DM won't get off her fucking phone

[Adunni]

DM (52) is ALWAYS on her phone.

She comes over to visit her grandson (1yo) and then sits on my sofa and ignores him while she texts and browses Facebook and sends emails. I've come in from the kitchen to find DS with an open cigarette packet in his hand (from her handbag), her not having even noticed he's got it.

You get in a car with her and before she starts the engine she'll sit for ten, twenty minutes, checking her messages.

We go out for dinner as a family once in a blue moon (as I no longer live 'at home'), and she'll spend most of the meal ignoring everyone in favour of her phone (but she'll be sure to notice and comment on it if anyone else glances at theirs).

We'll be talking about something important and if her phone beeps, she'll cut off the conversation so she can respond to that text/read that email/check that notification RIGHT NOW. You can't talk to her while she's doing it because she'll snap at you about 'needing to concentrate', so you sit there in silence until she's done. She recently did this to me when we had been talking about something serious which had me in tears.

She'll 'pop off for a cigarette', 'be back in five minutes' - thirty minutes pass and when you go to check on her, she's sitting there on her fucking phone having completely lost track of time.

I'm normally quite a live-and-let-live kind of person, but she's behaving like a selfish teenager, it's disruptive and rude, and it's driving me mental.

If I'm honest with myself some of my anger is probably coming from unresolved issues with her always being so hypercritical of everyone else in the family, but even out of that context, isn't this just a fucking irritating and self-centred way for a person to behave?

Sounds like an unhealthy amount of phone time for sure

I spend time using my phone but not at the expense of my family and friends (only at the expense of my job, which is boring )

I worry for her as have heard it can be genuinely addictive, and of course some people are more sensitive to addiction than others. I would pull her up on it, the best opportunity probably being when she is coming to see DS.

And it is very curious behaviour, I know someone who was absolutely horrified (long time friend) when I took my phome out while we were queueing for drinks at a bar to speak to my then new BF (now long term OH). However, she had no problem texting her own (now ex, but at this point longer term) BF when I was in the middle of speaking to her - literally mod sentence. That kind of hypocrisy seems relatively common in this day and age, I really don't understand the logic behind it.

No place for family politics here I think, you just need to lay it out straight.

My DF is the same and he's nearly 72!

He has an audible alert for emails which are constantly going off! He comes round to mine and my DSis houses and sits there playing games in his phone!

He's worse than the teenagers in our family!

I would just tell her that next time she gets on her phone in the middle of a conversation or a meal, you will just leave. And mean it and stick to it.

Sounds as if there's not a lot of point in seeing her!

They are very addictive to a lot of people, usually younger people. I check mine if I need to check for urgent work things but otherwise I don't and I don't think anyone in the family would look at a phone during a meal actually. I notice one of my teenagers (doing public exams at the moment) now leaves his phone in a different room when he revises which sounds like a very good idea to me.

My DM is pretty much the same, it drives all of her DC nuts. Her current partner is the same. Interestingly we have the same general issues with her behaviour so maybe they are just a type. I have given up on trying to change her behaviour.

be rude back, forget she's coming round and go out, ignore her in favour of your phone, if she complains point out her hypocrisy

heck i'm missing all the fun - never had a mobile through choice because of people like this, it's rude to ignore family and friends when you are supposed to be spending time with them.

What would she say if you were to send her a text message whilst she was ignoring you in favour of her phone?

Problem is, she's an adult and it's ultimately none of your business. My MIL is the same but with puzzle books or a novel. She sticks her head in one or the other as soon as her arse hits any chair, even if we're out for a meal. We tell her repeatedly she's an antisocial cow, but she's not remotely bothered. She just agrees and carries on.

We just don't bother seeing her much any more, as she's obviously not that fussed.

Op, you don't have to see her or spend time with her you know.

Just stop arranging to meet up. When she asks why, tell her it's pointless spending time with her as she's always on her phone!

We just don't bother seeing her much any more, as she's obviously not that fussed
^^this, she clearly doesnt enjoy engaging with you all that much

leave her in peace with her phone if thats what makes her happy, then get on with doing the things that make you happy

Luckily my Mum hasn't got anyway near emails/FB etc on her phone.

She still has keyboard sounds and texts very slowly, so you get a long drawn out beep beep beep.

And she only ever talks on loudspeaker...very loudly

I feel for you OP, it must make you feel so insignificant. I have a friend like that, last time she came round, (for the first time in months) she spent most of the time messaging friends and shopping for clothes.

As others have suggested, just stop seeing her very often, and when you do, maybe tell her to put her phone away and if she gets it out, ask her to leave, as she obviously has more important things to do.

Send her a text message.
"get off your fucking phone Ma!"

I'm at the woman who gets a novel out when eating with people in a restaurant.

OP, I think it sounds like your DM has a full on addiction problem.

I became addicted and so I've deleted FB off my phone and so far it's all good. I've realised how often I pick my phone up and think of FB and I'm fine with it not being there. My profile is still active but I haven't been on for awhile now and I know I'm missing out on stuff but I'm ok with that. I am keeping messenger though. I'm not totally insane.

I've now changed my focus to Netflix!