To fantasize bout divorce?

[ALittleBiPolarSunshine]

Firstly, apologies for the canibilism thread yesterday, I see it has been deleted. I never intended to offend - I'd had a bit to drink and have a sick sense of humour at the best of times so didn't realise it would upset people. Apologies again.

Anyway DH and I are having a rough patch (as you may have gathered!) and this morning I got up at 6.30, straight onto the internet and did a quote for how much I could borrow for a mortgage as a single applicant. It came back with £103k. I'd have about £15k deposit. I earn £23k. I have no debt. Mortgage would be around £495 a month. After all expenses I'd have around £500 left over (after groceries and petrol) each month.

I saw a house for £95k on right move this morning, a shit hole in a good area where the houses normally go for around £160k+

I'm now fantisizing about buying such a shit hole and doing it up as a project - ultimately I'm fantasising about divorce. Being completely independent. Making my own decisions and choices. Doing my own thing. Dating, enjoying myself.

Financially I'd be much worse off but I don't think I'd care.

AIBU? I currently live in a sexless marriage, always getting at me. I don't want to live like this. I'm only 36. I want the chance to be happy - and wanted.

What is stopping you?

If your marriage is over then leave. You absolutely deserve to be happy but divorce is final and very different to a fantasy.

DH has been in bed "ill" for 4 days and has left me to do everything with the kids and household. I have enjoyed to an extend the quiet evenings, meals of what I want when I want etc and have fantasised about being single. That is pure fantasy though and I would never really want to be apart.

If you're at the point where you're actively looking for how you'd get out, you should probably get a divorce

I've just read your other two threads. Yes, do it.

I used to enjoy living on my own. I'm very antisocial anyway and like my own company. Since getting with DH I've become a binge drinker and have given up my hobbies. Not because he has asked me to but I just don't seem to do well when I'm living with another person. I tend to "give up" on everything and allow the relationship to consume me. I have Asperger traits too and I just feel so much more motivated when I only have myself to rely on.

There are things about him and the marriage I would miss of course, which is why I stay I suppose. I just don't know which outweighs which.

I think to take care you aren;t putting all the blame for things like drinking, etc on to the relationship and thinking this is simply going to solve everything.

OP, you really don't sound in a very good place.

Do you have dc?

Have you sought treatment for the alcoholism?

I know it's just a fantasy for now, but don't forget to factor the divorce into the costs - division of property and legals may impact on your deposit.

Make fantasy a reality!

I was one of the people who was worried about you on your other thread. It makes me very sad that he's talking about violence if you divorce him, even if he thinks it's a joke.

Get planning. It sounds as if you would be better off without him. And you can get a lot of support with the drinking on here. Maybe try to cut down because that can get out of control quickly.

Life is so darn short. Don't spend it with someone you don't want to. There is so much good out there waiting for you and the best thing you can do is go out there and grab it if you can.