Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To send this text?

22 replies

RadgePacket · 20/05/2017 18:44

I'll try and do a short summary. Last year worst year of my life and I tried to commit suicide at one point. Reevaluated life and there was a group of friends that were horrible to me (some not all).

One I really opened up to and counted her as a good friend (friendship over 20 years.) I still stay in contact with her.

She's going out for her birthday tonight and didn't invite me.

Would I be unable to send a text (In a couple of days) saying basically at least I know where I stand with her now.

OP posts:

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 20/05/2017 18:48

Not sure.

I've been where you are. Many of my friends kind of evaporated when I had my breakdown.

Separated the boys from the men, and you probably are better off knowing where you stand.

That said, I did turn down a lot of invitations when I was ill so maybe she got out of the habit of asking?

Original poster

RadgePacket · 20/05/2017 18:50

She's only really an invitee kind of person unless it's her birthday etc .. she wouldn't organise a random group night out.

The others (except her and 2 others) know about what I went through. I wouldn't want them knowing. They were just mean to me to make themselves feel better I think.

OP posts:

Helloitsme88 · 20/05/2017 18:50

Why didn't you ask her yourself way she was doing for her bday? Maybe she didn't plan a big do and the people going are the ones who suggested it

ADayGivingMeHope · 20/05/2017 18:51

Is she going with friends or family?

Original poster

RadgePacket · 20/05/2017 18:51

She's going with friends.

I did text her only a couple of days ago asking how she was.

OP posts:

Plumkettle · 20/05/2017 18:53

Please don't send. It will only drive a further wedge in your friendship.

Totally understand how you are feeling. It must be upsetting and feel like a rejection especially as you thought you were good friends.

But you don't know why she didn't invite you , there could be a million different reasons.

Let the dust settle a bit and maybe go for a coffee, rebuild your closeness again.

sonjadog · 20/05/2017 18:54

Is she going out with the same crowd of people that weren´t supportive of you? If so, that is probably why she hasn't invited you.

donners312 · 20/05/2017 18:55

maybe she didn't organize it though - her other friends might have?.

Why don't you just ask her if she wants to go out for a drink another night to celebrate and if she doesn't want to then just refocus on making new and better friends.

peukpokicuzo · 20/05/2017 18:55

No. Don't send that text. There is no need to be a drama queen about it. People are allowed to invite who they want to their own birthdays. Obviously yes she chose not to invite you so you know you aren't among her closest friends. Maybe she is still close to those other ex-friends that treated you badly and she didn't want her birthday to be an opportunity for that hurt and discord to come out and spoil things.

You have two choices. If you can accept that her friendship is valuable to you even though you aren't high on her priority list then say nothing.

If you don't want the friendship of anyone who doesn't consider you to be among their own bestest friends then obviously the friendship is over but that doesn't mean that a text like that is appropriate. Just step back and don't suggest meet ups or accept invites any more if you don't want to.

Laiste · 20/05/2017 18:55

I wouldn't send the text. While you don't know the whole story what would it achieve? Apart from causing awkwardness.

Does she go out for every birthday? Do you usually go out in this group? If she knows there are people going you might not particularly want to socialise with right now/any more perhaps that's the reason she didn't invite you?

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 20/05/2017 18:56

She's been a good friend. Perhaps she believes she is protecting you by keeping you out of harms way - the meanies?

Don't through this relationship away. Contact her and ask if she wants to do a belated birthday thing just the two of you, or include the 2 others you trust. X

originalbiglymavis · 20/05/2017 18:57

That's what I was thinking. I wouldn't send a text - ask in person if you want but don't beat yourself up about this. It's nothing.

You can't make people invite you, and would you want to go with a gaggle of people who had been horrible to you?

Laiste · 20/05/2017 18:57

Oh, meant to ask, did she reply to your recent text asking how she was?

originalbiglymavis · 20/05/2017 18:58

I hope you are in a better place now OP.

Blossomdeary · 20/05/2017 18:58

Don't send - how will it achieve a positive result? - what good will it do?

chickenowner · 20/05/2017 19:07

Don't send it, you will regret it and it will make you look petty and a little bit pathetic.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, I just think it would be a really, really bad idea.

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/05/2017 19:13

Don't send that text OP. You will only alienate one of the few friends who stood by you. Why would you want to piss her off on her birthday and make it all about you?

Silverdream · 20/05/2017 19:14

A couple of friends may have said let's go out for your birthday and arranged it then and there.
I have often been out when a couple of us have said let's go out for X and we have just gone out.
There is probably nothing more to it than that. I think you could be overthinking it.

Emmageddon · 20/05/2017 19:17

Another vote for you not to send the text. It's hurtful to be left out of things, but you don't know the full story. Look after yourself.

scottishdiem · 20/05/2017 19:27

Sending a text like that is a self fulfilling prophecy to be honest. If you there has been a mistake you are drawing a line and saying the friendship is over. If that is what you want then fair enough although, to be honest, the satisfaction you may derive from sending that is short lived compared to irreparably damaging a friendship.

My best friend has had mental health issues for years and I would not invite them to certain types of events if I thought that would be a trial for them. I would, however, do something before or after with them especially. If this person hasnt even responded to your recent text then perhaps they are not as close to you as you think. At the moment anyway.

Friendships ebb and flow and if this is at a low ebb, your text will make sure that it does not flow back for a party next year or any year really.

neveradullmoment99 · 20/05/2017 19:27

I wouldnt send it either. You dont know her motives. Why not maybe gently say something when you see her. I would find it hard not to discuss this but not through text. You could ask her about it..did you have a nice time? Then she may offer an explanation herself.

crazykitten20 · 20/05/2017 20:13

Imo what would be the point in creating an argument with someone who you now know isn't a huge part of your life any more.

I'd accept that and move on. No text is necessary because presumably your friend knows what she's done and that she's not been an inclusive friend. She doesn't need telling imo.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread