar afterwards. End of story.

When i was at school, a girl i was friends with and lived a few doors up (i was 6 or 7 at the time) knocked on my door at 5am (summer so was light out) wanting me to play out, on a school day!

Coworker must be desperate to be asking someone they barely know to sofa surf, so rather than no boundaries, they probably are low on options.

Odd if DD and the child don't normally play together.

Coworker is definitely unusual and I'd have no issue saying no.

Sorry, OP, but children love to play with other children and it makes me quite sad that you are going to ask for such formality around two neighbours playing together. You don't like people, but maybe your dd does.

Your response to the kid is weird. They had just been talking to your dd before she disappeared inside, hence why they popped round now. Their phrasing "I've come to play." is irrelevant - they're 5.

You have checked with parents before inviting another kid round - it's not the same as checking to make sure your kid can pop round to play...the kid did a fine job of this themselves. What were you expecting the parent to do - phone (do they have your number?), come round with their kid themselves (why make the extra trip when kid is capable)?

Sounds like you're looking for excuses to be a grouch.

I don't think anyone in the world dislikes children as much as I do, but even I would have thought nothing of a tiny kid coming to play. I'd have just said "some other time".

Sofa surfer is the odd one for me.

When my dd was little she used to insist on going and saying hello to the neighbours. So we'd knock on doors and get invited in or not. It was neighbourly. They had the right to either not answer the door or to tell us to go away. Either way dd was satisfied. The 5 Yr old child just wanted to be validated. It is a totally normal thing for a little person to go to someone's house without an invite. I used to do it when I was a child, go and see my friend. It was an unwritten rule and she did the same with us. Children are future adults, they are going to be shaped by the way adults interact with them. They are far more likely to grow up being kind to you or someone you love or to even a complete stranger if adults have shown kindness to them..

Have you talked to the person, who wanted to stay on your sofa?

I don't think your examples demonstrate a lack of boundaries.

In both cases, they asked, and you can say no. Maybe the co-worker is desperate, for reasons you don't know. Doesn't mean you have to agree, or feel bad if you don't. But your anger is disproportionate

I think that people who get angry when people ask them for things they don't want to give, are often not very assertive. They are allowed to ask. You are allowed to say no, and to feel OK about saying no.

I wasn't mean to the kid or anything. It took me by surprise to see her but just told her "Not today X , dd is having her dinner,maybe another time."
Now that it's a different day I actually find it funny that her reply was "But I already had my dinner." I repeated what I said the first time and told her I'll see her later. I also waited in the door till I was sure she went straight back and heard her knocking on her door. I don't hate kids, I hate people.

For the PP who asked we live in a block of flats (only 3 floors) wouldn't have been that hard for a grownup to shout for me and check first.

I was a bit(A LOT) peopled out yesterday.

I gave a newly recruited college a lift to the city centre as was going that way and had a new older ten minutes into the journey. It's not that weird to ask but it could well be cheeky depending on other circumstances. Generally shares are becoming more common and more flexible - lots of people are mike's from being able to see a house as security/sanctury

Children should be able to play together without prior parental arranging/checking details

That is the thing, OP, otherwise you end up with any falling out between you and another mother affects their friendships. And if you don't like people all the more reason to let your dd develop her friendships without having to speak unnecessarily to the other kid's mother.