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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be considering becoming a sahm?

14 replies

DontFundHate · 22/05/2017 08:07

Ok so I know ianbu really, we could afford it, my dh would be supportive etc. But what's it like to make that change? I have one DS (2yrs 9mo) already and went back to work 3 days a week. Now we are due ds2 in a couple months. I'm considering not returning to work afterwards. I am an infant teacher and although I work in a lovely lovely school I find I am making so much less effort with the children, rushing things, not enjoying spending time with them, all to get out of the door earlier. I hate myself for having this attitude and thought it might be time to leave my career. I'm thinking of taking a good few years as a sahm. What's it like to make that change? I'm worried about losing my identity, being mentally bored. I've thought about volunteering which I've done before and loved. Would be so grateful to hear your experiences. Thanks

OP posts:

CountryCaterpillar · 22/05/2017 08:09

I'm a teacher... And have loved being a sahm! Ive enjoyed having the time to take them places, play in the park, groups. Imet lots of people which kept me from being bored!

When would you volunteer if you're looking after children?

Now my youngest is at school I'd like to get back into work but I do t want to get back into the treadmill of teaching. However I think if you did it's one of the jobs you can get back into after a break iyswim.

Dianneabbottsmathsteacher · 22/05/2017 08:11

Hi op I was a district nurse when dc2 was born and it was impossible to continue working. Child care costs are huge and dh works away so no help there. Best thing I ever did. I found it so lovely to always be there from school and be able to go to all the school events and not rush rush and plan plan.

Then had twin dds abc still lovely and stress free.

Each to their own though but for me it was amazing.

Original poster

DontFundHate · 22/05/2017 08:12

Thanks country which careers are you looking at?

Im thinking of arranging childcare and volunteering now and again at a charity I've worked with before, mainly to get out of the house and do something for me

OP posts:

stargirl1701 · 22/05/2017 08:15

I am retraining with the NCT as I am not finding teaching and family life work well. Once we add in school runs for DD1, there will be just no way to make it. We have no family locally.

CountryCaterpillar · 22/05/2017 08:15

Ah fab if that can work for you :) Sounds a great idea. We couldn't really afford extra childcare, but I'm hoping to volunteer with home start now mine are in school! I'm not sure wrt what work I'm going to do now.

I do echo Diane that I have loved my time with the children and it suddenly feels all too soon that they're both at school!

JefferysJodpers · 22/05/2017 08:16

I was a primary teacher, I gave up after number 3. Partly it was childcare costs, partly the hours of the job getting longer and longer and partly just wanting to have time to enjoy them.

I liked it so much I own home educate!

The way I see it (well at least here) teaching jobs are so easy to get, it won't be hard to return or supply should I want to. I don't know if I do though. I have pretty much the same money tutoring as I did after childcare, and I really enjoy working with individuals and seeing he easily measurable progress and confidence boost.

CountryCaterpillar · 22/05/2017 08:17

I do have a friend who did just use lots of childcare and is now a deputy head - she is an amazing mum and I don't doubt an amazing teacher. So being at home certainly isn't the only option! it's worked for us though.

JefferysJodpers · 22/05/2017 08:20

I was a deputy head with my last, it is easier not having a class. You control the timetables, can manage your own time more etc.

It's a huge differenc from being in class

sonlypuppyfat · 22/05/2017 08:23

I didn't return to work when my DS was born, he's 18 now! And I can honestly say I've never been bored or felt like I lost my identity

SquatBetty · 22/05/2017 08:35

I'm a SAHM (never went back to work after DS born) and I LOVE it. But I'm quite private and insular and am really happy just being at home, pottering. Don't feel like I've lost any identity as work was just a means to earn money, it didn't contribute to who I am.

But appreciate this isn't for everyone. Yes I know housework, school run, shopping etc can be a real repetitive drudge at times but I'd rather have that than a daily commute, petty work place politics, pointless meetings, tiresome colleagues and so on.

Original poster

DontFundHate · 22/05/2017 08:37

Thanks everyone. I think I feel quite decided so glad to hear it's not mad!

I love your comparison squat, the workplace can definitely be just as repetitive, that's a really interesting idea

OP posts:

Lu1a · 22/05/2017 08:44

Why would you be bored as a SAHM OP? You wake up in the morning and the day is yours and whatever you want to make it - no timetables, other people's expectations, form filling, juggling and so on. I found it very liberating and an absolute privilege.

I also used to work with children and this is precisely why I wanted to prioritise being with my own.

It's a personal choice, but don't buy into the whole "loss of identity" nonsense. Identity comes from within - it's not a job title.

MissClimpsonsTypingBureau · 22/05/2017 09:59

Where does your identity come from? Is it to do with being a teacher? Being a mum? Being your DP's partner, part of your family, part of your group of friends? A hobby/ volunteering? Other things/ people?

Being a SAHM is only going to be a loss of identity if your job is significant to how you see yourself. Would you feel you were still "you" if you weren't a teacher? Would being a sahm allow you to do more things that are more crucial to who you are (hands on parenting, better touch with family/ friends, volunteering...)

Honestly I think if you're wanting to be a sahm (not just thinking it would be sensible because of costs) you have your answer. Go for it.

felinewonderful · 22/05/2017 10:05

Go for it if you can afford it. I am considering giving up my job as a nurse to be a sahm. I have had year long maternity leaves, just about to return to work and really don't want to. I love being there for school runs, events, sports days etc.

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