To cut ties with dd's dad.

[Tiredlyofthis]

I have nc'd as I posted about this before and didn't follow through with all the advice I got very stupidly. But we have spoken today and he has told me he didn't even believe my dd was his when I was pregnant, so that's why he decided to rekindle things with his ex while being with me despite sticking by his side. He also thinks I got intentionally pregnant and he tells people this, which I didn't..my contraception failed. He also said he didn't contact me for 2 months while I was pregnant as he hoped I would basically just abort, he knows my reasons why I choose to have my dd but still says things like this. He has let his girlfriend disrespect me a lot. He has only seen pictures of her (been in prison since I was a few weeks pregnant until late next year, for a non violent crime, doesn't make a difference..) and he loves her very much because she looks like him and he know she is his now.

He constantly is innappropriate with me, we have late night hour conversations about 3 maybe even 4 times a week, I think I mainly talk to him because I'm lonely and have no one else to talk to. I constantly remind him he has a girlfriend and he says stuff like 'maybe I won't have a girlfriend when I come out, things can change'. He tells me who I can and cannot talk to regarding other guys so I don't talk to any other guys incase he knows them and they tell him.

I'm miserable and would like to start even talking to someone again. He is trash and I have noticed when I don't talk to him my life is better and I feel more better in myself but I know he is out eventually, so I want to keep the contact so it will be easier to co parent when he comes out,but tonight I don't care anymore. I know if he wants to be there for his daughter he will regardless of me. I feel so stupid that I have tried to keep contact with him, by telling me this today I know he is even a more horrible person than I thought, I'm very young (18) and he was my first serious relationship even thought we dated for months, so I've never really had anyone treat me well so when he was saying all these horrible things I kind of thought it was okay but I thought about it and I know it isn't. He is four years older than me, I feel terrible that i have given my daughter a father like this. I am doing well raising her and I'm quite sure I could do it all on my own but I don't want to stop her from seeing her father,if he decides to step up when he comes out. She is seven months old.

Aibu to just cut ties and block his number ? I am very close with his family so I know if I do that, I will get questions about why I have done this and I don't really want to answer it.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, my head is a complete mess. Needed somewhere to write it all down and some advice:

It made perfect sense to me. It's like you wrote the story of me, my DS and his father. I was 20 years younger than him though. He broke up with me during my pregnancy, ended up in prison and called me from there saying stuff about us being together and getting married.
Fortunately It was just talk. When he got out, we were together for 3 days. After that I got pissed off and walked out with my DS in the middle of the night in the strange town because he decided that my DS has to be punished physically.
So I thought "fuck that" and never went to him again.
Now I'm 32, my DS is 12 and his cunt of a sperm donor is dead since January 2015.
I never needed this person, my son is amazing without his father around.
I met my now DH 3 years ago and got pregnant again 3 months into relationship. My DH is the best man I could ever ask for and I'm very happy.

My advice would be to stay away. Cut the ties with his family and find new friends. Do not let him see your DD unless he takes you to court.
There's a chance he won't want to see her and won't bother with court.
It's also very good that he is not on birth certificate, it will make difficult for him to walk out with your DD or other twattish stuff like that.

So yes - YANBU

My goodness what a horrid time you have had for someone so young. He has behaved appallingly towards you and your daughter. Your pregnancy must have been very stressful with all that going on in the background. How can you trust a man that has treated you so badly during your pregnancy.

Do really think he will step up and be a doting father? Or do you think he will use access to your daughter in order to manipulate you. He is locked up, he is with another woman and yet he is telling you not to talk to other men. Does his girlfriend know he is hinting at returning to you. How is that changing? He is playing you both. He will not change. You know that.

What about your Family? Friends? Are you in contact with young mums group? Do you have access to any children's centre. Anything to stop you being so isolated. Do you have a health visitor that you trust?

You must be break away from this man. He can have access via a contact centre, you are within your rights to insist on this. If his family question this you can tell them he is telling you who not to speak to and calling me nightly and I need some distance to concentrate on the baby.

I am NC with my DD 8's dad. He hasn't seen her since she was 3.

But I am in contact with his family, they see her and we FaceTime etc

He is trash they aren't. So you are not being unreasonable at all. Just try and strike a balance if they are good people.

My pregnancy was very stressful. Dealing with him made it a lot worse, I go to a baby group with my dd & have a health visitor that visits regularly. I also have a lot of family around me but don't have much friends.

I think possibly he will step up when he comes out, this is because of pressure from his mother too from the start of my pregnancy and he had an absent father so doesn't want to be the same. I'm sure she doesn't know the way he talks to me, he regularly tells me he basically wouldn't mind continuing a sexual relationship when he comes out..which I am completely apposed to.

I would feel really bad not allowing his mum to see my dd as she was there for me a lot during my pregnancy and she sees her regularly and adores her completely. I also don't want to ban contact based of off the way I feel, because at the end of the day..he's still her dad. But I guess some things just need to be done.