Sorry, this is going to be long, and I'm completely fine to be told that I'm being U, because I don't really know how to judge what's rational and not,
I'm not sure whether it's because of my personality disorder or what, but I don't have a relationship with any of my family, except my father who wasn't around when I was growing up, he tells me things like I would have never come back to this country if I wasn't forced to (which makes me feel worthless) he's not supportive, makes no effort to see me. Judges everything I do because it's not his way, always talks about "the right way" to parent, to do everything, he doesn't know because he hasn't ever been a parent.
I've kept quiet when he says things I don't agree with. He's often not particularly nice, he often puts me down.
Today I was talking to him about work, I told him I felt that one of my clients was going to mess me about, he went on a tirade and the things that really stick in my mind are "are you really that fucking stupid?....you are naive. I started to stammer and he was mimicking me.
I said that was the last thing I needed and got off the phone.
I've cried half the afternoon and decided I needed to tell him the way I feel. It reads as.
I'm bawling like a baby, but I feel like it was the healthiest choice for me. He's a pretty selfish person so he's not going to feel much about it. He constantly says things like "if I felt like killing myself it would be because of someone else, I'd kill them instead"
The way you spoke to me earlier was disgusting. I don't know how you can speak to your own daughter the way you did when I was confiding in you. Calling someone naive and stupid and taking the piss out of them when they already feel down isn't on. And actually it cemented the way I've felt for a long time. After conversations with you I've gotten off the phone in tears and shrugged it off but actually. I'm not doing it anymore. I know that you'll believe you are helpful and supportive to everyone, but actually you haven't been to me. You make me feel like shit and ashamed and I feel judged by you, like you have always been perfect. I'm just finished trying to have a relationship with people who hold me in contempt.
It's hard to be certain that it's the right thing because I'm so alone. I don't have friends and he was the last family member I was speaking to.