To not go to this party?

[GreenHairDontCare]

We've been invited to one of the neighbour's child's birthday party.

Without being too outing, there's a row of terraced houses nearby and all the families that live there are in and out if each other's houses, know all the ins and outs of each other's life, and like nothing better than a good old gossip and bitch. On the plus side we do things like Easter Egg hunts and arranged Father Christmas to visit the estate, stuff like that.

We live just round the corner and I've pulled back from them over the past year as I became aware that I was a topic of gossip and because it ended up feeling a bit suffocating.

Anyway, we've all been invited to this party and I just don't want to go. It's this afternoon. I'm not in the mood for socialising (understatement) and I don't want to be fending off questions about why DS hasn't been out playing in the street lately or why I haven't come round for coffee.

None of the kids know about the party except DD and she hasn't mentioned it today so has probably forgotten.

Aibu to just not go? I'll say I forgot about it if asked. I just find them all really intense and a bit nosy really and don't want to spend three hours of a precious Sunday making small talk.

I suppose it depends on how aloof you want to be and whether you may value or need neighbours in the future. Would an hour hurt? Seems a shame your child cannot play with others who live just around the corner. Most parents would like this and just answer questions with non comittal answers. It's not a big deal really.

I am a terrible over thinker.

Have you RSVP'd already? If you've accepted then YABU not to pop by. Just for the sake of saving some grave and keeping things light.

If you haven't then send a message apologising that you have previous plans?

Don't elaborate further.

It sounds horribly suffocating indeed :(

Regarding playing out, he's five and where they all play is out of the way of our house. So him playing out involves me taking him. I'm not saying he never will, in fact in the holidays I expect we'll do it. But this time last year it was all a bit overwhelming, lots of the kids were in and out of ours all the time, ours went on sleepovers that I then felt obliged to reciprocate, and it's just a level of closeness that I'm not comfortable with at the moment. Particularly after finding out my MH and circumstances were being discussed, and not in a nice way.

I haven't rsvpd

Yeah either say you forgot, or else tackle it by sending a text saying you'd meant to come along but you're sick and don't want to pass it on. Then don't stress any further.

Then a bright & cheery 'thanks for the invite so sorry we can't make it. Hope you all have a super time!'

Job done.

No one ever believes it when you pull a sicky on the day. I wouldn't do that.

I would go, for the children. Not going won't stop them gossiping about you behind your back.

Oh they can gossip away, I don't care. I just don't want to be involved, or give them any details about my life.

Can you pop by just for a few minutes 'on your way to a prior commitment'? Drop over a card and a token gift then go out for the day?

God, no, don't go. I would hate that kind of setup, I value my privacy far too much; if that doesn't sound too snotty and stand offish.
Or even if it does...

Nice for your kids to have local friends. I'd go just for an hour. Sometimes things that you don't want to go to end up being nice.

Well if it's today and you've not rspv'd then no, don't go, they're not expecting you. How rude are you?

As a wise old MNer said to me when I had a similar issue (not wanting to go to a party, but for very different reasons) Why buy troubles when you can get them for free? Don't go, don't overthink, and don't judge yourself.

I'm not comfortable with at the moment. Particularly after finding out my MH and circumstances were being discussed, and not in a nice way

Yeah, it's not nice to know that people are pulling you apart behind your back.

So don't go.

I prob wouldn't go and if asked be in their face about why - well I got involved and last summer it all got a bit hectic with everyone piling into ours all the time and the sleepovers, and not only that people were gossiping about me and my health and not in a nice way so I pulled back - I just didn't need that at that point. Turn and walk away. But then I am a bit in your face and will call people out on unpleasantness and yes have ghosted people before for it as their level of bitchiness was breathtaking so just removed all contact and 3 yrs later still have no desire to speak to them