To think I can preempt PND?

[Herbie22]

Please be gentle. I am a FTM to a newborn. I am starting to think I might have PND but I also think due to my history of mental health I am being presumptious about these things assuming that I would develop it? I hope that makes sense.
Here are some of the things that have me concerned:
I was very anxious during pregnancy to the point of wanting to self harm (previous history of this)
I am fond of my baby but don't feel a huge life changing love for her.
I am really concerned about keeping my house tidy (I posted about this on a different name and and someone said that could be a sign of PND)
I look forward to people coming to visit to see the baby so I can have a break.
I draw out things like showers/getting dressed to be away from DD
I really really want to go back to work, I miss my job every day and am jealous of OH going to work every day.
Do you think I would be unreasonable to go see a doctor and nip it in the bud so to speak? Or am I worried over nothing?

Im the same. You can get ante/prenatal depression. Speak to yr midwife about your concerns, im sure she will say to go to your gp.

If you feel it necessary absolutely go and see GP. Waiting until you are on your knees is not advised.

Definitely nip it in the bud. Much better to deal with things before you get to crisis point.

Some of the things you describe could be considered quite normal - wanting a break, not feeling life changing love, wanting to go back to work. But you have some experience and insight into your own MH history so no harm in speaking to someone about how you're feeling. You have nothing to lose here and a little bit of support can go a long way.

Good luck OP, having a new baby is hard! It's OK to ask for help.

You know yourself best - sounds like you have really good insight. Absolutely, get to the GP and hopefully nip it in the bud (I had very severe pnd after DC1 and started to feel unwell again while pg with dc3 and managed to head it off by getting to
Gp asap)

Thank you. I was just wondering if there was anything they could actually do to help. I'm already on anxiety medication and counselling here is non-existent, I have been advised a few times to start but there is nothing in the area (I would have to drive over an hour, not ideal with a baby)

I think having a history of depression means you are more tuned in to your warning signs. I had everything on that list bar the anxiety during pg. I didnt feel depressed. The hv did the screening questionnaire with me and I scored very low.

Heres my theory on wanting a tidy house. You have to spend a lot of time at home on ml. Your head is full of so much that it becomes really important to have space and order in your physical surroundings.

By all means chat to your hv if you are concerned. Do you have any strategies? I had to get out to something every other day.

Congratulations on your DD

Have you spoken to anybody in RL about how you feel? Your HV/GP? Or a family member/friend?
Please do if you have not already done so.

Nobody can diagnose you on here.

You may have PND or you may simply struggle with the seismic change in your life that becoming a mother entails.
Not every body experiences the famous/infamous 'rush of love' - I never did, x4

Please be very kind with yourself. Look after your own needs as well as your DD's.

How old is she?
Did you have a good delivery?
How do you feel physically?

Oh good, you are aware of warning signs of depression and already on treatment.

I repeat: be very kind with yourself. Look after your physical (food, drink, sleep, time to yourself etc) and mental (sleep, time to yourself, a break away from your DD, surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about what/how you are doing etc) needs. NEEDS, not wants.

Looking after yourself is not selfish, it is self-preservation.

X post.
Do you get outside everyday?
Are you eating enough?
Are there structured activities you can get out to? Music at the library?

Yes, nip it in the bud

I have suffered from depression and PND but they were a little different from each other so I wasn't really alerted to the fact that what I was experiencing was PND.

And if you have PND it doesn't mean you necessarily need medication.

As PacificDogwood says, whatever the case, I think it's important to acknowledge and accept your feelings. The birth of a first baby is, more many (most?) women not quite the unalloyed joyful experience that we all hope for. It's a massive physical, psychological and logistical change for us

She's 4 weeks today! Had a good delivery, no complications and a quick recovery. I feel good physically.
I wonder if the need to clean is just nesting kicking in a bit late. I think it might be normal adjusting period but with my history I'm just a bit over cautious.

X posts!

I

Are you generally feeling well within yourself?
If yes, trust that feeling

If you feel rubbish, seek help, and seek it sooner rather than later.

It's already been said, but you're not being unreasonable at all!
Just wanted to say that it's fantastic that you're so self-aware to recognise that maybe things aren't quite what they should be, and are being proactive about it. So often with MH issues, the highest hurdle is recognising there's a problem.

What I would suggest is quite practical things:

Someone else taking the baby out of that's what you need, or you going out on your own

Keeping a part of you going - even if that is buying a newspaper and sitting alone to read it

Getting exercise - maybe joining one of those walking/running with buggies groups (for me, anything like Yoga where you are stuck in a room with others, was unthinkable)

I imagine the tidying is about control

I remember feeling as if control was away from me. I found it hard to relax and would basically sit waiting for the next thing the baby would do - which was anxiety provoking and boring

which was anxiety provoking and boring

Yes, IME looking after a young baby is both stressful and boring. Often at the same time

Sorry to keep coming back, but I keep remembering things

The responsibility is very big when you first have a baby. I remember going to register the birth of my first on my own, leaving him with my mum, just to get away from him/it for a bit. And then feeling horribly guilty for having those feelings

He's 16 now and I certainly don't think those early weeks have had an effect on our relationship

OP, if you feel that local services can't offer useful support, it is possible to have CBT by Skype or telephone - it works just as well as face to face. Try Anxiety UK if you're interested.